Innocence
by ilyjily
Summary: Everyone sees Lily Potter as little and innocent. If only she could get Scorpius Malfoy to not see her that way. And it doesn't help that he's dating her cousin Rose... Contains smut.
1. Chapter 1

WARNING: This story has adult themes and graphic content that might be sensitive or triggering for some people. Cursing, sex, and other mature things. Sorry 'bout it. Hope those of you who read enjoy—if so, leave a review! Thanks.

When Lily loves, she loves few and far between.

However, at a young age, she was thrown into a world of romance she couldn't have anticipated. Having been regaled by stories of Mum and Dad, a slow and steady build to a passionate kiss in the middle of a war at a young age, she believed that she could find that love, too.

So when an older, beautiful boy pulls you into a dark corner, fingers flitting over dark red hair, brown eyes dancing in the fire light as he beheld her blue ones, she knew not to resist. To her it didn't matter that the boy was eighteen and she was thirteen, or that a boy had never touched her so roughly or intimately before, or that he had a hunger in his eyes she couldn't contain—it only mattered that he was dreamy head boy Philip, and that his girlfriend, head girl, bubblegum-chewing, toe-headed Ava, was nowhere in sight.

A loss of innocence is always a sad thing, especially at such a young age. Lily didn't know this. She glowed all the way back to her room, lit like a candle, hoodie zipped up to her chin and jeans only zipped up halfway. It was past curfew so no one was there to witness her in all her luminescence, but she swore if they had, they would see pure enlightenment.

Thirteen year old Lily was naïve, lazy, and manipulated beyond belief. Philip's beautiful smile was like a wolf's, but she couldn't help being devoured by it. His touch was electric and the secrecy of their relationship, rather than angering her, delighted her. Upon seeing him holding hands with Ava in the hallway, she would feel a clandestine thrill, and as his bronze gaze met hers, he felt the same thrill. Lily had a soft beauty that no one, not even Ava, possessed. Hidden beneath fur-lined jackets and roughed-up jeans and corduroys, Philip felt especially superior, knowing what was hidden beneath.

Night upon night was spent past curfew, sitting on the ledge of the Astronomy Tower, exhilarated by the wind whipping around their dangling legs, their calm buzz permeating the air and the smoke that mixed with the ruddy cold as they huffed and puffed on a joint. Time seemed to stand still those winter nights, and stretched into sunlight as the Christmas break whizzed past. They reunited with a passion, and she imagined a future not unlike her parents—married, with kids, a quaint cottage, stable jobs and no Ava or anyone to stand in the way.

That was the happy part of the year. Her dreams deadened to the simple contentment of being with him, the rough fucking, and pushing down of any resentment she felt towards Ava and her power, her beauty, and her hold over Philip. Stuffing the nausea and jealousy she felt when she saw them together in a small, little box that she locked up and kept deep down inside, and tried to burn to ashes every night as her lungs turned to ashes with a lighter and rolled up herbs. A jealousy she tried to smother with his kisses, but still he would pull away for air and it would come back with the rush of cold air between them.

Several instances occurred that ended the affair: when they were almost caught, when Lily failed potions, when they were actually caught, and when Philip graduated.

When they were almost caught

"What's that constellation?"

Lily squinted, but the lights above remained a blur, like Christmas tree lights that winked between branches. She breathed out smoke and replied, "I dunno. My eyesight's bad."

Philip laughed, "You should know just by where I'm pointing. You don't pay any attention in Astronomy."

"How would you know?" Lily snapped, smiling nonetheless. She passed the blunt, and his bare hand brushed her red glove. She could see his pale hands, cold and shivering every night, and she wished he would reach out to hold hers.

"Because you're not studious. You never go to the library, you never study, and you get bad grades. You know, as Head Boy, I can see your grades anytime I want to? You're almost failing potions." He was laughing at her, and her smile faded. "You're just a pothead, Lily. Maybe you should start paying attention in class."

Her breathing quickened, but she couldn't even bring herself up to get that angry. She just sagged against the pillar beside her, arse right up to the edge of the ledge, throwing him a cursory glance with clear blue eyes before defending herself: "Hey, are you calling me stupid?" Well, failing at defending herself.

He laughed again. It was starting to get irritating. And what was even more irritating was that he didn't respond, making his silence more clear than any verbal assent could. She felt obliged to push him the seven or so stories down to the hard ground below.

"I'm not stupid," she huffed, but her words grabbed onto the wind and flew away, making her feel even more stupid than before.

"Well, you're not exactly in line to be Head Girl," Philip muttered, the tip of his wand bursting alight with a sputter and meeting the end of the joint with a gentle practice that was a tell to just how often he made this motion. This was the worst thing he could've possibly said to her at this moment, because now they were both thinking about Ava. The image was enough to make Lily sit upright and turn to him with a sharp glare, but he didn't meet her gaze. He inhaled deeply, trying to seem unaware of her anger, but there was unease in his look that revealed just how much he anticipated this exact response to what he had said in a far greater stupidity than what he accused her of.

With a muttered "unbelievable" and an aggravated sigh, she woozily stood up from the ledge, the stars seeming to spin and swirl above her as if in a Van Gogh painting. She tripped over the side and onto the hard concrete floor of the tower. She cried out in pain and cursed Philip to go to hell, and he called after her as she tried to collect herself and make her escape.

"You're so immature, Lily! You know that's not what I meant," Philip said, his voice tired and annoyed. He was close behind her, she could hear it, but she was determined to flee. She knew she wouldn't make it to the exit without him catching up, however, and this both thrilled and bothered her.

A hand clamped around her arm, a grip that surely would've hurt but didn't because of the ample padding her furry jacket provided, and she was swiftly turned around and pinned against a firm body, arms looped around her lower back, lips seeking hers. His momentum was greater than hers, and they tripped a step, he forwards and her backwards, and they fell to the floor.

Lily's bum and head collided with the floor causing a sharp pain to run up her spine and to her scalp, but before she could yelp, Philip's mouth covered hers and they were kissing heavily. Panting out puffs of condensation into the cold winter air, Philip managed to unbutton both of their pants and struggled to guide his way in.

Everything came to a screeching halt when the sound of footfalls met their ears. With no time to spare to pull up their trousers, Philip let his body fall over Lily's, holding her head to his chest and covering her bright hair with his arms. Lily's face was smashed into his jacket, his zipper pressing into her nose in a very uncomfortable way. It was just enough to muffle her "Hey!" of indignation.

Philip looked up to see a fellow named Edward—a friend of a friend, the Slytherin seeker, and also in his 7th year—skid to a halt at the doorway to the staircase.

"Get out!" Philip yelled sharply. Edward's eyes widened and he turned around, almost tripping back down the stairs in his haste. Edward yelled back, a bit muffled as he headed down the stairs, "Sorry Philip, Ava; as you were!"

By this point, the mood was utterly killed—dead and buried, actually. But Philip gave one last feeble thrust before sighing and pulling away. He did himself up and muttered some curses before abandoning Lily completely, without even a "see you tomorrow."

As high as she was, she laid there for several moments, her jeans still undone and around her thighs. Darkness swirled above her, turning into double vision and then triple vision, and then colliding back together. "I know the constellations," she muttered in anger, but still failed to name any her mind. She blamed her lack of sobriety and got up, collecting herself and heading back to her dorm.

The next day, Philip sat with Ava at breakfast with all of her friends in Slytherin. Something Philip liked about Ava was the fact she was in Slytherin—not only was she beautiful, but she had a quiet, naughty smile, like she knew something he didn't, something good, something he'd want to know. She was mysterious, even after three years of dating. He knew eventually he would know more about her and the anomaly that was Ava would dissolve, but for now, her hand was inching up his thigh under the table and soft dimples were showing on her creamy complexion as one of her friends cracked a joke. Her green eyes cut to him, a dark, olive green, narrowing a little, her lips slanting in a way that made his stomach churn in want. Yes, she seemed to know something. He thought back to the night before with Lily—did Edward say something?

He nervously looked over to Edward, who was acting normal so far, sitting on his other side. He jumped a bit as her hand came dangerously close to his crotch.

Something Philip didn't like about Ava was her purity ring, silver and blindingly bright, only two thin pieces of fabric away from his hard-on. After a year of dating, he figured she would give in. But she didn't. Two more years, and still she sat next to him, ever the tease, ever the enigma.

He had been dating Ava for six months when he noticed Lily Potter—fresh-faced at eleven. He could tell she would be pretty. It was in her third year, only six months before, when he saw her walking alone and made his move, almost unable to resist. And to his intense happiness, she gave in. She wasn't the first girl he had cheated on Ava with, but definitely the best, and definitely the youngest, and definitely the first virgin. Something in him told him it was wrong, someone so young, but he couldn't bring himself to care, much less stop.

"I have head duties with Philip later, so I can't," Ava said, making Philip snap to attention at the mention of his name. Edward cracked up laughing next to him. Philip felt his blood turn cold as Ava's hand stilled, giving Edward an annoyed look.

"What?" she snapped.

"Nothing—just—," Edward tried to catch his breath. "Head… duties. Oh, Merlin." He sucked in breath, looking to Philip for confirmation, but he wasn't laughing. And Ava wasn't going to let it go.

"Is this supposed to be something dirty? Because I would never," Ava said, pulling her hand away from Philip's thigh and holding up her ring finger. She was proud of it. It had become a constant joke among Philip's friends, and cause for embarrassment.

"Mhmm, like that ever stopped you," Edward said. "Anyways, I'm done. Nice one, mate." He clapped Philip on the shoulder and left. Everyone was quiet at the table, Ava's friends giving them odd looks.

"Well, I've no idea what that was about," Philip said, a practiced liar. Ava smiled and kissed his cheek, not a bit worried.

Meanwhile, two tables over, Lily sat alone, slumped over the table, bags under her eyes after so many nights of what could've been good rest sacrificed to the head boy's libido.

ii. When lily failed potions

Lily was sobbing.

"I'm sorry," Professor Slughorn said, standing awkwardly apart from her, unsure how to comfort her. "But this late in the year, I'm afraid it's too late to raise your grade in a way that could save you."

Lily shook her head, still sobbing, cursing herself for every assignment she pushed aside, every paper she didn't write, every exam she didn't study for in favor of sleeping, smoking, or having sex.

"Even if you got a perfect score on the final… I'm afraid…" Slughorn didn't finish. The ironic thing was Lily attended every Slug Club meeting just to see Philip without Ava, spiking the punch before they went off together. She supposed that was why Slughorn hadn't had the heart to ever really come down on Lily. Every time she failed or didn't turn in work, he took it as a personal flaw, never blaming Lily, only singing her praises, which made her feel even worse for letting him down now.

Surely her parents already knew.

Oh, Merlin._ They knew._

Lily cared about very few things, but one of the few things she loved very much were her immediate family—Mum, Dad, James, and Albus. Albus was her ultimate confidante and protector, James, in seventh year, was her fellow prankster and alcohol supplier, Mum always understood her and slept with her when her bouts of depression became too much and she cried great, racking sobs through the night, and Dad was her hero, her friend, and her quidditch coach after Mum's injury.

She couldn't stand to let them down, and she couldn't possibly explain why she had failed.

Lily waited for Philip to show. He was late. They agreed to meet at midnight at their ledge on the astronomy tower. He walked in fifteen minutes after 12. Her arms crossed over her chest, she was huffing out cold air, angry and distraught.

"Hey," Philip barely got out before Lily was climbing back over the ledge to stand before him, her blue eyes narrowed under blonde lashes.

"You ruined… everything!" she yelled, her voice rough from ragged breathing and crying.

"Oh, and how's that?" he asked, his hands in his pockets, not a smidgeon of worry in his eyes or his easy smile. Lily's chest felt like it was breaking apart. She wanted him to get mad, or annoyed, or defend himself, or to even care, just a little bit.

"I'm failing potions," she said, let down a bit by his lack of response. "Not even that, I already failed it. There's no way I'll pass."

He frowned, utterly forced, as far as Lily could tell, and came forward to hug her. He enveloped her in his arms, her shaking, cold, short little body, and she moved into him, wrapping her arms around his waist and crying into his shoulder. "Shhh, I'm sorry, babe. It'll be okay. You don't even like potions, so there's no big deal to be had. You'll just nail it next year, I'll be sure of it."

"We both know that's not true," she sniffled, "you'll be gone, at university, becoming a healer. And I'll be dropped from the class or have to retake it."

"Oh, babe," he sighed into her hair, warming her scalp for a moment. He kissed her head, having to bend his neck all the way down, over a head taller than her. His fingers eased into her hair, his cold palms pressed to her neck, tilting her head back and kissing her chapped lips. She resisted for a moment, but gave in as her body warmed to his touch. He picked her up so her legs wrapped around his hips, and walked back until she was sat down on the stone ledge again.

"I don't want to tonight," she mumbled against his lips as his hands fumbled to unzip her jumper. His hands continued to fumble with the caught zipper until anger flared up in her and sent a jolt of electricity through their connected lips. He jolted back, pushing her until she almost lost her balance and fell back seven stories. She gasped, falling back over onto the astronomy tower floor, tears flooding her eyes, her lips stinging from the shock.

"What the fuck?" he yelled, covering his bleeding mouth where he had bit down hard on his tongue.

"I didn't mean to," she said softly, trying to stop her tears from falling. "You just… I'm just mad."

"I just what?" he spat, literally spat, blood and saliva falling from his lips and splatting against stone. "You're such a bitch sometimes." He turned and started to leave, still covering his mouth. Lily shot up, chasing after him, barely able to grab his shoulder as he started down the stairs.

"Wait! Where are you going?!" Lily was desperate, and the desperation was clear in her voice, and she couldn't stop the tears from falling this time. Philip didn't seem concerned as he answered, "I dunno, maybe Ava's up for something tonight."

He was almost around the corner of the spiraling staircase when Lily finally got her voice back, screaming "Fuck you!" at his back.

iii. When they were actually caught

"Hey, Ava, wake up, baby."

There was a soft tickling against her cheek, and she pulled in a sharp breath before opening her eyes into his—her boyfriend's, a warm brown, wide and alight, completely awake. His hand was cold, his cheeks flushed in the white light streaming in from the moon and through the lake. A fish swam by, tail flapping against the thick glass.

"Have you been outside?" Ava murmured. His eyes stayed alight, his hand still caressing her cheek, but he didn't answer, instead suggesting she scoot over. As head girl, she had her own room apart from her fellow seventh year Slytherins. Many a night, pretty much since the night the year started, he had been suggesting they sleep together, but she resisted, knowing what that could lead to. She knew he couldn't sleep very well at night and often messed around, his hands roaming her body, and she would eventually end up annoyed, kicking him out.

"Scoot over, baby," he whispered in a rush. He seemed excited, as if something had just happened, as if he had been going all night. She looked over at her alarm clock. 2 in the morning. She scooted over, hoping he would just let her sleep. But as soon as he was under the covers, his fingers were digging under her t-shirt, pulling the fabric up. She gasped at his ardent wickedness, immediately pushing him away and yanking her shirt down where it had only revealed her soft, fleshy stomach. She was blushing in the dark, embarrassed and shocked.

"What on earth are you doing, Philip?!" she whispered, even though she was now fully awake and knew exactly what he was doing. This wasn't the first time he had showed up in the night, unannounced, looking for pleasure. The farthest they had ever gone was heavy make-out sessions, some heavy petting, and one time at the beginning of the year, he had somehow gotten her bra off, but once his head started to dip to her nipple, she came back to her senses and kicked him out. It had taken him a week to get back in her good graces, and he hadn't touched her breasts since.

"I wanna make love, baby," he said, breathless, reaching for her again. There was a passion in his eyes she had never seen. He had always been a bit wild, enthusiastic, telling her he loved her when she hesitated over his zipper, or kissing her hard while she explained why she couldn't have sex with him to distract her.

"What! What is wrong with you? It's 2 in the morning! Can this wait?!" Ava was appalled. This had never happened, this absolute zealous and forthright sexual behavior. It had always been more of a slow, steady build. They hadn't even had alone time since winter break. She wondered what had brought this on. Had he been wandering the castle again?

"Ava, you know I love you and I know you love me, so why not? Forget about the ring," Philip reached for her hand and tried to wrench it off her finger, and she yelled out in pain.

"What—what—stop! Stop that!" She pulled her hand away forcefully, her eyes wet and her heart pounding. Her hand back and flattened to her chest, she met his eyes, blinking fast. "What brought this on?"

Philip spoke fast, placing his hand over hers on her chest almost lovingly, if it weren't for the fact that his other hand was digging into the bed in a frenzied way, "The fact that we've been together for three years and I love you and I want to show you I love you. You're beautiful, Ava, we're going to get married, so we're going to do it eventually. Why not now?"

"Um, there's school tomorrow, it's 2 in the morning, we're not ready…" she trailed off, still utterly flummoxed. "Do you even have a condom?"

He smiled and reached for his pocket. Oh. So he _had_ thought it out beforehand. (It had really been for Lily, is what she didn't know).

"I promised God I wouldn't have sex before I was married, Philip," she said, slipping her hand out from his. But her voice sounded weak to her own ears. And he smiled, and his smile was calm and beautiful, so he must've heard it, too.

They collided in the middle, kissing fervently. Ava didn't even masturbate, so she felt a deep need she had never felt before. She let herself accept the fact that she wanted it, she wanted it more than anything in that moment. Once she accepted that fact, things moved a little faster. She pulled her shirt off over her head, and he stared at her bare chest with a triumphant feeling he had never felt with any other girl. Ava's breasts were full, much bigger than Lily's very flat chest, but he knew that, since Ava was much chubbier than Lily. They were a little far apart, nipples large, perfectly imperfect. He felt like he was dreaming. Angry and turned on, coming to Ava's room had been an idea he had only said to hurt Lily, and he had no idea it would actually pay off.

He fondled her chest, yanking at her pink nipples as she fell back over him, whimpering and groaning in almost a pornographic way. He was so hard it hurt. And he knew she could feel it, too. She ground against him with a natural ease she never knew she had, and felt gratification in a spot only Philip had touched, and rarely touched, at that.

They kissed for only a few minutes before he got her pants off, which were the only bottoms she slept in that night—light pink granny panties, with an old stain on the crotch. He tried not to cringe at the mere sight of them, thinking of Lily's lacy numbers that never ceased to excite him.

He flipped her over onto her back, undressing himself quickly before she could change her mind. Her thoughts were racing, unable to comprehend what was happening; only that she had felt better than ever before. She didn't feel big like she usually did, only gorgeous under the heated gaze of her boyfriend. A finger entered her, and she gasped, not necessarily enjoying the in-and-out sensation, but definitely enjoying what his thumb was doing higher up. She had a fleeting thought—wondering, if he had never done this before, since he was a virgin just like her, why he seemed to know exactly what he was doing, and with a practiced hand, doing it well. But she hardly thought it before two fingers were inside her, stretching.

With each moment, Philip felt less and less gratified. Every girl he had fucked before never took this much grueling foreplay—having to finger her and turn her on and distract her from the fact that she wanted to wait until marriage. With Lily, he got to thrust in without warning, he got to slap and choke and bite her like he wanted to, like _she_ wanted him to. He had a feeling Ava wouldn't go for that. No, she definitely wouldn't go for any of that. But he couldn't back out now, and he had to get it in before he got soft.

"Ready?" he asked, without waiting for a reply. He was putting on the condom, which he had summoned with his wand on the side of the bed. She gasped, her eyes flashing with panic. He looked up at her between her bent legs, over the dark hair on her crotch, over her rolling stomach, to her quivering lips. He had to move fast. He rolled it down his length and settled back between her legs, his face breathing against her opening. His hands guided her legs over his shoulders, and he began to lick and suck, working his tongue over her clit. She murmured his name at the beginning, but then began to really get into it, grabbing at his hair. This would be the point Lily pulled his head back up and demanded he fuck her, now. But Ava would never say such a thing, never would she boss him around or curse.

He pulled himself back up and slowly entered, groaning and feeling her tightness like a vice, knowing that when she came back to her senses, it might be the end of their relationship, but knowing that for this moment, it was worth it to take her virginity. She hardly showed the pain she felt, and he knew why—she was wet, like, really wet. Lubricated and ready. He started to thrust once he reached the hilt, and never had missionary felt so good for him. He barely remembered to whisper "I love you" to her in a way that might sound loving, before he started really shagging her.

She screamed in all the ways he wanted, surprisingly an absolute animal in bed for her first time, and he wondered if this really was her first time or if she had been having flings on the side this whole time. This thought gave him the anger he needed to thrust at an even faster pace, his hands on her clavicle, itching to close around her neck. He withheld.

They stayed in the same position the whole time, her eyes closed, his eyes on her bouncing breasts, for the twelve minutes that it lasted. He barely told her that he was going to finish before his voice became strangled and he was, indeed, finished. He collapsed on top of her and was breathing into her silky gold hair for only a moment before she was crying into his shoulder.

"Oh, God," he groaned. Quickly he pulled away and touched her face, red and scrunched up, "I mean, baby, what's wrong? Did it hurt?" His concern was almost real, because he really had felt very good and kind of wanted to do it again, feeling he could recover if she gave him half an hour.

"No, it was, I just, I love you, baby," she told him, overcome with emotion.

Sure enough, thirty minutes later, he got her to agree to try being on top and Ava had sex for the second time in her life.

Lily headed back to her room, down the astronomy tower stairs, still crying. She knew she wouldn't be able to sleep. She headed to the dungeons, in need of seeing her brother; half hoping she would run into Philip, half-hoping she wouldn't. If she saw him, he was headed to Ava. If she saw him, she could make things right. The only comfort she had was that there was no way they would have sex—Ava had a purity ring she never took off, and held over people, like her intact hymen made her better than others. It annoyed Lily, but for now, she was grateful for the stupid thing.

Lily made it to Albus' room, where he slept with all the other sixth year Slytherins. She looked around at the smelly mess and cringed, making her way through clothes and school bags and video games. She stood over Albus, on top of his sheets and in his boxers, skinny with the fluffiest duck hair you'd ever seen. His glasses sat on his arithmetic workbook next to him. His watch was still on his wrist, probably digging in to sensitive skin there and hurting him.

She nudged his shoulder and, light sleeper that he was, his eyes opened and met hers, brown just like their Mum's. "Hey," he whispered, sitting up and making room for her, "what's wrong, Lils?" She moved his book from the bed onto his nightstand, getting under the sheet that he never seemed to use, since he seemed to be a human heater as well as a wizard and a part-time chaser.

Lily cried into his shoulder until Albus finally demanded she answer or he would kick her out (he said all this in jest, mind you).

"I failed potions," Lily replied, wiping at her nose. Albus didn't reply, knowing this was the best response. If she had admitted this defeat, there was no going back—he knew Lily wouldn't have said anything unless it was final and there was no way for her to fight back.

Across the way, Slytherin keeper Ibrahim Ayoub sat up and whispered dreamily, "What's going on? Why is there a girl in here?"

"It's just my sister, go back to bed."

"Oh, hey, Lily."

"Hey, Ibrahim. Good night."

Lily took that as her cue to leave, kissed him goodnight, and headed to Gryffindor tower. She didn't see Philip on the way out, either, and looked over to the girls' wing, tempted to go in and place her ear against the door at the very end—she assumed the room at the end, since that's where Philip's room was in Ravenclaw tower.

Lily walked away, which showed a great deal of strength on her end. If something _was_ happening in that room, she didn't want to know.

Ava stared at herself at her vanity, trying to see if she looked older, liberated, or different in any way. But no, she didn't. She didn't even feel an ache down there. She stared back at the same pretty, round face. She stared back into the same dark green eyes, the same creamy skin with spots around her hairline.

She looked back down at her purity ring and considered taking it off. She twirled it around her finger. She even placed it on a necklace, considering wearing it around her neck instead. But no, that way people would definitely know, and she couldn't have that. She was living a lie with that ring on, but she couldn't take it off.

No part of Ava regretted the night before. In fact, she quite enjoyed it, and she couldn't stop smiling about it. Philip was currently in her private shower, begging her to get in with him, but she refused, wanting some alone time with her thoughts. She applied her makeup and felt better already, more beautiful and more like the flawless, virginal head girl everyone knew her to be.

They purposely headed out to breakfast early before anyone could see them leaving her room together. They held hands, proudly, smiling, more in love than they had ever been—all Ava's thoughts, by the way. Philip was anxious to see Lily. Lily, as bad as she was at Astronomy and, well, school as of late, she was perceptive—she was smart. She might look at them together and know immediately.

Lily was already at the Gryffindor table, looking rough once again. She met Philip's eyes for a moment, but he didn't let the gaze linger, not wanting to see her reaction.

Lily hadn't slept the night before. After Albus', she sat up in bed and flipped through her potions text book, considering whether she should even go to class the next day between bouts of crying. Finally, she decided she would. Maybe if she studied enough and got a perfect score on the final—she knew if she applied herself she could—Slughorn would feel generous and let her pass. Once light started streaming in through the dorm windows, she got dressed in her usual oversized black hoodie, zipping it all the way up and flipping the hood up over her head. She wore washed out black jeans, the only color to her supplied by her bright blue eyes. Even her dark red hair seemed dull and lifeless.

With her potions book clutched to her chest and her school bag filled with notes in the other, she slaved over recipes and ingredients while snacking on bacon and fried eggs. No one was there, not at her table, not even in the hall—it was much too early. Hours went by and students started to trickle in, only about ten early birds. She noticed when each one entered, and that's why she noticed Philip and Ava come in. It was hard not to notice them, even when the great hall was packed. They were the golden couple, head boy and head girl, just like her grandparents. But she had a feeling that's where the similarities ended.

They were holding hands, and Ava was smiling in a way that was inappropriate, Lily felt, for so early in the morning. She wouldn't be able to smile if all of her dreams had miraculously come true that early in the morning. But then again, she had never been up this early before, and maybe that was just Ava in the morning—glowing and beautiful. She met eyes with Philip, who also had a smile on his face, however vague and half-hearted it seemed to be, but she looked away before he could see how tired and depressed she looked. The sadness had crept back in, seeping in like a winter cold through her bones. She distanced herself from friends and especially Philip when this happened, but he somehow always found a way of breaking back in, wanting her more because she pulled away.

Suddenly not in the mood for studying, she went back to her room just as everyone was getting up. She collapsed in bed and didn't get up for the rest of the day, skipping all of her classes, and most importantly, potions. An owl swooped in as a classmate stopped by for a forgotten book before the door closed behind her, landing on her headboard and dropping a letter right onto her face. Dread dropped into her stomach as she saw it was from her mother.

Clutching the letter to her chest, she began to cry again, knowing exactly what it would say, and knowing that it would only make her feel worse. It would say: Is it the depression again? Are you okay? I'm here for you. We'll get you caught up over the summer and back in the class. Don't worry, honey. We love you.

She wrote back when she found the energy later in the evening without even opening the letter, insisting that she was okay, that she couldn't wait for Easter break to see the family again, and that she loved her, too. Lily fell asleep at eight and didn't wake up until noon the next day, missing her first class and just barely making it for the end of astronomy. She grabbed the notes from a friend and headed to Ravenclaw tower, knowing that she needed something, and she wasn't going to deprive herself of what she needed.

Philip entered his room to a wonderful surprise.

And a surprise he needed, too. And he wasn't going to deprive himself of what he needed.

Ava was reeling on the inside, holding in her news all day. She wanted to tell Sharon what had happened so badly. Sharon was her best friend, and they told each other everything. Sharon had told Ava when she lost her virginity at end of last summer, so it was only fair that she did the same.

But upon looking around Sharon's room where the rest of her Slytherin seventh year friends slept, she couldn't find her. She looked around the library as well, wandered through the great hall, and even checked the infirmary—but no Sharon.

Well, the good thing was, she always had Philip. And now they had something else they could do.

She headed to Ravenclaw tower, excitement coursing through her. Would they have sex again? Was that how it worked now—they could just do it whenever, or was it just special occasions? She thought maybe they shouldn't have sex all the time—sex was special, and she had been saving it for marriage. But looking into Philip's eyes that night, she knew that he was going to be her husband, so it didn't matter if it was now or later. He loved her more than anyone ever would, and she was lucky to have him. He was head boy, unbelievably handsome with his sandy blonde hair and chocolate-y eyes, intelligent and sweet, and he had waited so long for her. He was so respectful, and got along with her family. She knew he was it.

Ava opened his door, unlocked, and what she saw she couldn't comprehend. There was so much skin, it took her several moments to understand. The noises emanating from the room were so loud and lewd, she realized there must've been a silencing charm on the door, because it was silent when she had walked down the hall. A girl was bent over the bed, facing away from her, her long, bare back deeply freckled. She could tell the girl was skinny—her shoulder blades stuck out of her back, and so did each little bump of her spine. Dark red hair splayed out around her head like a halo. She looked up to the man behind her—Philip, his bare bottom facing her, clenched as he thrust into this girl—who was this girl? She couldn't think of anyone in their year with red hair, and not even in the year below, except for Rose, but her hair was more ginger and curly.

They didn't notice her entrance, and continued with their act, Philip reaching out for the girl's hair and yanking on it so her head came up and into view. And then his other hand came up, slapping her butt, hard, over and over, making Ava wince. Horrified, she recognized the face—Lily Potter, famous daughter of Harry Potter. She was all over Witch Weekly. She remembered, just last week, flipping through an issue with her friends on _Stealing Lily's Look_, under which was listed expensive brands of dark hoodies and ripped jeans she had actually considered buying. And now here she was, getting fucked by her boyfriend. Her boyfriend who had just taken her virtue. Her sacred virginity that she had waited to give him, the love of her life. Oh God.

"Oh, God," she said, clutching at her heart, unable to breathe. Lily screamed in shock, Philip pulling away, and they both stood and turned to her, Philip's dick still flopping around. They looked shocked. Oh, God, they looked _caught._

"Wait," Philip said, "wait wait wait—," but Ava wasn't going anywhere, clutching the wall, stock still, unable to cry because she was so utterly confused and heartbroken and shocked.

And Lily—well, stumbling around for her clothes, accidentally pulling on Philip's shirt instead of her own (adding insult to injury), she didn't seem happy at all. Ava thought, because her boyfriend was so coveted, she might seem triumphant—but no, Lily seemed on the verge of tears as well. She turned around after pulling on her left shoe and Ava saw, oh, God, no, Lily was full-on crying, face bright red and eyes squinted and watery.

Philip had gotten dressed as well, but was sans shirt, as Lily had taken his. He knelt in front of where Ava had slid to the floor, hands still clutched to her heart. "Baby, wait, this—I'm so sorry, she was just in my room and she was all over me and—"

Lily grabbed her wand and slipped out before she could hear any more of his lies.

"—I let my emotions slip away from me and, Ava, baby, I wasn't thinking, I just wasn't thinking. You know I love you, right? Ava, please—!"

Ava slapped him and got up, pushing him back as he tried to get closer. He kept talking as she walked out, but she managed to slam the door in his face and lock it with her wand before fleeing. However, he didn't manage to catch up.

iv. When Philip graduated

Mrs. Onwudiwe sat across a large oak desk from Lily, her long, brown fingers crossed together in front of her, her head covered in a bright orange patterned scarf and her dark eyes examining Lily. They had been sitting in silence for over five minutes, and Lily was too afraid to break it.

Nia Onwudiwe had a way of scrutinizing people until they felt like bursting from discomfort. For a while she had taught divination as well as counseling students, but eventually took on counseling full-time, much to her students' relief, since hardly anyone could get away with even passing a note behind her back during class. However, becoming the student body's counselor wasn't much better—answering to questions like "how are you doing in school?" and "why have you been missing class?" became much more loaded questions than they might've been under the previous counselor. Lily felt this same scrutiny, and shivered in her seat despite her heavy jacket.

"So," Mrs. Onwudiwe finally spoke, "I chatted with some of your professors about your recent low grades, absences, and general rule-breaking."

Lily expected the first two, but definitely not the third, and made this clear with a sharp question: "What rule-breaking?"

It looked like the counselor wanted to roll her eyes, but was holding back. She replied between tight lips, "Well, for one, breaking dress code."

Lily almost fell out of her chair in surprise. She had been breaking dress code almost all of third year, and no one had said anything. She looked down at her current outfit—black hoodie in lieu of a black school-issued Gryffindor robe, zipped up over her white button-up shirt sans tie (which she had lost in the laundry), wrinkled gray skirt, and black tights with several runs over the knees and thighs. The most ghastly part of the ensemble, at least to Nia Onwudiwe, were the shiny, bright red rain boots—even though, oddly enough, it was one of the few days where it wasn't raining.

Unsure of what to say or how to apologise, Lily remained silent.

"Also, you've failed to show up for detention three times since winter break, for which you were caught wandering the castle past curfew." Lily sighed, actually aware of this infraction. A sliver of detestation towards Philip, who had never been caught nor punished, ran through her. The golden boy. She wanted to throw up.

"However, there is a silver lining," she continued. Lily sat up straighter, her red boots squeaking over the wooden floor. "You're passing—albeit barely—all of your classes, except potions. But after speaking with Professor Slughorn, he has agreed to let you pass the year if you make a perfect score on the final exam. Now, since you shouldn't even be able to pass, this is big news. If you really apply yourself, I think you can do it."

Lily felt her stomach drop. A perfect score? It was impossible. She was pretty sure no one could get a perfect score on a potions final. But it was her only chance, and she needed to do this. And here was a woman with the power of divination telling her she could do it. Lily agreed and was dismissed, scheduled with another three detentions, orders to change clothes for the rest of her classes, and headed off to begin studying immediately.

Ava hadn't talked to Philip in 3 days.

Lily hadn't talked to Philip in 3 days.

Philip patrolled the castle at his regular schedule, but Ava, naturally, as head girl, his patrolling partner, didn't show up. He had waited around at their usual spot for fifteen minutes before bailing.

Wandering the castle at night was the last thing he wanted to be doing. Philip hated being alone with his thoughts, and that's why he constantly needed something—or someone—to take up his time. He had spent almost every single night with Lily since their first rendezvous, and he had to admit, he missed her. He missed Ava, too, but he just didn't see her as much as he saw Lily. He had taken them both for granted, especially Lily.

He checked the Astronomy Tower five times that night, but each time it was empty. No late-night stragglers, nobody looking for a quiet place to think, no lovers, no Lily. Depressed Lily. Tiny Lily. Beautiful, sexy, intriguing Lily.

Philip was rounding a corner when he ran into someone, chest-to-chest. He jumped back before there was any true damage in the collision, and was surprised to look up and see Rose Weasley.

"Oh, Philip! Hi! I've been looking for you, actually," Rose said, her voice much too chipper for his current mood. Philip assessed her quickly—he hardly saw her up close. They weren't exactly friends, or even acquaintances. Her hair was in crunchy curls, styled by mousse, he assumed. Her prefect badge glimmered on her lumpy black sweater, and her rectangular face was twitching with a nervous smile. Considering how beautiful Lily was, he was surprised Rose was even related.

"Hey, Rose. What's up?" He wished he hadn't rounded this corner. He wondered if he had jinxed himself by wishing he had company.

She sucked in a breath, "Ava sent me to cover her patrol shift with you. She's caught a bit of a cold. Anyways, I know it's been a couple hours, but don't worry, I've been patrolling in the meantime!" Rose smiled her winning smile, which Philip decided was probably her only redeeming feature—straight, white teeth and a dimple on each side of her plump, pink lips. For just a flash of a second, he considered kissing those lips, just out of loneliness. Then he remembered himself.

"Right. Well, I think I'm actually going to head back early tonight. Thanks anyways." He began to stride past her, but she stepped to the side, blocking his route.

"Where are you going?" she asked, tilting her head in a way she probably thought was cute. "Ravenclaw tower is that way." Rose lifted an arm, pointing behind him, but in doing so, brushed his shoulder and took a step closer. He almost wanted to roll his eyes.

"You don't have to try so hard, you know."

Rose took a surprised step back, back to where she had been when she'd blocked him. Her face was all degrees of surprised and embarrassed. At what he said, and that he'd caught on.

"Oh. Well, I'll just go then." Rose walked past him, in what was indeed the direction to Ravenclaw tower. He hadn't been heading there, obviously. He wanted to check the Astronomy Tower one last time.

His heart sinking lower with each step up, he truly didn't expect to see anyone up there. To his astonishment, he was wrong. Three girls sat in a circle beneath the stars, all in pajamas, passing around a bottle of liquor.

"Hey!" he exclaimed. They all turned. He didn't register their faces, could only register his misguided anger. "Give me that." Philip strode forward and took the bottle, still half empty. Hah. Half empty. Not half full, not right now, he thought.

They sheepishly all stood up. They were young, probably third or fourth years, faces dotted in zit cream, one girl even sporting a nose strip. "What house are all of you in?"

"Hufflepuff," they all said at once.

"10 points from Hufflepuff. And I'm confiscating this. You're lucky you caught me on a good night, otherwise I'd be reporting you to McGonagall. Next time, I won't hesitate. Now back to bed!" All three of them scuttled out, leaving Philip alone with half a bottle of—he check the label—fireball.

He sat down on his and Lily's ledge, and figuring it might be some firewhiskey knock-off, drank a quarter of the bottle until he was thinking about Lily and raving at the sky. He pointed to a star. "Stupid bitch doesn't even know what this constellation is. Stupid bitch! Why won't she talk to me?" He took another gulp, saw a bird fly past, and yelled at it "Oh yeah! And she thinks _she_ won't talk to _me_? I'm the head boy! No one ignores _me_!" Eventually, he was collapsed into tears, banging his feet against the stone wall, body racking in a way that was truly childish. He punched the ledge until his knuckles went bloody.

That night was truly a miracle, because when Philip passed out on the ledge, he somehow didn't fall to his death, like he probably should have. He was also lucky when, the next morning, he wasn't woken up by a prefect or a professor, but instead a pretty girl in the year below. In his hung-over state, Christine led him back to his room, getting rid of the bottle (which was somehow now empty), tucked him into bed, and disappeared into his bathroom to return with medicine and a cold washrag, placed over his forehead.

"Wow, you're so nice," he whispered as she turned to leave. She laughed a light laugh, and in that moment, he thought he might be in love. Later in the day when he saw her at lunch with her boyfriend of two years whom he had forgotten, he felt embarrassed for the first time in a long time. Embarrassment turned to annoyance which morphed into resentment, and by the end of the day, as he lay in bed trying to rid Lily and Ava from his mind, he had decided that Christine was actually the devil incarnate.

Lily drank three coffees and two teas the Sunday before her potions exam.

For anyone who had seen Lily the past couple of weeks, they had definitely noticed the change: first of all, no hoodie, except after school and on weekends. Her hair was always dirty or in a bun, and she could always be found at the library, nose stuck in a book. Sometimes you could see yellow or pink or green highlighter streaked and smudged across her hands and sometimes her face.

She didn't seem stressed or nervous—for the first time, she had purpose. She was focused, calm, and steady. She flipped through pages with an assurance and interest that never was connected with Lily Potter—perhaps with Molly Weasley or Rose Weasley, perhaps Albus, but never Lily.

Acing her potions final was the perfect opportunity to get her mind off of… other things.

Never before had Lily applied herself so much or thrown herself into something as much as she was for this potions final. She hardly slept, and the line of empty cups to the right of where she was set up in a far corner of the library with her notes attested to this.

Her brain felt fried. Every single thing she had ever known had been forgotten and replaced with potions. Potions, potions, and more potions. She couldn't remember her mum's middle name, but she knew every single ingredient that went into a Girding Potion, and in what order and quantity. She felt prepared, which was so much farther than where she had started—with her crumpled, lacking notes stuffed in a bag, and a vague idea of a section of the library where potion-making books were. Now she frequented this particular section of the library, with clean, detailed notes and a cemented study routine broken by intervals for snacks and highly-caffeinated hot beverages.

Lily checked her watch, saw that it was eleven at night, and felt something spread through her chest. It was a warmth—no, it was a _heat_—that permeated and wrapped around her heart so tightly her breath left her and her limbs tingled with an excitement and nervousness she hardly ever felt. It just wasn't in Lily's nature to be nervous or excited—apathetic, maybe. Bored, yes. This feeling trumped all of that.

It was time. She had set a mental alarm to go to bed at eleven, and now there was nothing left to do but go to bed, get a good night's sleep (finally), and get up at eight for her potions final. She had truly done everything she could. She had studied her arse off and stuffed her brain full of information beyond what the review that Slughorn had passed out during class had outlined. For the past month, she had worked harder than she ever had, and now it was finally over. All there was left to do was rest.

Walking back to Gryffindor Tower was excruciating; she wanted that test in her hands right now, just to get it over with. Her bones fell to pieces as she fell into bed, and her brain seemed to sink down a drain with all the dirty water in the imaginary sink of her throbbing head. She didn't even get a chance to change out of her school clothes before she was softly snoring, bed still made beneath her, dreaming about a bath tub filled with the most powerful love potion on earth. She was sinking into the pink, sparkly bubbles, warmth surrounding her like she was in a womb. Her eyes slid closed in pure ecstasy as she took a breath in of sickly sweet… what was that smell…?

Dream Lily opened her eyes as she finally recalled the smell—weed. Across the tub, there he sat—Philip, smiling at her with his signature devilish smile. Lily felt herself being pulled under the bath water, the amortentia filling her lungs, and she couldn't make it stop.

"And as the long, winding road stretches ahead of us, we truly can look back at the road we've walked so far and feel appreciative for all the love and support we've received. Thank you," Ava spoke into the microphone before her, looking radiant in soft pink flowing robes.

Lily rolled her eyes. What love? Philip didn't love Ava, and he didn't love her either.

Lily sat at the back of the audience with her parents on one side of her and Albus on the other, watching James graduate. _If Ava ever stops fucking yammering about roads, _Lily thought bitterly. At least Philip's speech was over. That had truly been torture, to watch him flash his charming smile into the audience, intensely meeting her eyes at several points, throwing out witty comments and making the crowd chuckle in approval. If only they knew.

James made his way across the stage once they called his name, shaking McGonagall's hand and accepting his diploma. He held it in the air before walking off, waving it towards his family and causing McGonagall to angrily shoo him off with a smack of her wand. However, the admonishment didn't stop him from waving the rest of the way across the stage, or Ronald Weasley and Harry Potter to whoop and holler from the back row. Rose covered her chuckle, leaning forward to meet eyes with Lily and laugh. Lily smirked and rolled her eyes, but Albus was into it too, yelling "Yeah, Jamie!"

The graduating class was small; therefore, Lily didn't have to sit long during the ceremony, her eyes flickering over to the very smug and happy-looking Philip. He made her sick.

The banquet afterward was held in the Great Hall, but friends and family mingled with the graduates before heading off to eat. Lily stood in a circle with Albus, her mum and dad, and James. James was bragging towards a chagrined Albus, laughing at him and saying "you still have another year, aw wittle Al has another year of homework and school and I get to—,"

He was finally cut off when someone appeared, throwing his arm around James' shoulder in a friendly greeting. Lily almost gasped out loud; it was Philip, grinning at James like they were best friends. She felt her body grow cold and suddenly wasn't sure where to look, not wanting to see Philip, but unable to look away from his painfully beautiful face.

"Hi, James. Congrats," Philip said, his eyes not so much as glancing toward her. To Lily's surprise, James smiled back, as if they really _were_ friends, thanking him and introducing him to their mum and dad.

"Oh, and this is my little sister, Lily," James introduced, waving toward her and making her face grow hot. She felt on the spot, uncomfortable in what she felt was a now much-too-small formal black dress, face feeling heavy in what she thought had only been a little bit of cover-up and mascara. Lily cringed in anticipation of what he could possibly say in response.

"Of course I know Lily," Philip said, flashing them all a winning smile and making her nostrils flare in a brief flash of anger. "I tutored her in potions."

"What?" Lily and her parents said at the same time. To Lily's shock, Harry looked impressed, and Ginny looked ecstatic.

"Didn't you hear? She got a perfect score on her potions exam. We worked really hard for it," Philip explained, moving toward Lily and placing a platonic, condescending hand on her shoulder. Her whole body went stiff. "She's going to pass for the year!"

"Wow, Lily! That's amazing! Why didn't you tell us? I thought you'd have to redo the year! Oh, Philip, you saved us," Ginny gushed.

"This is great news! Good job, Lily. I didn't think it was possible," Harry said, nodding at Philip in approval even as he spoke to Lily.

"What?" Lily spat. "Of course I cou—," but Harry quickly backtracked.

"No, I didn't mean you couldn't do it, I just meant—I just meant to say—," he sighed, looking to his wife. She rolled her eyes, refusing to help him out of the hole he'd dug for himself. "What I'm trying to say is that a tutor was a great idea. We owe you, Philip."

"Did you pay him, Lily?" Ginny asked, nudging Harry, who was picking up her intention and digging out his wallet.

"Yes, what's your rate, Philip?" Harry asked.

Everything was happening so fast, Lily felt she might fall over. Suddenly money was being shoved in Philip's face, he was refusing it, they were exchanging phone numbers for further tutoring in the following year with promise of pay, and an open invitation to dinner with the Potters' was mentioned. Lily felt her breathing grow so fast she felt her head spin. What was happening? What the hell was happening?!

Philip was being so fucking _humble_, too. He deserved an Oscar.

Lily couldn't get to the Great Hall fast enough.

All through dinner, she couldn't relax. She felt eyes on her back, and she knew who it was that was looking. She tried to remind herself that it didn't matter; that she had earned that passing grade herself and it didn't matter if Philip took credit. _She_ knew.

In the middle of dinner, she left to go to the bathroom, but as she was leaving she saw Philip get up and follow her out. She began to walk faster, but she knew he'd be able to catch up no matter what. He could wiggle his way out of any situation, and could wiggle his way back in just as easily.

As soon as she was out the door and around the corner, she was being pushed up against the wall and kissed like Philip had this one last day to live. He grabbed her face with forceful fingers, stroking her sides and chest and grabbing at her hair while they kissed. Lily kissed him back hard, biting his lip and shivering as she groaned. He nudged her legs apart with a knee, pressing his thigh between them and rubbing at her sweet spot. They pushed and pulled their way into a broom closet, panting and holding each other so tight neither could breathe properly. They slid to the floor, and despite hygiene, tore each other's clothes off. As their bodies connected and slid in rhythm together, Lily pulled away from his lips and whispered, "I hate you."

Philip snarled, grabbing her face and pushing harder and faster into her until she was whining and shrieking in pleasure. After a while of this, he gradually slowed, his breath mingling with hers, and they rolled over so she was on top. Lily stopped for a moment, unsure. As many times as they'd had sex, she'd never been in a position of dominance.

"Go ahead, Lily. Hate me. Show me," he said. He smiled a grin up at her that struck a nerve. She wanted to show him she hated him. _I hate him._

She grabbed him by the neck, her thumbs pressing into the sides of his jaw, and began to ride him, slowly, just to gauge his reaction. He let out a long sigh, his eyes rolling back, and he grabbed at her hips, loving the feeling.

"Is this you hating me, Lily? Because it feels more like you love me," he croaked. Lily's heart beat faster, and she moved her hips faster, pressing harder into his neck, leaning forward to bite at his lip. She wanted to draw blood. She wanted to hate him.

"I hate you," she moaned, giving up on moving her hips and bouncing on him instead. He grinned at her, seemingly seeing through her in a way that angered her even more. "I hate you." Her voice was weak. She was weak.

He rolled her back over, holding the back of her neck up so tenderly she felt her eyes water. Their eyes met with a sort of fire she was sure he never could've felt with anyone else. How could anyone connect this way, like they did? How could any other couple bind and tangle in the passion and fury that they did? She didn't think it was possible for anyone to feel such desire.

Philip moved thrust forward, holding her body with his arms, his head on her shoulder, face buried in her messy hair. A gentle hand stroked her hair away from her ear, whispering into it, "No one can make you feel this way. Only me, Lily. Only I can love you like this." His sentence trailed off into breaths, and Lily was grateful he had stopped talking, because she felt she might fall apart in his arms from his voice alone. He had never mentioned love around her. He was careful not to.

"You love me?" she whispered in response, her voice choked with emotion. Philip yanked on her hair so that her head came back and his eyes met hers. His brown eyes burned, his pupils so wide they appeared black.

He slowed until he finally finished.

Philip stood up, pulled his clothes back on, and left before Lily could even think of anything to say.

The whole night, Lily cried. She spent James' graduation party in her room, hugging her pillow and grieving over her lost love. Her foolish love. She hated him.

The next morning, Philip received an owl post signed by Lily with only two words written: _It's over._


	2. Chapter 2

Lily didn't mean to fall in love again. She really didn't. Nearly a year passed before she did, to her credit. But still, throughout her fourth year, she stuck to her new mantra: _no falling in love. _No love at all. Luckily, the opportunity never arose; however, she was afraid her weakened heart could fall for anyone in her state. Lily was easily swayed. It wasn't her favorite quality about herself.

Over the summer, no matter how lonely or sad she got, she made sure she didn't reach out to anyone for any sort of physical gratification—even though their third year seemed to have transformed the Scamander twins into quite handsome young men, and Lysander undoubtedly had a crush on her. Seeing them at family barbeques over the summer, she always considered it, pulling one of them to the side or inviting one up to her room. But whenever these possibilities passed through her mind, she felt a little empty inside, knowing it would mean nothing and knowing how trashy she would feel afterwards. Philip always made it clear no one could make her feel like he could, so why even try?

Lily Potter wanted to love someone. She liked loving someone. As horrible as Philip had been, she had found purpose in loving him. She liked the feeling. She simultaneously hated the feeling. But now, knowing how she cried at night, despite how fun and freeing the summer was supposed to be, she knew she wasn't ready to love again. She was too young. Too inexperienced. Too neglected.

Lily's fourth year began, just like every year at Hogwarts began: on a September first, packing her things in the morning. She felt sad. She felt hopeful. Every motion felt a little bitter sweet, as she packed up her sweaters, her Keds, her cigarillos (hidden with her tampons).

She wondered how it would feel not seeing Ava and Philip everywhere. She wondered how it would feel not seeing James everywhere, or Fred, or Molly. She still had Albus, but only for another year. She still had Rose, who, despite not being very close to, was fun to gossip with (_listen_ to her gossip) every now and then. Lily wondered if she'd have another romance, or however much she and Philip were as a "romance." She hoped, if she did meet someone, it wouldn't play out the way it had before. But no—no romance. _No falling in love_, she reminded herself.

However, what Lily needn't know yet, was that she was safe, for the year. For a whole one more year, she would be free of questioning, devilish smiles, fleeting, heated stares and roaming hands. In fact, the year was more of a whirlwind for Rose Weasley. Rose hadn't the slightest idea of any sort of impending romance, and didn't suspect such opportunity after her brazen moves toward Philip, handsome head boy way out of her league, having utterly failed in what had to be one of her most embarrassing memories. She had spent the summer a tad bummed about it, but upon seeing Ava on stage making her speech, beautiful and perfect, she wondered why she ever thought she had a chance. It didn't matter that they had broken up; of course he would be hung up on Ava. Rose was nothing special.

Unbeknownst to Rose, in a train car somewhere else, Scorpius Malfoy tapped a pen against his journal, having just written the horrifying truth: _I fancy someone._

Rose's first day of school was painful. She wondered if she was actually a walking disaster. Hurricane Rose, swirling through the halls and raining hard on everyone.

It began in potions, where she was assigned a seat beside Albus, thank Merlin. They passed notes through class as Professor Slughorn went over a summary of the course material. However, as the note was passed back, Rose's inkwell spilled when she reached for the parchment too excitedly. It landed right on her crotch, a large black spot spreading through the gray wool skirt. She screeched, jumping back, the glass well falling to the floor and shattering everywhere.

Slughorn's head jerked towards them, and the whole class turned to her, making noises of surprise and amusement. Immediately, he began to fuss over her, cleaning up the mess with a swipe of his wand and ordering her to take a trip back to her room for an outfit change. She was excused from class, embarrassed and bright red. As she passed between two rows, she felt eyes on her, and looking over, saw Scorpius Malfoy. However, he wasn't looking at her—just doodling in what looked like a leather-bound journal. She blushed harder, feeling silly for thinking someone who looked like he did would be looking at her. Even an amusing stain on her skirt wouldn't catch this particular boy's attention. This always distracted, slightly ditzy boy.

Back in her room, changed out of her ruined skirt, she considered just skipping the rest of the day. However, her mum's words echoed in her head—_education is important. Don't skip any more class._ Her words had been aimed toward Hugo over the summer, but it still stuck with her. She had always been school-oriented, just like her mum had been. Hermione's shoes were big ones to fill, but she wanted to be reminiscent of the great Hermione Granger in any way she could, brightest witch of her age. Well, it was a new age and she believed she could do it, too.

She headed back to potions, hoping to quietly slip back in (even though she was now clad in quite conspicuous blue jeans), but of course Slughorn greeted her loudly from where he stood behind a table laden with boiling pots of different colored potions. Everyone was standing, eight students total in her pre-NEWTs class, gathered around the table to get a peek at the concoctions.

"Ah, Miss Weasley, impeccable timing! We were just taking a look at some of the potions we'll be taking a look at this year. Do come closer. Come here, come quick." To Rose's discomfiture, he motioned for her to come stand beside him behind the table. Unable to refuse, everyone's eyes on her (she definitely had caught Scorpius' attention this time), she passed her classmates and stood to the side of the professor, unsure why he wanted her there.

"Go ahead, Rose, take a sniff of this one, and tell us what you smell," he said eagerly. There was a heavy silence as she followed his finger to the largest cauldron before them, brimming with pink liquid. Rose wasn't stupid. She knew it was amortentia, but had a feeling no one else did, as they also seemed curious as to what the catch was. She approached cautiously, having never actually dealt with such a mixture before. It wasn't exactly something one came across often. She had to admit, she was also curious, but would be damned if she told them the truth of what it smelled like.

She held her ginger curls back with her hand, throwing them over her shoulder and leaning forward slowly, despite how eager she was to take a deep breath in. Her face hovered over the cauldron, and she gradually inhaled. A soft euphoria filled her bones, an odd mix of relaxation, relief, and excitement. It was less of a smell as a sensation. But as a few seconds passed, she recognized several distinct scents that took her a moment to identify—

"I smell," _a feminine sort of fragrance evocative of her mum, leather, smoke, and a fresh shower scent, like shampoo and conditioner…_, "freshly mown grass and… new parchment." She stuttered a little, eyes darting down so as not to meet eyes with anyone.

"Excellent!" Slughorn exclaimed, making her jump. "What Miss Weasley has just described, students, is what she smells in Amortentia, the most powerful love potion on earth. Dangerous, yet seductive to the senses. Would anyone else like to smell?" Christine Chu's hand shot up, but Slughorn quickly shot her down, saying, "Well, that is just too bad, because class is over! Don't fret, we'll be dealing with this potion more in the future. Until next time!"

Albus waited for Rose to reclaim herself and follow him out, still a little shaken, trying to figure out where she recognized those scents.

"Freshly mown grass? New parchment?" Albus repeated skeptically. "Sounds a lot like the story Aunt Hermione tells about when she realized she loved Uncle Ron…"

Rose shrugged, her freckled nose and cheeks turning red, "Like mother like daughter, I guess." Albus still looked disbelieving, but didn't pursue the subject, however inquisitive he felt. That's what Rose liked about Albus—he knew when to let things go. Hugo didn't have this ability—in fact, he was too snoopy for his own good, and Rose found it hard to get rid of him sometimes. Luckily he was too young to cross paths with her that much at school.

Her next class brought even more pain—this time in the form of further mortification. She was paired up with Scorpius Malfoy in Magical Political Science. Each pair was supposed to work together for their first project to create an ideal society, complete with some sort of government and policy making, down to details like apparition laws and the education system to be presented as their final project. After going over the course content for the year, they had the last fifteen minutes of class to discuss planning with their partners.

Rose turned her chair to face Scorpius, nervous to meet his icy blue eyes. She had always found those eyes unsettling, but had never really had to face them until now. Rose found brown eyes much less intimidating—more solid, more trustworthy, like her mum's and like her brother's. Like Albus' and Nana's. Blue eyes were clear, bright, and almost too beautiful. She had always been jealous and scared of the piercing stare Lily, her young cousin, could inflict upon her, but looking at Scorpius was nothing like Lily. Lily could offer a smile, an eye-roll, the familiar Weasley freckles and red hair. Scorpius was an enigma—white-blond hair, cropped short but not too short, skin flawless and ivory, lips soft and pink, almost feminine in their fullness and bloom. His cheeks always seemed to be a little ruddy like he had been in the cold, even when it was hot outside. His canine teeth were just a little too long beside his incisors, giving him almost a villainous look. It drew girls to him, and had since he blossomed into this beautiful creature in third year—his fanged smile convincing every girl that he was the bad boy they could tame.

What they didn't know, and what Rose didn't know, was that he was already tamed—always had been. Even the Malfoy name couldn't convince him otherwise. Although all those girls didn't know, she had always had a feeling. His leather journal was pushed to the side, and she wondered what he wrote in there, but knew it wasn't any sort of sordid account of rebellion or carnal act like some might be led by pure judgment to believe.

"Hi," Scorpius said, simply. Rose waited for him to say something else, but after waiting several seconds, realized it was her turn.

"Hi, I'm Rose," she said, unsure if she should just assume he knew who she was.

"Yeah, I know."

Rose pressed her lips together to hide a frown and muttered, "Oh."

The flow of conversation (what little there was) seemed to stop there. His eyes didn't leave hers, and she wished she had those same piercing blue eyes like her dad did, like Lily did, like even Victoire and the ever gorgeous Dominique did. She felt intimidated by that color, and felt at a disadvantage, with her caramel-colored eyes, completely comfortable and in no way unsettling. He was so beautiful this up close, she felt embarrassed to even meet his gaze.

Rose knew she was pretty, she had been told as much her whole life. While not as pretty as Lily or her mother, and definitely not as beautiful as Dom, she still had an appeal; a lovely smile that could win over anyone, hair bright and always in tumbling, voluminous ringlets, however messy it might get. After giving up on moussing her hair into crunchy, tiny curls, she found that her big, bouncy hair actually looked quite pretty in a more natural state—in what Dominique fussed over in the most flattering way, insisting it looked like "sex hair" and that boys absolutely _loved_ that. However, Rose still hadn't embraced her naturally big-boned, full body. She wore lumpy, oversized sweaters to hide it, but it was obvious she wasn't stick-skinny, or even an attractive fat like the last head girl, Ava, had been. Ava was soft and plump and round in a curvaceous manner that boys stared at in awe. Rose was full in a way that made her feel uncomfortable in her own skin, like she was wearing a space suit. She was made of small breasts, wide hips, rolls in her stomach, and slumped shoulders that revealed just how unappealing she felt.

Rose often wondered what it felt like to feel so sure of yourself, comfortable in your own skin and beautiful and confident. Looking into Scorpius' gaze, she was lost and confused in an awkward, heavy silence, in a gaze too sharp and stunning to feel normal or like any ordinary witch. She wondered if every girl felt this way looking at him. It was hypnotizing, and not exactly relaxing. She shook herself out of her trance, looking down at her clasped hands in her lap.

"So, I guess we should figure out when our schedules free up," Rose said. She didn't dare to look up again, just listened as Scorpius read out his schedule. Rose cut in every now and then to interject with her own concurrent free time, and they drew up meeting times for the next month. Again, he wrote in his leather-bound book. A diary, perhaps?

Now, ending the class this way would have been fine with Rose. Perhaps she had been awkward and stiff around the allusive Scorpius Malfoy, but it hadn't been entirely painful. Unfortunately, the class period wasn't quite over yet.

Suddenly, Dominique was skidding into the classroom, her hair in crazy curls like they were when she hadn't had time to style it, her Gryffindor tie thrown over her shoulders but not done up. Her usually lovely, shiny pink lips were curled in a snarl as her eyes landed on Rose.

"Miss Dominique Weasley," Professor Pearl exclaimed, "you're late! By 45 minutes, actually."

"It wasn't my fault," Dominique shouted, her tone quite nasty. She pointed an accusatory finger at Rose, storming towards her, her facial expression absolutely terrifying, just like Fleur's when she was angry. "It was _Rose!_"

"What?" Rose managed to whisper in her surprise, only her new handsome colleague able to hear. Scorpius' eyes were also swiveled toward her wild-looking cousin, Dominique's finger still stabbing the air like it had done her personal wrong.

"You didn't wake me up! I _just now_ woke up! I _knew_ you didn't like me, I _knew_ you were always jealous of me, but I had _no_ _idea_ you would be so spiteful!" Dominique raved, huffing and puffing.

"Dom, why are you—?" Rose began, but the professor quickly cut off the interrogation before it got out of hand. Dominique was known for causing scenes and being surrounded by her own created drama, but the first day of school, with absolutely no warning, and toward one of her closest family members was a little out of character. Rose had seen her mad, but never at her. And jealousy? Okay, she wished she could be liked and prettier the way Dom was, but never had been malicious because of it. She tried to recall that morning, and indeed remembered Dominique still lying in bed as she left for breakfast—but, in her defense, so were a lot of other girls. She got up very early and didn't ever dare wake up Dom from her beauty sleep.

Pearl: "Now, Miss Weasley—," they both turned to her, and she quickly clarified, "—Dominique Weasley, I have no idea what makes you think you can come in like this and disturb class. Now, if you have something to say to Miss Weasley—ahem—Rose, then now is really not the time nor place."

Dominique checked herself, visibly calmed, her hair which seemed to have been standing on end relaxing a bit with her, as if exhaling a breath of relief. She spoke, "You know what? I am so sorry, Professor Pearl. I was acting inappropriately and I hope you'll forgive me. If it's alright, I would like to speak briefly with my cousin in _private_." Dominique narrowed her eyes at Rose, crossing her arms across what looked like a random, crumpled sweater she had picked up hastily off the floor, inside seams and tag showing.

"That's quite alright. Five minutes, and then you'll join Scorpius and Rose's group since everyone seems to already be paired for our first project. Go on, Rose." Pearl motioned for them to leave the classroom. Rose felt every eye stab into her as she rose slowly from her seat, especially Scorpius, and she felt quite like disappearing and forgetting this whole day.

Dominique strode out ahead of her, huffing as she walked, as if Rose was forcing her to do this. Rose entered the hallway behind her cousin, and as the classroom door shut behind her, Dom whipped around with a bright smile.

"Was I brilliant, or what?" Dominique asked, twirling a strand of strawberry blonde hair around her finger. Rose's jaw dropped, although she wasn't completely surprised Dom had done such a thing.

"Really? You had to embarrass me in front of everyone so we could get out of class for five minutes?" Rose raised her eyebrows in disbelief.

"Um, no. I embarrassed you so we could _skip_ class." Dominique linked her arm through Rose's and started tugging her down the hallway.

"But Pearl expects us back…"

Dominique laughed but otherwise ignored her comment, starting to chatter about how lucky they were to be in a group with Sexy Scorpius and which one of them would hook up with him, and would Rose be so selfless as to let her be the one? Rose blushed through her ranting, thinking about those blue eyes and that intense stare, reviewing her embarrassment—the stain in potions, the failed introduction, the prospect of more time together, and being yelled at in front of everyone by her own family. It wasn't the first time, but it was the first time in front of a whole classroom and on the first day of school.

They wandered around the castle for approximately fifteen minutes before Rose cracked down on her cousin, insisting they head back. Once they headed back, however, the classroom was empty, but one boy lingered. Dominique immediately let go of Rose, flitting over to Scorpius with an easy smile. Rose trailed behind a bit, not wanting to be a third wheel. However, Scorpius seemed to notice her, his eyes darting over to her every once in a while as Dominique confirmed their project meetings and penciled them into her extravagant planner.

Dominique boldly invited him to eat dinner at the Gryffindor table with her, and he nodded vaguely, seeming as if he was not particularly taken with her.

Sure enough, at dinner, Rose sat with Dominique (trying not to admit to herself that it was in hopes of a certain boy sitting with them), Albus, and Lily, no Scorpius in sight. He entered halfway through dinner, and Dom perked up, about to raise her arm to catch his attention, but he never met her eyes and headed straight toward the Slytherin table to sit with his own crowd.

Dominique scowled before shrugging and muttering "maybe he's gay."

"No, he isn't," Albus said immediately. Everyone looked to him in surprise.

"What?" Dominique said, echoing the question Rose also felt asking.

"I just mean… he's in my house and I've known him forever. He's not gay." Albus shrugged, avoiding eye contact. Lily was smirking to herself, which Dominique noticed and took as a personal attack.

"What's so funny, Lily?" Dominique snapped. Although Dom and Rose had always gotten on alright, for some reason, Lily had never sat well with their Veela cousin.

"Just that you can't handle a straight boy not fawning over you. It's like Philip all over again," Lily said, her tone flat, like always. While Dom's voice seemed to rise up and down in a sing-song matter, Lily was always matter-of-fact, her voice level, unamused even while she grinned. Rose felt a little unsettled too—although she loved Lily, her presence was a little odd. Lily almost never sat with them, was usually alone, only accommodated with them when Albus was at the Gryffindor table to sit with his siblings. Hearing Lily say something with all of them there was a change of pace.

Something else: although her tone was level, there was an edge in the way she said Philip's name. Dominique had tried to get with Philip several times in the past and had failed each and every time, wailing her woes to them at each occasion. Rose thought it was because he had always been with Ava when she made her move, but Rose knew he was unattainable even separated from the flawless head girl. Not that she was as seductive as Dominique or anything, but she had a feeling he only had eyes for Ava, even when Dom insisted that he wasn't faithful—she had heard whispers of other girls, although hardly anyone believed it. She said she had a reliable source, however, but wouldn't reveal who.

Rose briefly wondered if Lily had also made a move and was bitter about it—but the thought was so ridiculous she couldn't believe it one bit. Little Lily hadn't even been kissed yet, as far as she knew.

"Excuse you, _Lily_, but Philip is nothing like Scorpius. Scorpius isn't in a relationship," Dom explained. "Philip would totally get with me now that he's done with Ava; he's just graduated now so I can't make a move."

Lily didn't reply, just flipped her hood up over her dark red hair to hide her expression and continued to pick at her chips.

"I wonder why Scorpius has never had a girlfriend," Rose said, meaning to think it to herself but voicing it instead. Albus rolled his eyes, turning to Lily and talking quietly with her instead of engaging in more conversation about one of his oldest friends.

"Oh!" Dominique exclaimed, raising her hand like she was in class. "It's because he's waiting for the right girl. I mean, look at him. He's a settle-down kind of guy."

"But you only want to have sex with him," Rose muttered.

"Sex? Who said anything about sex? I'm a virgin," Dominique said condescendingly. She had been keeping up her virgin ruse since the beginning of the summer, but everyone knew what happened (could _hear) _her seven minutes in heaven during James' graduation party with Michael Zabini in a cupboard. Her silencing charm had been heard ('silencio' had resonated from the inside of the enclosed space) but hadn't worked, and no one seemed to have the heart to tell her they could hear every noise they both made. Some guessed Michael had purposely made sure it didn't work for bragging rights.

"Okay, you just want to hook up with him," Rose acquiesced nicely. Dominique didn't reply, seemingly lost in thought as she gazed across the dining hall at Scorpius, eating alone at the end of the table where he usually sat with Albus.

"I wonder why he isn't sitting with us. I mean, Albus is here." Dominique sighed, pushing her plate away and saying, "I'm not hungry anymore."

As they grew silent, Rose tuned in to the Potter siblings' conversation.

"I just want a new tutor. We really don't need him to help anymore," Lily was saying, her voice low. Once she had hit puberty a couple of years ago, her voice had dropped and roughened in a way that would probably be sexy one day. For now, her voice was mismatched with her small frame.

Albus replied, "I don't see what the big deal is. Philip helped you so much with potions. We don't need you failing this time. And now Mum and Dad can pay him, so he has no incentive to say no. He already told us he's free on the weekends so you two can meet up at Hogsmeade."

"Oh, please. Like I want to spend my weekends at Hogsmeade _studying_."

Dominique's attention piqued and she cut in, "Oh my gosh, Philip is going to tutor you? And you're seriously saying no right now? I can't deal with you."

A sigh emanated from under the shadow of the hoodie, but Lily refrained from speaking, tension resonating in the air around her.

"Okay, don't give her any ideas. Lily's only 14. My god, what's wrong with you, Dom?" Albus imparted, shaking his head.

"Of course I didn't mean for _her_ to do anything, I just mean I'm _so_ jealous and it's not fair. _I'm_ not good at potions, either." Dominique crossed her arms over her chest and pouted.

Lily finally spoke, sharply, "Yeah, well then why don't you hire him as your tutor?"

"Maybe I will!" Dominique exclaimed defiantly.

"Why do you have to be like this, Dom? I'm trying to do some good for my little sister, here," Albus spat.

"Guys, come on," Rose interceded.

"You're all annoying. Bye," Lily intoned, abruptly standing up and leaving the table. Dominique's jaw dropped as she walked off.

"Bitch," Dom muttered. Albus gave her a sharp look, quickly getting up and racing after his sister. Clearly stung, Dominique turned to Rose and said insolently, "Well, thank Merlin _they're_ gone. Where's Roxy?" She whipped her head side to side. "She's _so_ fun. Those Potters are such bummers. Except James. Ugh, I miss _James_."

Dominique continued to talk out her arse for the next half hour as they ate, but Rose hardly paid her any mind, glancing up to see that Scorpius was now getting up, looking at her as he walked out. She felt her chest constrict. His eyes seemed to beckon her, and she couldn't resist.

"I have to go," Rose said, stopping Dom mid-sentence and leaving before she could say anything.

"What the hell? Why is my family crazy?" Dom said to no one, stabbing a fork into her limp salad and wondering once again how she ended up with such strange relatives when she was so perfectly normal.

"Hey," Rose called, skidding around a corner and stopping Scorpius by putting a hand on his shoulder. He turned around, his light eyebrows lifting slightly in surprise. Unfortunately, Rose hadn't thought past this point.

"Hey. Rose, right?" he said. Rose paused in alarm, but then relaxed when he smiled. "I'm just fucking with you."

She laughed uneasily, "Right. Well… where are you headed to?" She wrung her hands together in front of her, feeling uncomfortable and nervous. She didn't know what was wrong with her. She had been fine around Philip before, completely sure of herself and what she was doing. Now she was hyper aware of everything—how long and big and awkward her arms were, and how heavy and hot her sweater was around her torso.

"I'm just headed to the library to get some homework done. Can you believe it? I already have a workload, and it's only the first day." Scorpius' smile was less villainous than usual, soft in a way, almost intimate. Her heart skipped around. After a pause, seeming to look her over and consider something for a moment, he asked, "Do you want to come with?"

Rose, taken aback, knowing she wanted to say yes but not sure how, opened her mouth and let out a small breath, speechless. Scorpius gave her on odd look, tilting his head in an inquisitive manner. Finally, snapping to, she blurted out, "Yes! Yes, let's go."

Rose fell into step beside him. They walked in silence until they settled at a table and took out their work. They both had arithmancy that day and started working through it together. It soon became clear Rose was a natural at the subject and Scorpius was rather lost.

As she guided him through a question, she found herself leaned toward him, their cheeks inches from each other, their arms completely pressed together. Rose was hardly paying attention, heat radiating through her body and seizing her throat until her explanation trailed off into nothing. Several times she tried to keep talking, but eventually she gave up. In that moment, she would've given anything to know what he was thinking, to know what this young, beautiful wizard was thinking. If he was feeling what she was feeling, if he couldn't think like she couldn't think…

Rose turned her head to him, not anticipating how close his face would be. He turned to her just a moment after, and their noses brushed each other. Instead of pulling away, she stayed still, and so did he. She waited for the rejection. The disgust. The embarrassment. She waited for him to react like her first crush had when she was six and had cooties, or like Philip had just last year. But he stayed like a cornerstone, as still as she was. Their breaths mingled in a charged moment. This boy she didn't know—oh, no, this beautiful enemy she didn't know—

He kissed her. Scorpius kissed her, softly, in that dark, secluded corner of the library where nobody saw. If it wasn't for her hyperactive memory, she might've convinced herself afterwards that it didn't happen. But no, his lips against her was as real as magic.

His tongue nudged against her lips, and she accidentally opened her mouth too wide too soon, but it didn't matter, because his arms pulled her to the edge of her seat around her waist and deepened the kiss just like she hadn't meant to. But now, she embraced the accident, kissing him back fervently.

They pulled away for a moment, their breaths in sync, and his forehead against hers. "I've wanted this for so long, Rose," he whispered. "I fancy you."

Rose's eyes slid closed in content. For some reason, she wasn't surprised by his admission. There was a chemical attraction between them she couldn't deny, and she couldn't figure out why she was just noticing it now. To think he had felt this way for so long… to think he had _wanted_ this for so long, and she had been floating through classes, never noticing until today and an inkwell spilling on her skirt finally made her look up and _see_.

They kissed, slowly now, until Scorpius pulled away and asked her a question that was the start of everything.

"Do you want to go out sometime?"

Somewhere across the castle, Lily was by herself, wandering through a corridor and feeling especially alone. She had no idea about Scorpius, or Scorpius and Rose for that matter. She didn't know that this moment would be the start of everything. Because if it weren't for that fateful kiss in the corner of the library, the beginning of her cousin's great love, she never would've paid any notice to Scorpius, not in particular. Lily never would've fallen in love with him.

Lily was taking a late night stroll for a midnight snack at the kitchens when she saw something odd. Something juicy. Something Dominique probably didn't know about.

Slipping behind a tapestry into a hidden corridor, she turned and jumped back, barely able to contain a gasp of surprise. However, she remained silent at what she saw: Rose and Scorpius, snogging. It had to be one of the weirdest and most disgusting things she'd ever seen. First of all, Rose had obviously never kissed anyone before, because it was the sloppiest kiss she'd been witness to. Scorpius seemed to be trying to contain it, but it was still rather grotesque. It was like they were combating with their mouths. Suddenly the term 'tonsil hockey' made more sense to Lily. To her own personal horror, she wondered if this is what it looked like when _she_ made out with someone.

Second of all, Dominique had been raving about Scorpius for the past several weeks, ever since the first day of school. She talked about heated glances they shared ("eye sex," Dom insisted), how their hands brushed, how he made every excuse to be with her (even though it seemed rather like he just needed her to show up to their group project meetings, but still, she took it as a very personal invitation), and how it was any day now that he'd ask her out, or throw her against a wall and have his way with her. It was torture nowadays to sit with Dominique, and Lily tried to do so as little as possible, but she found herself missing her family more and more now that half of them had graduated. So Lily always sat with Albus, who also missed family therefore would always sit with Rose, and Rose would always sit with Dom. Do the math.

Lily wondered how Rose could sit through that every day and not say anything. Rose never even seemed bothered. Sometimes she would even chime in with agreement, like "he was totally checking you out just now." This seemed like an odd thing for someone to say who was having what seemed to be a sordid affair with the boy in question.

Lily didn't know who she was more surprised by—Rose or Scorpius. How did Rose get such a good-looking guy? And how did Scorpius, with his Malfoy bloodline, fancy Rose? Watching them kissing, Lily was almost impressed with Rose. Snagging a gorgeous guy her dad had practically insisted she avoid at all costs, _and_ stealing a boy from her cousin and friend. Lily had no idea she had it in her. She wondered if she had been underestimating Rose this whole time.

Lily meant to slip back out quietly, but at that moment, Scorpius had pulled away for air (he might've been drowning, from the looks of it, Lily thought) and caught sight of her.

"Oh," he cleared his throat, "hi." He made a point to look very purposely from Rose to Lily, indicating she look over, too. Rose jumped away, gasping and stuttering over Lily's name. Lily was too amused to be shocked anymore.

"Hey, Rosie," Lily said, crossing her arms over her chest and tilting her head to the side, her smile absolutely devious and too old for her age, Rose thought.

"L-L-Lil—," Rose sputtered, holding out a hand as if for a timeout. Lily didn't understand why she was so desperate, as if Lily was about to run off and tell on her to Dom. She didn't even like Dom. But she'd take as much entertainment out of this moment as she could. Rose took a deep breath, her arm still stretched out, palm facing Lily, "Lily, this isn't what it looks like."

Lily didn't know Scorpius, but they shared a confused look in a rare moment of camaraderie. "Um… so you two _weren't_ sucking face?" Lily questioned, eyebrows furrowed, her smile as bright as ever.

"Yeah, we were," Scorpius said unapologetically. Lily wished he would reevaluate his snogging skills before being so proud about it.

"Well, yes, we were, but we aren't—I mean, we aren't exclusive or anything—," Rose rushed out, but seemed to just be digging herself in a deeper pit, as Scorpius whipped toward her.

"Wait, are you dating other people?" Scorpius snapped.

"Damn," Lily muttered, which the quarreling couple ignored.

"No! No, I just mean, no one knows yet," Rose explained, voice whiney. Lily cringed.

"Can I just interject?" Lily said without waiting for a response. "If it's Dominique you're worried about, who gives a fuck. She's a bitch and Scorpius isn't daft enough to fall for the whole Virginal Veela Victoire act. And I'm sure she'll get over it. Also, it's kind of hurtful that you think I'd tell anyone. Well, except Albus. I _can't wait _to tell Albus."

Rose's shoulders slumped in relief, but Scorpius seemed to perk up in anxiety.

"Albus? Wait, no, don't tell Albus!" Scorpius cried. Now it was Rose's turn to be angry, and she swiftly turned on him.

"Why not? Are you ashamed of me or something?" she sniveled. Her voice was actually hurting Lily's sensitive ears.

"No, it's just that Albus is one of my oldest friends. I'm afraid he'll kick my ass for snogging his cousin."

Rose and Lily laughed simultaneously.

"Like he cares," Rose said.

"Like he'd give two fucks," Lily agreed. "He probably cares as much as I do. Which is not a bit. I don't care at all. So… as you were." She turned to leave, but Scorpius interjected, insisting he leave first.

"I need to head to bed anyways," he explained. Rose was already rushing out, embarrassment starting to seep in as she wondered how long Lily had been standing there. "Wait!" Scorpius called after her, rushing to keep up with his unofficial girlfriend. He accidentally bumped against Lily, and in doing so, knocked something out of his robes pocket. He apologized to Lily but didn't seem to notice having lost anything and continued to push through the tapestry.

Lily looked down where the object had landed next to her feet. She bent down and examined it, finding it to be a leather-bound journal. Lily felt a mischievous thrill run through her as she opened the first page and saw the first line: _Albus finally told me his secret today. _

Scorpius had ransacked the Slytherin sixth year dormitory, looking for his journal. He was drunk with anxiety and desperation—anxious that someone found it, desperate to get it back. He tried to retrace his steps, over and over, and still he didn't know where it could be. It always led back to the memory of him shedding his clothes after a long day of school and a late night with Rose, robes dropped on the floor with the rest of his discarded clothing, journal safely hidden in the robes' pocket.

Scorpius found himself collapsing behind his bed, wedged between it and the wall, where he had pushed back the whole thing to look under, even though he knew it absolutely couldn't be there. He pulled his knees up to his chest, burying his face in his hands, eyes tearing up in anger and frustration. He had written a lot in there. A lot of embarrassing things and a lot of secrets. He had written all about every crush he'd ever had in there, every test he'd ever failed, every time his dad had yelled at him and the times his mum had miscarried. He had written about their family's money troubles, every sadness he'd ever felt, oh no, oh Merlin… Albus' secret was the first thing written in there, when he had told Scorpius in first year.

But Scorpius had class in ten minutes, and he didn't have the option of moping around his dorm all day. Besides, maybe some Good Samaritan had found it and would return it to him in class, unopened. He wasn't very hopeful about this prospect.

He imagined the worst possible situation. The worst person whose hands it could've fallen into. Dominique Weasley. Argus Filch. Michael Zabini. _Peeves_.

Scorpius made eye contact with every person he passed in the hall, every person he sat with at meals or in class, even professors, even the first years, even the house elves flitting about, even the ghosts. Looking for a smirk, a knowing look, any indication that they knew all his secrets—but no, everyone seemed normal, eyes passing over him or not looking at all.

During political science, Dominique sat to his right, Rose to the right of her. Whenever Dominique got there early, she always claimed the seat in the middle so that he had to sit next to her. She kept leaning toward him throughout the lesson to whisper things in his ear, and he felt like it may actually drive him mad. It might also drive him mad that it didn't seem to be driving Rose mad.

"Do you want to sit with me at dinner?" Dominique whispered, and he almost jumped out of his skin when her hand landed on his leg under the table. "Tonight's crab night, and I know you love crab."

Scorpius' head whipped toward her, his eyes blazing. "How do you know that?!" he exclaimed, a little too loud for the classroom setting they were currently in. Dominique seemed taken aback, and several students around them stopped their reading to turn and look at him.

"Um," Dominique hummed, offering a sheepish smile to everyone who was looking. They all turned away and she continued, "You mentioned it last week, I think." Her pretty bluebell eyes were confused, her smile sweet and innocent. He shook his head, trying to remind himself that Dominique was no evil mastermind, as naughty as she tried to seem.

Scorpius looked over to see Rose absorbed in the class reading, and he wondered how she could just ignore her cousin like that. I mean, she was all over him. If his cousin was bugging Rose like that, he would say something, or at least have the decency to act jealous, if even just a little bit.

Wait. _Her cousin._

Lily was ambushed on her way to the library.

It was her first day with a new potions tutor, and she was excited. Well, excited that the tutor wasn't Philip, but the new head girl, Carmen Morales. Carmen was petite, nice, smart, and had a dry sense of humor, just like Lily. She didn't even feel the usual dread that came with having to work on potions. Their session was supposed to start at 5 and it was 5:03, so she was in a bit of a rush. That's why, when Scorpius Malfoy jumped in front of her seemingly out of nowhere, her excitement dissipated along with her punctuality.

"Hey, Lily," Scorpius said casually, but his blue eyes were narrowed in consideration.

"Hi," Lily said uneasily. "I don't think we've officially met! I'm Lily—."

"Cut the bullshit. You have it. I can see it in your eyes," Scorpius shouted, making Lily place a startled hand over her heart and retreat a step.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Stop yelling at me," Lily said, her voice level but still defensive.

"You took my journal," Scorpius said.

"Diary. I took your diary," Lily clarified, smiling coolly. Scorpius felt like slapping her, but knew slapping a 14-year-old girl wouldn't go over very well with anyone—especially her older brothers. He almost began to start yelling again when she reached into her bag and pulled it out, handing it back to him. He snatched it back a little too violently

"Don't worry, I didn't read much," she said, shrugging.

"So, you know? About…?"

"About Albus? Oh please, I've known that for a while. Don't act like you're so special. Also, I had no idea Rose was such a boring lay. Huh." Lily shrugged, beginning to head past him. He reached out and stopped her, a hand to her chest. Her chest may have been flat, but it still made her uncomfortable—his hand was settled right where her cleavage would've been, and once he realized, he quickly pulled away, ears turning red.

"Wow, she must be even more boring than I thought if you're coming on to her fourth year cousin," Lily said, holding in a laugh as his face turned red in anger and probably embarrassment.

"Stop that," he snapped. "You read the whole thing! And don't tell Rose I said that… she's… I meant, it was her first time, so I understand." He was so red Lily wondered if he would match her hair soon.

"Didn't sound like what you wrote. You were pretty mean. I didn't know you had it in you," Lily said. "But calm down, I only read the highlights of it. If it got too real, I stopped reading. But the parts about Dominique were hilarious."

Scorpius considered her for a second before realizing something he should've known the whole time: Lily was harmless. Absolutely, completely safe. She was just a 14-year-old girl, not malicious and definitely not a gossip. She was no Dominique and wouldn't cause any damage like Peeves would. Considering what could've happened, he had gotten lucky.

"Thanks," Scorpius said, sighing in relief.

"No problem. You have the beginnings of a great comedian."

"No, I don't mean that. I mean, thanks for keeping it safe for me," he said, smiling at her. She paused, taken aback by the warmth in his expression and how his usually cold eyes seemed to brighten with reprieve. He patted her shoulder, and she wanted to slap his hand away, but refrained. His touch felt… it was unsettling.

Lily tried to swallow the lump in her throat then replied, "Of course."

"Well, I guess you know all of my secrets now. This isn't how I wanted it to happen," Scorpius said, his smile softening until it almost disappeared in his faux solemnity.

"If it would make you feel better, 'obliviate' always works," Lily suggested, and they shared a brief laugh before he reminded her that was illegal. "What are you, a cop?"

"Someday," Scorpius said, "but I believe you already know that." He tapped his journal, and Lily sighed.

"The enigmatic Scorpius has wasted before me," Lily said, faking disappointment. What he didn't know that he had become all the more interesting to her.

Scorpius rolled his shoulders back and puffed out his chest, "Then I must be off to find out more secrets and do more mysterious things. I can't lose _all_ my charm, can I?"

"Oh, shit!" Lily said, checking her watch. It was 5:20. "I have to go! Bye!"

She raced past him and off to the library. But even as she met up with Carmen and profusely apologized, and even as she opened her primary text and tried to delve into potion-making, she was still thinking about overlooked Scorpius and his undeniable charm.

Rose had been so careful. As Dominique's lust turned into obsession towards Scorpius, she hardly even flinched. When Scorpius sat with them and traced patterns on her thigh with his index finger under the table, she never even shuddered. When Lily smirked at her or made a suggestive comment having to do with her torrid love affair, she hardly even scoffed.

All it took were six little words and it all fell to pieces.

Roxanne had seen Rose and Scorpius holding hands in the library several times, even saw him kiss her on the cheek once. Having not spent any time with Dominique that year, she had no remnant of a clue that Dom had been fancying him for a while now, nor that the relationship was a secret. Being a Hufflepuff and spending most of her time with her other Hufflepuff friends, she hardly spent any time with her family anymore—and since Fred had graduated, much like Lily, whose older brother had graduated as well, she felt a tad detached from the family's comings and goings. Hoping to seem in on all the buzz (not realizing she would be causing the buzz herself), she sat with the motley crew of Weasleys at the Gryffindor table eating breakfast, and off-the-cuff, asked Rose "So how are you and Scorpius?"

Lily choked on her bite of porridge, coughed, and then collapsed into silent laughter, smothered with both hands, blue eyes shining with amusement. Rose's spoon fell from her grasp and clattered to the table. Dominique perked up in a very unhappy way, frowning and exposing every line in her delicate, ivory face. Albus gasped, and then clapped a hand over his mouth.

"What?" Roxanne said, furrowing her bushy eyebrows and looking around in confusion. "Have I said something wrong? Aren't you two dating?"

"No, they most certainly are _not," _Dom spat, but suspicion was clear in her cold eyes. "Are you?"

All eyes turned to Rose.

Oh Merlin, she had been so careful.

How did Roxy know?

Rose thought back to the past week. Scorpius had always wanted to go public with their relationship, since the moment they had first kissed. But Rose had stepped away. Sensing her becoming distant, he had done what you always shouldn't do—he clung even tighter to her, hoping she would come to her senses and want to be with him, too. This week, however, he had been intensely insistent that they become exclusive and official. He was sure they were exclusive, but he wanted everyone to know it. Rose had been unsure about this prospect.

Rose really liked Scorpius, and the thought of him with Dominique bugged her more than it should for someone who didn't want to be in a relationship with him. She knew she wanted to be with him the way he wanted to be with her. But even more strongly than that feeling was Rose's need to please—and she had been desperately avoiding this exact, very unpleasant, moment.

Rose's silence was more than enough response for Dominique.

Dom was up and gone before she could get a word out edgewise, and Roxy was left grasping for words.

"I don't know what I've done wrong, but I think I fucked up," Roxy stated, quite uselessly.

Through Lily's giggles, she replied, "Yes, Rox, you fucked up."

The next day, Rose didn't stop Scorpius from holding her hand as they walked down the hallway together. She didn't stop him when he leaned down to kiss her. She didn't stop him when he hugged her goodbye. She wanted to stop the gawking—surely the thoughts that were behind the gawking, such as "how did a girl like that get a guy like him?"

Lily was a witness to the public displays, and unfortunately was present for the gawking. She heard a girl say to her friend "is that _Rose Weasley?"_

Lily chuckled under her breath. Who else could it be, with that scraggly red hair? A bitter, petty part of Lily thought several mean thoughts in fast succession, all about Rose and all about her appearance. She stood up a bit straighter, appalled at herself, and tried to humble herself with her own self-loathing thoughts—such as "you're too skinny and short, you hardly have breasts, you have no fashion sense, and your shoulders slump. Now stop dragging down Rose."

Lily couldn't help the bitterness. Seeing cute couples together made her jealous, which confused her, because she'd never felt the need to be in a relationship. Relationships seemed rather boring, and she'd rejected any possibility of one and exclusively liked boys that were emotionally (or otherwise) unavailable. The way Scorpius and Rose's lips fit together was practiced, and Lily couldn't help but notice how natural it seemed and how soft Scorpius' lips looked, melding against her cousin's. Good kisser, she thought.

Someone ran into the back of Lily just as an odd feeling was spreading through her chest, interrupting her thoughts and reminding her to get on to class. She couldn't miss class anymore. If she did, Slughorn said he would make her get a tutor again.

Lily hurried past Rose as she entered her classroom, offering her an awkward smile. She smiled back, a bit awkwardly too. She turned back to face the hallway as someone bumped into her shoulder. It was Scorpius.

"Hey, watch it!" he snapped, smiling down at her.

"Shut up," she mumbled, smiling the rest of the way back to her class.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"I got it!" Lily announced proudly, entering the astronomy tower with a sense of pride that made her rare smile glow. Scorpius shot up from where he was leaning against a pillar, striding towards her with a mirrored smile of his own.

"Let's see it," Scorpius demanded, dimples on display. His hands came out of his pockets and grabbed the small baggy from Lily, then sniffed the contents. He made a face.

"I know. But it's all I could get last minute," Lily responded. "I thought you would be out with Rose tonight."

She stopped herself from scoffing, or perhaps throwing up. Everyone thought 'Scorose' was such a perfect couple, now going on 11 months together, and constantly at each other's side—except for nights like these, when Scorpius needed a break and smoked weed at the Astronomy Tower with Lily. She acknowledged the irony of the situation—unavailable golden boy, now head boy, drugs, and a secret hiding spot—the _same_ secret hiding spot, actually. But this time it was different.

Because this time they were just friends.

"How was I supposed to know Rose was going to bail for studying?"

"Um, because she studies all the time?" Lily replied, rolling her eyes. Annoyance toward Rose absolutely seeped from her pores. Scorpius ignored it.

"Well, it is our NEWT year, so…" Scorpius shrugged.

"It's also only the third week of school," Lily pointed out.

They made their way over to the ledge, right where she and Philip used to sit. Sitting there with Scorpius should have reminded her of that dark time, but surprisingly, for some reason, it didn't. Seeing Scorpius' shining blue eyes under the moonlight, his dimpled smile, his plaid shirts he would offer her in the chill of night—it was different. It was better.

"Well, she wants to get ahead. She has this weird complex. She wants to be good enough," Scorpius muttered, licking the edge of the cigarillo.

Lily knew things about Rose. Mostly the basics. She knew that Rose was an overachiever. She knew Rose could be sassy at times, but rarely (therefore, Lily liked her rarely). She knew Rose had probably never heard of conditioner. But most things, most private, intimate things, she had just now started learning about Rose. Ever since Lily and Scorpius started their nightly rendezvouses at the beginning of the school year, she learned more and more about her cousin. Some surprising, some weird, some funny. She now knew that Rose rarely had sex—she didn't find it enjoyable, leaving Scorpius in a tough position. Lily never knew someone as attractive as Scorpius could actually be begging for sex.

Lily also now knew that Rose loved to go on dates, which also put Scorpius in a tough position, since he was by no means made of money. Rose loved to study, which Lily already knew, but now she also knew that Rose went to such lengths as to record the professor speaking while she took notes at the same time and highlighted from the textbooks. Rose also only started brushing her hair when, at the beginning of her second year, she discovered a dreadlock among her massive curls, a story Scorpius found both adorable and quirky—disgustingly so, in Lily's opinion.

"She seems 'good enough' to me," Lily amended. Scorpius had a faint smile as he nodded. Lily frowned. Scorpius handed her the finished joint. She chuckled at his happy smile and said, "Beautiful!"

Scorpius scooted closer to her to light the end for her with his wand. Philip had never done that for her. She could remember his face as he would say "do it yourself, Lily. Don't be a baby." Philip had never even let her have the first hit. But Scorpius did those sorts of things—he was just a gentleman like that. She could see why Rose loved him, why so many people were taken with him.

"Just like me," he joked.

"Honestly," she agreed. His eyes bugged for a second, but he didn't comment. Luckily Lily was able to take a hit during what would have been an awkward silence. As she exhaled, she passed the joint back to him between pinched fingers.

Lily settled back against the pillar behind her, tried not to think about Rose. Rose seemed to be everywhere lately, as she got closer to Scorpius and he began to sit with them every day at every meal. It was becoming more and more apparent to everyone with eyes or an attention span that a friendship had blossomed between Lily and Scorpius. She didn't care for coming up for excuses for their inside jokes; she didn't really care if Rose knew about their late-night hangouts. It wasn't like they were doing anything bad—you know, besides illegal drugs. Rose didn't seem bothered, anyways. Lily had kind of wished she would be.

Scorpius broke the silence by saying, "Rose is so weird."

Lily hated talking about Rose with Scorpius. He talked about her all the time, and it was getting old. She forgave him for it because Rose did happen to be his long-time girlfriend, and for moments like this where the lead into the conversation was a negative perspective on Rose instead of something usual like "didn't she look pretty today?" or "Rose said something funny earlier" or "Rose is so smart."

"Yeah, she is really weird," Lily agreed. "Why this time?"

Scorpius laughed and bumped her shoulder. "She told me I was her first, but I'm almost positive I wasn't."

Lily scrunched her nose at the thought of the two of them having sex, but replied anyway, "And why are you positive of that? She's like a plant."

Scorpius cracked up laughing, a high buzzing through him. "A… a p-plant?" he sputtered through laughter.

"She's, like, asexual," Lily replied, giggling.

"Because," Scorpius caught his breath, "she told me she'd come on to guys before but they never took the bait."

_ Gee, I wonder why,_ Lily thought rather pettily. "She's never even had crushes before, though. Which guys could she have possibly gone for?"

"Um, okay, I think she said only two… Philip, remember him? Head boy a couple years ago, and then Henrik, head boy from last year. And now I'm Head Boy. I guess she's attracted to power. Ha." Scorpius wasn't smiling anymore, and neither was Lily.

"Oh, my god," Lily muttered, almost dropping the joint. Her face drained of blood, and her companion noticed. "Philip?"

"Yeah," Scorpius replied. "I was surprised, too."

"When?"

"Right after him and Ava broke up."

Lily's chest tightened. She couldn't breathe. She felt like she was going to vomit. Rose and Philip? It was worse than any thought she could possibly conceive, even worse than Rose and Scorpius having sex.

"They hooked up?" Lily snapped, anger filling her. She hadn't seen Philip in over a year, but she wanted to track him down and give him a piece of her mind. Her cousin? Really, her own _family? _Who else? Roxy? Dominique? Molly, maybe even fellow fifth-year Lucy?

"No. Apparently she just flirted with him, but he was obviously still hung up on Ava," Scorpius said.

"Oh," Lily breathed, the anger leaving her as fast as it had come. Being high made it difficult to stay mad—or even _be _mad.

"Why? Did you have a crush on him or something?" Scorpius laughed at seemingly the mere thought of it. Lily didn't find it funny at all, and didn't respond. Scorpius put his arm around her briefly before withdrawing awkwardly and saying, "Aw, it's just a joke, Lily."

Her name coming from those lips made her feel uncomfortable. The way he said those two syllables seemed too intimate for anyone's ears besides her own. She turned her head away, hoping to hide any emotions her face might betray in her intoxicated state.

"Fine," Lily whispered, partly because she was embarrassed, partly because of the smoke filling her lungs and burning her throat. "I didn't have a crush on him, though." Technically, she hadn't. She had felt much stronger feelings than that. She had been in love with him.

"Yeah, I mean, that was like, two years ago. You were in… third year. That's too young to have a crush anyway."

Defensively: "Excuse me? Haven't you liked Rose since third year? Yeah, so shut up."

Scorpius smiled, "So you _did_ have a crush on him."

"If I say I had a crush on him, will you shut up?" Lily snapped. Scorpius just laughed. He seemed to always laugh at what Lily said, jokes or not. Maybe it was because he was stoned, maybe it was because he was just a naturally happy person. Either way, Lily liked his laugh. It was never condescending or mean.

"No, you can never make me shut up. You should know that by now. Only one thing can make me shut up," Scorpius said with a devilish smile.

Lily rolled her eyes. "You talk about sex too much."

"Hey, you're the one who said it. What if I was talking about something else?"

"It's still true. You talk about sex a lot. You haven't even been sexually active for that long. You lost your virginity, what, like, yesterday?" Lily scoffed. In all reality, he had lost it in October the previous year, but she was getting annoyed of his bravado. And in even more reality, hearing about Rose's sex life annoyed her the most.

"Shut up. You're just jealous because you've never had sex," he said with a triumphant smile.

Lily ducked her head in her hood and mumbled, "Ooh, you got me."

"Sorry, I really shouldn't be talking about sex with someone so young. Little Lily," he chuckled. He had a carefree smile on his face and no idea of Lily's growing anger. Still, she stopped herself from saying anything brash. It didn't matter. And the last thing she wanted to say was that she had already had sex—more than he had, according to Rose's dwindling libido. No one would know; only Philip, Ava, and she would ever know, unless one of them decided to tell someone else. She had a feeling they wouldn't, and she _definitely_ wouldn't.

"Then stop talking about it," Lily sighed. It wasn't like she gained anything from hearing him talk about how horny he was or how good it felt. She already knew those things, and she was in the same boat. The only difference was that he had Rose and she had no one. And she certainly didn't like being called 'Little Lily.'

Scorpius was quiet for a while, and when Lily finally looked over at him in curiosity, she saw why. He was offended.

"Oh, Scorpius," Lily exhaled, "I'm sorry. You know you can tell me anything." But her voice was flat. Then again, her voice was semi-regularly flat.

"Yeah, I know. I'm just… I haven't said it but… I feel like Rose and I are going through a rough patch. We're not in the honeymoon phase anymore and she never wants to go out unless it's some big fancy date, she doesn't get excited to see me anymore, we don't—I mean… never mind." His admission ended with a blush in his cheeks and an aggressive toss of the finished joint over the ledge. Lily watched it fall until it became a little brown dot and vanished.

"I didn't know that," Lily said, suddenly feeling particularly shitty. Rose's downfall would make her feel apathy, but Scorpius' on the other hand… "I thought she was just… busy."

"Well, she is, she's busy. But also she just doesn't make time for us. I guess it's just something I'll have to get used to," he lamented.

"No," Lily argued. She shook her head in frustration, knowing what it felt like to get pushed around, to be ignored and not cared for. "You should tell her. You care about her, and if she doesn't give 100% like you do, then she isn't worth it. I know she's my family, and I love her, but she's not perfect. Most likely, she doesn't even know how you're feeling because her head's stuck in a book."_ And a stick's shoved up her arse._

Scorpius shifted to face her, a smile growing across his face. Lily smiled back, a little unsurely—those dimples were contagious. He spoke, "I didn't realize Little Lily was so wise!"

"Call me Little Lily one more time," she growled jokingly, grabbing his shoulder and pretending to push. They burst into laughter as he pretended to struggle and lose balance, and for a second Lily thought he actually might fall, but he leaned back just in time with an ease and grace she couldn't help but wonder at.

"Fine," he sighed. "You win. You're younger than me, but you're smarter than me, so no more 'Little Lily.' Even though you're so cute and little." He gave her a mischievous little smile and she felt her stomach turn.

"You know what else is little?" Lily said innocently.

"What?"

"Your d—," she started, just as he caught on and cut her off with a loud "NO! RUDE!"

More laughter ensued until their eyelids became heavy with fatigue. They began their walk back to Gryffindor just as the moon dipped behind some thick clouds. Their paths split in front of the Fat Lady, when he headed to Slytherin. That was another thing about Scorpius—he always walked her back home, just to be sure she made it safely.

They never hugged goodbye. That seemed a little too weird, and neither had tried. That night Lily thought about hugging him as he turned and gave her a little wave, but he began to walk away and he was rounding the corner before her heart slowed and she could finally move.

Roxy sat across from Lily at dinner the next night in a tight leather skirt, a white blouse, and her corkscrew curls natural and wild around her bronzed cheeks. She was smiling at Lily intensely, waiting for her to ask the question…

"Tonight?"

"Tonight," Roxy affirmed.

Lily smiled a close-mouthed smirk and pushed her plate away, grabbing her bag and her hoodie and running out of the Great Hall and up to Gryffindor Tower. She threw her stuff down at the foot of her bed (where she threw all of her things—a pile had begun to form) and stripped off her clothes.

Sorting through the clothes she had yet to unpack from her trunk and the dirty clothes in the pile, she found the outfit she had put together in her mind for when this night came—a black, tight, lacy little number that she had bought during the summer when she and Roxy had gone on a shopping trip into Muggle London and found a store that had adult clothes catered to their small sizes. Lily had never dressed that way before, but when she had tried it on in the dressing room, it had pushed up her boobs in a way she liked. It showed off the slimness of her waist and the roundness of her arse. She liked the way she looked in it—she was hardly ever out of a hoodie and jeans, and when she was, it was in school clothes.

That hot summer day, Lily and Roxy came back with their cute new clothes stuffed in their purses and shrugged and frowned to their parents, lamenting that they couldn't find anything that looked witchy enough.

Lily tugged it on, struggling to pull up the zipper until she remembered her magical abilities and used her wand instead. She teased her wavy hair out and smudged eyeliner around her light blue eyes, carefully applied some soft pink lipstick just a bit outside her lip line (which she knew made her lips look pouty and seductive). The last touch—nude high heels she had bought with her new dress. She was ready. And she looked too good.

Roxy texted her on her new flip phone—_outside HFP dorm_

Lily tried to walk quietly to Roxy, but her new heels were loud. She tried to charm them into being quieter, but she could only walk a couple of steps before the clacking crescendoed back to its original decibel. Eventually she took off her heels and walked barefoot, tip-toeing past hallways and dipping behind a tapestry when she saw a light headed toward her.

Finally she met with Roxy, but she wasn't alone.

"Hey," her cousin whispered, "look who I brought!"

There stood Rose hand-in-hand with Scorpius. Between the two of them, they stood out like a sore thumb. Rose wore what Lily could only describe as camp counselor chic. A tie-dye t-shirt and jean shorts that were a little too long to be cute, in Lily's opinion, and frayed at the ends. Scorpius looked better than Rose, however—not a difficult feat—but was still dressed too casual for the occasion.

"We're going to a club. You know that, right?" Lily said frankly to Rose.

Despite the darkness, Lily could see a blush rise across her cousin's cheeks. Rose stammered, "Well, at least I don't look like a prostitute."

"Rose, I don't think you even know what a prostitute looks like, so shut up," Lily snapped. "You invited her?" she directed to Roxy.

"Lily," Scorpius admonished. Lily felt herself shrink back, although she didn't know why she cared so much. She was stung.

"I-I thought it would be fun. You know, the more the merrier?" Roxy offered. "I invited Dom too, but she was busy… unfortunately." It was obvious that Roxy didn't find this very unfortunate.

"I was just kidding. Of course I'm glad Rose came. It will be fun," Lily said without much conviction, but it was enough to make the tension dissipate.

They headed out, and while they walked, Scorpius fell back a bit from Rose to talk to Lily.

"Are you mad that I came? I hope it's not weird," Scorpius said, his voice low, his eyes meeting hers in a way that was restrained and awkward.

Lily felt warm, uncomfortably warm. She wasn't wearing much, but she felt like she was wearing a parka. His gaze was worrying—like he could see right through her. She was concerned that if he could see right through her, what could he see? After a stress-filled pause: "Of course it's not weird. Why would it be weird?"

"Good," Scorpius said, not answering her question like she was kind of hoping he would. Because it did feel weird. It felt really weird. She was hoping maybe he had an inkling as to why. But she never got the chance to find out. He quickened his pace to catch back up to Rose, grabbing his girlfriend's hand so seamlessly that it was obviously natural for them. Lily let her gaze linger at their entwined hands just as she heard Roxy say to Rose, "Do I look like a prostitute, too?"

"No one looks like a prostitute," Scorpius said exasperatedly. Lily smiled softly in the darkness, a smile that met with his as he turned his head slightly to look at her.

They arrived at a club that was hidden underneath an apartment complex on the far side of Hogsmeade Village. It was an hour walk, made worth it by the thrill of their rebellion and the promise of what the night could lead to. Fred had told Roxy about the secret club called Vice that held special events once a month featuring local bands and DJs. Fred passed the information down to Roxy along with the date of these so-called special events, as they were extra exclusive and only announced privately, to only a certain few, so that the parties were especially elite.

Being wizarding royalty had its perks.

Lily had drawn close to her three companions, because although she hardly felt scared, walking through this seedy part of town at night was not a comforting experience. She drew especially close to Scorpius, who noticed her hesitation and linked his arm through hers. Maybe that action would have made Lily feel special, if it weren't for the fact that his other arm was occupied holding his girlfriend's hand.

However, Lily felt her fear melt away as they walked down some steps and stood before a door with a rusted, old apartment number nailed to the black-paint-chipped door: 7C. The seven was hanging so that it looked like a 'V', indicative of the club's name. They were definitely at the right place. Although there were heavy charms put on the door to prevent noise escaping the club, Lily could feel heavy bass vibrating under her heels.

By magic, the door opened as they arrived, permitting their entrance, no bodyguard necessary. What Lily saw inside made her eyes widen, while Scorpius sucked in a surprised breath of air beside her.

The club was filled to the brim with moving silhouettes, bright lights swirling and flickering, lighting up each person like colorful lightning in the dark. Suddenly Rose's tie-dye shirt no longer mattered—everyone looked as if they could be wearing tie-dye. It wasn't until Lily passed the threshold and stepped onto the concrete basement flooring that she heard the loud, pumping bass that made her whole body quiver.

Without any hesitation, Lily and Roxy grabbed hands and melted into the crowd. Lily briefly looked back to see Scorpius looking after her while Rose nervously looked around. Lily waved a beckoning hand to him, and he smiled and followed, letting his girlfriend's hand go. Rose watched him go in surprise, then quickly followed before he was lost in the mob.

Four very different reactions occurred that night. Roxy felt free and beautiful, and even more confident looking at her cousin beside her, who looked racy in a way she never had before. With a nod to Lily, they parted ways. Roxy loved to dance, but hardly got a chance to. A top 40s muggle song was being remixed over the blasting speakers, and soon she was adrift in a sea of pumping bodies, following their moves and gaining some attention from the guys surrounding her. None of them knew Roxy was fifteen, or that she was a Weasley, or that she was a Hufflepuff. She smiled a secret smile to one of them—he wasn't the cutest, but he was the best dancer—and pulled him closer by the front of his shirt.

Lily wasn't quite as comfortable with jumping right in. She pushed her way through the club in search of the bar. When she reached it, a worry cropped up in her mind she hadn't thought of—did they I.D.? Did she look old enough to pass for seventeen? She knew she looked older in her current state, but she was undeniably small. Not only was she short at just a bit over five feet, but she was skinny, too. But she wanted to let off some steam and release some of the tension squirming in her stomach.

Lily reached the back of the club, and there it was. A long bar with tons of people surrounding it. In her mind, she would just slide onto a stool and call the waiter with a casual wave of her hand. She'd order a shot—that's all her body needed to get tipsy—and then move on. But there were no stools in sight, and if there had been, they'd all be taken up. And it looked like it could take a while to order.

She approached the bar and tried to stand on her toes, because despite her heels, she still wasn't tall enough to see over the shoulders in front of her. After a couple of beats of the song, she pushed between the people in front of her, ignoring their protests and reaching the front. She waved a hand but realized she really didn't have to—a bartender was helping the guy right next to her.

"What'll it be?" he yelled over the music.

"A shot of tequila," Lily yelled back.

"Cuervo or Patron?"

"Cuervo," she improvised, unsure what it meant. Types of tequila?

"Hey! She just got here!" a girl in a slinky dress with deep cleavage yelled next to her, much louder than they had been yelling.

"I don't care," the bartender replied, "don't you know who this is?"

For a moment, Lily felt taken aback. He knew who she was? Maybe she looked like someone he knew. But still, the wording of the question was odd if that was the possibility. Then she realized. This had happened to her brothers before, but never her—not so far. She knew she was featured in some gossip magazines for various things—for instance, while she was at a grocery store checkout line with her mum, she saw a blurb in Witch Weekly with a picture of her and Lorcan Scamander sitting together at a Gryffindor versus Slytherin quidditch match. The caption questioned their relationship—were they young lovebirds? But being recognized in public without her family with her was something that had never happened before.

"I don't give a fuck who this is—," she started before he cut her off, "Lily Potter!"

The guy next to her nursing a rum and coke perked up, facing them and exclaiming, "Merlin! It is! Wow, you're even more beautiful in person." He put on a charming smile and told the bartender whatever she ordered was on him. The girl to her right was scoffing, whether in awe or annoyance, Lily paid no mind. She was now paying special attention to the guy next to her—a very cute young wizard, she realized.

"Thanks," Lily said, grateful for the wild lighting that hid her blush.

He leaned toward her and said in her ear, "I'm Greg Farris, nice to meet you." The smell of him overwhelmed her, heavy with cologne and sweat. She was intoxicated before her shot was even poured. She smiled demurely at him as his hand splayed against her lower back, sending warmth up and down her spine.

He ordered a shot along with her, and both of their shots were placed before them along with a salt shaker and a bowl of limes.

"Me first," he told her, and before she knew what was happening, he cupped her neck and pulled her towards him. She froze, unsure, but feeling adventurous. She couldn't believe what was happening as his warm, wet tongue traveled up the side of her neck. She let out a quiet moan, but he probably heard, because his body shook with a chuckle. He put salt where he had licked, and then took a lime and held it to her mouth.

"What?" Lily cried, feeling so giddy that she let out a series of nervous giggles.

"You bite it, love," he said with a smile so dazzling her knees felt weak. Even Philip's smile hadn't had this effect. And even with Scorpius somewhere in the same room, his perfect smile didn't even come to mind. She nodded and he put the lime in her mouth, his fingers lingering on her plump lips. She was worried she might be drooling, but hoped it might just look like lime juice. The tangy sourness jolted her senses, making her hyper-aware as he leaned back towards her neck. He licked up her neck again, making her shiver, but this time she managed to hold in her bodily reactions. He pulled back, downed his shot like a pro, made a face and then leaned towards her, like… like he was going to kiss her.

Lily was so surprised her head almost jerked back, but she forced herself to stay still. Her heart beat fluttered so fast, like butterfly wings, trapped in her chest and making her throat close up and her stomach clench. Greg cradled the back of her neck as he kissed her deeply around the lime, his tongue darting out and into her mouth, sucking the lime out and into his mouth. Lily's eyes slowly opened from the kiss, and she felt she might topple over from the pure force of it—not any sort of physical force, it wasn't a gentle kiss but it definitely wasn't aggressive—but in the sensual force of it. Greg was talented, Lily admitted to herself, smiling dizzily.

"Now you," he said. Lily followed his actions, holding onto his shoulders as she got up on her tiptoes and licked his neck, kissing and sucking briefly in a fleeting moment of allure, being so close to him, his potent smell, his warm, smooth skin. His hands clenched the back of her dress, his fingers digging into the sensitive flesh of her lower back. She applied the salt, licked up his neck again, and downed her shot. She realized she forgot the lime, quickly grabbed one and bit into it. When she turned back to him, their lips collided and they began to kiss vigorously, right in the middle of a crowd of people. Anyone could've seen them. Anyone could've taken a picture and sold it to a tabloid. Hell, one of her companions could see and interrupt her naïve actions. But in that moment, she didn't care. Her stomach was churning, warmth spreading through her bloodstream as the alcohol took its course.

People behind them began to complain about getting to the bar, so they pulled apart and Greg downed the rest of his now watered-down rum and coke and led her out to the dance floor.

Rose felt uncomfortable. She watched rather helplessly as her two beautiful cousins went off into the crowd and probably had the time of their lives, while she was left feeling too big, too under-dressed, and too dependent on the boy standing next to her. They obviously didn't fit in here. Her skin itched with the bass vibrating through her and the heat of a hundred bodies in a small, enclosed space. She felt she might collapse, and with this feeling, grabbed onto her boyfriend with desperation. Beyond that action, she had no idea what to do.

Drink? Rose had never had alcohol before. It was irresponsible, and she didn't turn seventeen until a month later, so it was illegal, too. Dance? She had never danced before, not like this, and definitely not with Scorpius. She just couldn't see herself grinding against Scorpius while he held onto her hips. No, that wasn't her. But what else could she do?

She looked over to Scorpius, who also seemed rather lost, looking around and wondering why he'd agreed to this. Secretly, deep down, he knew why. Lily could make anything fun. With her witty cynicisms and carefree attitude, she could make standing in line at the DMV an adventure. But now he was standing alone with Rose, and as beautiful and lovely and intelligent as Rose was, she was also uptight and timid and didn't belong here at all. He knew it would be more fun if he had just come here with Lily. With that thought, a deep sense of guilt ran through him. Scorpius pulled Rose close and led her towards the back, where hopefully a bar would be. If somehow he could get Rose to drink, or to let _him_ drink, the night might take a turn for the better.

However, Rose dug her heels in and yelled into his ear, "Where are we going?"

"To the bar," he replied. Rose shook her head forcefully.

"No! I'm not seventeen."

Sigh. "But _I am_." He turned and started to walk again, but again, she dug in her heels.

"But… but you don't need alcohol to have fun!" she said hopefully, trying to smile her lovely smile. Scorpius wanted to laugh, but didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"Do you just want to leave?" Scorpius said exasperatedly. It was a rhetorical question, but as soon as it came out, he was worried she might actually agree and drag him back to Hogwarts so they could "cuddle" (not have sex).

"No, no, it's fine, let's go to the bar," Rose resigned. Scorpius smiled sarcastically and they walked to the bar. Rose stopped him again and pointed, looking amused. There was her cousin, Roxy, dancing with a rather big guy with smooth moves, his hands roving over her body, her leather skirt riding up dangerously high. Scorpius watched with jealousy as she turned around and dropped low, coming back up and grinding against the stranger. Jealousy because he knew he'd never get that, not with Rose, not with anyone. He'd never have that carefree, sexy fun. Again, guilt swept through him—he loved Rose. He didn't need that.

They continued to the bar, and it only got worse. Because there was Lily, and she was kissing someone. Scorpius jolted forward, but Rose held him back, her face etched with concern. "What on earth are you doing? What's wrong?"

"That guy has his grubby paws all over Lily!" Scorpius yelled, his hands clenching at his sides and his chest puffing out. A burning feeling blossomed in his cheeks and in his chest. Like—anger? Protectiveness?

"So what?" Rose said, grabbing his face, making him make eye contact with her. This usually calmed him down, but he still felt riled up, and even more so when she said, "She seems like she's okay with it." Scorpius yanked his face back from her grip and back to the embracing couple. Well, shit. Lily did really seem to like it. One of her small, delicate hands was buried in the fabric of his shirt at his back, the other tangled in the stranger's hair. Scorpius came down a bit from his heightened emotions, letting out a long breath.

"Oh. Sorry. Let's go," Scorpius said, pulling her towards the opposite end of the bar from where her cousin stood. Rose followed in confusion.

Scorpius fought his way to the front, and after a fifteen minute wait, ordered his overpriced drink. He offered a sip to Rose. Her response was exclaiming that she had to go to the bathroom, and she disappeared into the crowd before he could protest. He finished his drink, checking his watch as Rose was gone for five, ten, fifteen, eighteen minutes. He had time to order another drink, finish it, and feel a buzz begin. The colors from the lights blended and swirled in an inexplicably satisfying way. However, he still felt an odd sense of melancholy as he stood alone, watching couples writhing and grinding and bouncing together.

Lily even made an appearance in the crowd, as for a split second the position of every person for about twenty feet or so cleared in a way that he could spot her dancing rather closely with the guy from the bar. In that brief glimpse, he saw her arms thrown around his neck, his head bent down to her level, their eyes locked and their faces smiling, their bodies touching and moving back and forth to the fast beat. His nostrils flared.

"Hey," Rose said, reappearing beside him. He looked to her and by the time he looked back, the crowd had surged back together so that Lily and the mystery man had disappeared. "Is that a new drink?" she questioned in an accusatory tone.

Annoyance shot through Scorpius as he replied, "Yeah, so what?" Rose shrunk back but didn't say anything else. A couple of minutes of silence passed between them before Roxy materialized before them, stumbling a bit and grabbing onto Rose for support.

"Rose, I just had five shots!" she screamed so loudly that several people around them turned to look at her in amusement. She was smiling ear to ear, and her skirt was definitely ridden up too far. She was holding onto Rose and then her eyes rolled back in her head. She lost her grip—luckily, Scorpius' arms shot out, holding her up. Her eyes shot back open and she pushed away from him, frowning deeply.

"Hey, don't touch me! You're dating my cousin! How dare you!" Roxy screeched nastily. Scorpius quickly pulled away, astonished. Rose laughed beside him, good-natured in even the most awkward of moments.

"Honey, let's take you home," Rose said, putting her arm around Roxy in support. Roxy smiled dreamily. "Scorpius, let's go."

"No!" Roxy insisted, backing away from Scorpius and dragging Rose with her. "He just came onto me! It was disgusting!" Rose tilted her head back and let out a hoot of laughter. Scorpius didn't find it that funny. People were looking, probably thinking he was a pervert.

"It's okay. I'll be home in a bit. You two go ahead," Scorpius said, rolling his eyes.

"Okay, see you tomorrow at breakfast? And make sure Lily gets home safe," Rose said, never one to cause a scene. He nodded and they disappeared, and he was truly alone. Except for Lily, who was somewhere deep in the crowd, probably getting groped on the dance floor. Little Lily. Was that her first kiss? Young, exciting, cool Lily, getting felt up on the dance floor by some douchebag who was undeserving.

Scorpius decided, yes, he was leaving. He walked out, not meaning to, but looking around for Lily and not spotting her. And also not meaning to take his glass with him. Opening the door and stepping outside, he was met with an astonishing, penetrating coldness and silence that sobered him in an instant.

He shook his head in wonder. Why the hell was he leaving? He couldn't just leave Lily behind, but he wasn't going back in there. He sat on the steps leading up to the sidewalk, set his drink down beside him, and settled in to wait for his friend to come out.

Scorpius leaned his head on the railing, the cool metal soothing his pounding head. He waited for maybe thirty minutes as people left in groups, walking around him and chatting loudly in their inebriated state, before his eyes drifted closed and he fell asleep.

Lily was being led down a hallway, her fingers intertwined with a stranger's.

Greg was twenty. He worked at a restaurant in muggle London as a waiter, and when he went to Hogwarts, he was a Hufflepuff who played seeker for two years before suffering a shoulder injury and quitting. Something else very important about Greg—he had whispered something very naughty in her ear only moments before on the dance floor, making her whole body go hot with attraction.

They went up some stairs in the hallway and pushed out a door with an exit sign above it. The moon was high in the sky, lighting up their features better than it had in the funky lighting of the club. Now she noticed different things about him as he pushed her up against the brick wall of the building and brought his face close to hers. He had freckles which made him look younger, and brown hair. His eye color, which she had been able to tell was light, she realized was a light hazel. His teeth were a bit crooked, but nothing too bad. He had no facial hair, but probably not by choice—he had a baby face. She wondered what she looked like to him—if her make-up was smeared now, if she was sweating too much, if he still found her sexy.

The response to the last question became clear as he confirmed it with a searing kiss. It turned sloppy as it deepened, and his hands roved over her breasts, squeezing and fondling in a way that wasn't pleasant, but if it made him feel good, she didn't mind. His hands moved down to her thighs, where he started to nudge her dress up. After a few minutes of his hands caressing her upper thighs, only having made an inch or two of progress, she pulled away, exasperated.

Lily hiked up her dress to just below her panty line, then jumped in a moment of impulsivity and passion, wrapping her legs around his waist and pulling his face back towards hers. They slammed back against the brick wall behind them. He kissed her neck, hitting an erogenous zone and working at it until she was panting and whining, bucking against his crotch. He was hard, and she felt it—boy, did she feel it.

Greg jumped a bit to hold her above his waist, unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, and with assistance from Lily's feet, his trousers and pants were soon around his ankles.

With a shove of her thong to the side, he slid in her, and she whimpered. It had been over a year. She'd be lying if she said she didn't miss it. It helped that she was really attracted to him and, well, really wet.

They fucked against the brick wall. It wasn't nearly as satisfying as it might have been with Philip, who knew her likes and dislikes, but in other ways, was way more satisfying. She'd never see Greg again. He had a large cock. His eyes were searing. He didn't have a girlfriend she'd have to pass in the hallway every day—she had asked. And he was a great kisser.

Lily didn't quite come—it had been building throughout, but was cut off when he pulled out and came all over the concrete steps beside them, groaning in a theatrical way that made her giggle. He pulled out his wand and used a spell to clean himself up, then got dressed. Lily pulled her dress back down and patted down her sex-hair.

He walked back over to her, took her face in his hands, and began to kiss her again. Lily felt an urge to leave. Now that they'd had sex, there was nothing else to build up to. She pulled her face away and whispered, "I have to go."

"Okay," he said, but started kissing her again. She gently pushed him away, and he let her go, smiling at her in an intimate sort of way that made the heat she had felt during their tryst return. _Okay_, she thought. _Maybe I can milk this a bit more to my benefit_.

And behind Vice where no one could see, a stranger named Greg went down on Lily and finished what he started.

Scorpius woke with a start, then quickly realized what had woken him. Lily stood over him, leaning forward and shaking his shoulder. He fought not to look down her cleavage.

"Hey, sleepyhead. You trying to get mugged?" she joked with a smile. He laughed and shook his head.

"I was waiting for you; I didn't mean to fall asleep. What time is it?" Scorpius said groggily.

Lily sat down beside him and grabbed his arm, peering close down at his wristwatch. Her hair fell over her shoulder and onto his lap, wine red in the darkness and fragrant—like flowers. And sweat. Scorpius inhaled deeply, quietly, so she wouldn't know.

"Oh, shit. Four in the morning. Let's get back home," Lily informed. She hopped up and grabbed his hand, helping him up in his tired state.

"You're too peppy for me right now," Scorpius said, fake-annoyed but smirking down at her.

"Huh. I've been called many things, but I have to admit, 'peppy' isn't one of them," Lily joked. She linked her arm through his and pulled him up the steps. She was happy. Too happy. Radiant, actually.

"So I guess things went well with that guy?" Scorpius said carefully. He didn't want to reveal he didn't approve, in case she clammed up and didn't tell him what happened between them.

"I mean, I guess. I'm never going to see him again, if that's what you're asking." She shrugged, smiling up at him.

"Good. Because he's too old for you. How old was he, anyway?"

"He's only 20, Scorpius." Lily rolled her eyes, trying to play it off. But it was a thought that had definitely crossed her mind. A twenty-year-old man who must have known how young she was… it was creepy. In the moment, it had seemed daring and sexy, but in the light of day, Greg had just been a graduate with no real career options and looking for a shag. He wasn't trustworthy, and he could easily spread it around that they had had sex. But would he? Lily was betting that he wouldn't, purely because of the age difference.

Lily also remembered that Philip was twenty now. It wasn't like she'd never hooked up with an older guy before. Still… it seemed different. Philip had been different for her. He had meant something.

Scorpius, true to her expectations, was taken aback, spluttering and upset.

"That's disgusting! Lily, he took advantage of you. I should've stopped him! Rose should've let me—,"

"Wait. You tried to stop him?" Something about his half-admission gave Lily pleasure. Scorpius, coming to her rescue. It gave her a thrill. She wondered what would have happened if he had stopped them. Would Greg have punched him? The idea of Scorpius wiping away blood from a split lip with anger in his eyes made Lily bite her lip and blush. Would he have punched Greg back? That idea appealed to her even more.

"Well, Rose stopped me. She was right to, I could've caused trouble," Scorpius answered. Lily frowned, her imagination reigning back in. It was completely out of character for Scorpius to ever punch someone. Come to her defense, maybe, but never one to cause a fight. Scorpius was diplomatic, and he was smart. Lily thought this made him the perfect head boy, somehow completely different than the head boy she had known so well before.

"Yeah," Lily agreed weakly.

They walked together into town before Lily was nearly crying from pain (from her shoes), fatigue (from the night's vigorous activities), and insobriety (from the tequila). They still had a thirty-minute walk ahead of them, and because of that knowledge, Lily fell to the ground, right onto her arse. Her thighs scraped the pavement, but she didn't care. She kicked off her shoes and saw that her heels were bleeding. Just the sight of it made her collapse in tears.

Scorpius fell to his knees beside her, cradling her head partly to comfort her, partly to keep her from collapsing completely.

"Oh, Lily, I know. Tonight was too much strain on you, wasn't it? Too much stimulation," Scorpius said the first half to her, and muttered the last half to himself, already going into brainstorming-mode. He looked around and saw, a block away, the answer to his prayers.

"Lily, there really is a God," he said excitedly. Without warning, he picked her up, one arm holding her shoulders and one arm under her knees. "Wow, you're light."

"I weigh eighty-five pounds," Lily whimpered, still crying quietly. Scorpius laughed, and she smiled weakly up at him as he began to walk down a street to their right. Lily tipped her head against his shoulder, trusting him completely. "Where are we going?" she asked casually.

"See that motel up there? We're going to stay there tonight," Scorpius told her.

"How romantic. But what about my shoes?" she said dryly.

"Fuck 'em."

The room they entered was exactly what they paid for. Low price, cheap quality.

Lily didn't care.

She went into the bathroom without a word, ignoring the fact that there was carpet with mysterious stains and that the drain was surrounded by dirt. She stripped off her dress and underwear, the only clothes she was wearing, turned on the water, and stepped under the cold spray. In under thirty seconds, she was sobered up.

Lily used the cheap bar of soap to wash her face of any make-up, and the shampoo to wash her sweaty hair. Once she was done, she wrapped herself in a towel and reentered the bedroom. Scorpius saw her and quickly looked away.

"I don't have any clothes," Lily admitted, embarrassed. "And… and you can turn around… I don't mind." Lily's face went hot, and suddenly she was hyper-aware of her makeup-less face, the immense amount of freckles across her tiny, pale shoulders and clavicle, and her knotted, wet hair, slicked back from her naked, flushed face. She felt bare and vulnerable, more than ever before.

Scorpius turned around, his blue eyes very obviously sticking to her face, but he didn't say a word, his eyes wide and confused. He approached her slowly, as if she might run off, unbuttoning his shirt along the way.

"Here," he said, shrugging off his flannel shirt and handing it to her. Luckily, any further embarrassment or nudity was avoided as he wore a white wife beater underneath. Still, Lily was embarrassed. His shoulders were tan and broad. Not muscular, but filled out and strong. She knew if she reached out, if she let her hand connect with his bare skin, he would be hot to the touch.

"Thanks," she murmured, taking the soft fabric from him. They stared at each other for another intense moment before she excused herself to change in the bathroom. She fled the room and closed the bathroom door behind her, quickly—practically slamming it in her desperation to be alone. Oh Merlin, what was happening? Her stomach felt like lead. Her head was pounding. Was she still drunk?

Lily pulled on her underwear and buttoned the shirt over her cold body. Scorpius' shirt landed at her upper-thigh, no higher than the dress she had worn earlier, but was somehow racier than the dress had been. Her hair dripped down her back, wetting the shirt and making it cling to her shivering spine. She pulled the collar closed around her face, breathing in deeply his warm, masculine scent. It was heady and strong within the cloth, and she felt as if Scorpius himself was embracing her. The shirt ghosted over her breasts, making her nipples harden. Lily gasped and crossed her arms over her chest, giving herself a few moments to calm down before leaving the safe space of the motel bathroom.

"I'm back!" Lily exclaimed with a silly smile, jumping back into the room, hoping to lighten the awkward mood. But upon seeing Scorpius sitting up in bed, she felt her smile and any happiness she had tried to fill this moment with flee the room. Oh Merlin, the bed. Were they to sleep in the same bed together?

Upon seeing her confused, horrified face, Scorpius quickly said, "It's a pretty big bed, but I can sleep on the floor if you'd rather?" A moment of silence passed between them before he quickly added, "No, you're right, that's stupid, I'll just sleep on the floor—,"

"No!" Lily practically yelled. His shocked expression made her tense muscles relax to reassure him, "I mean, no. It's fine. It _is_ a rather large bed." She laughed for no apparent reason at all, other than that she was nervous and the silence would have killed her.

She walked over and fell into bed with him. The last time she had been in a boy's bed… well, she hadn't exactly _been_ in the bed as she had been _bent over_ it. This situation was entirely different, but somehow felt just as exciting and wrong. But this time, she was scared. Inexplicably scared.

"I guess I'll be going to sleep now," Lily said awkwardly. She slid down under the covers and closed her eyes. Scorpius turned off the lamp, rustled around a bit, and before long, his heavy breaths filled the room. Lily smiled at the endearing sound, allowing herself to relax and push away any feelings of foreboding, and soon enough, she had fallen asleep, too.

Lily was awoken by a light shining in on her face, the scrappy curtains that the motel provided doing hardly anything to shield her from the intense light. She sat up slowly, confused at first by her surroundings. Off-white sheets were twisted up around her bare legs from a restless night of sleep. She was wearing a shirt that wasn't hers, but smelled like…

Scorpius! He was still there, sleeping next to her, blankets tossed to the floor, his face red from the warmth in the room. He only wore boxers and a white wife beater. He lay on his side, hands touching as if in prayer, propping his face up from the pillow. His mouth was open, and air whistled between his teeth in a soothing rhythm. His breath hitched and his eyes suddenly opened, as if sensing her stare.

Their eyes met, and he stared at Lily for a moment before smiling and saying, "What's going on?" His smile faded as he read Lily's expression and sat up suddenly, holding a hand to his head as the room spun around him. "Wait. Wait. What's—what time is it?" Shame flooded every feature of him then—his expression, the crease in his brow, the pout of his lips, the way he shrunk away from her as if she had just told him she was ill and contagious.

Lily hopped out of bed, careful to pull the hem of his shirt farther down her thighs, then ran to the window and pushed open the curtains, as if she could tell the exact time just by looking at the sky. What she could tell, however, was that the sun was pretty high. Morning had passed. And they were still gone. At a seedy motel.

She ran back over to him and grabbed his wrist, reading his watch: "It's—oh my god, it's 1:30." Lily sat back against the pillows behind her and let her head drop in her hands. It was late enough that people would be wondering where they were and why they were missing—_together._

Scorpius seemed to follow her train of thought before he got up, quickly pulling on his jeans and running his hands through his hair repeatedly and vigorously. "It's okay! It's okay! You know why it's okay? It's Saturday—Hogsmeade Saturday. So… so Rose will probably just think I got home late and left early to go into town. Yeah! Yeah, she'll probably just think that!" Scorpius' smile was so fake it was silicone.

Lily knew Scorpius was only trying to comfort himself. Rose was on his radar right now, not Lily. When he looked at her, she was sure he couldn't really see her at all. In his mind, he was already getting his fingers caught in Rose's knotted curls, his lips pushing across her pink ears, his voice saying _sorry, it didn't mean anything, it was an accident, I was drunk, I'm so sorry. _

Lily couldn't stand another moment with her thoughts. She got up and went to change in the bathroom, robotically unbuttoning his shirt and pulling her dress back on. She didn't have shoes, but she didn't care. She'd walk through broken glass all the way back to Hogwarts if it meant getting away from Scorpius.

But it didn't matter, because when she reentered the room, he was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Lily managed to make it back to Gryffindor Tower undetected with a hell of a lot of luck.

She wandered through alleys, ducking behind corners when she saw someone approaching. Luckily, Scorpius' shirt managed to cover up her torso and her bare arms so she looked less like an escort. She also looked less wild with a bare face, having thoroughly washed it until her freckled, veined eyelids were visible once again.

Walking through the mostly busy streets at the edge of Hogsmeade without shoes was no easy task, but she managed to make it all the way to the back of the Leaky Cauldron until she realized Merlin was truly on her side – there was Albus around the corner, ambling along the street, sans his usual bunch of friends or family. She risked stepping out into broad daylight for only a moment to shout his name, sharp and loud so that she wouldn't have to do it again.

A couple people turned to see her, but no one she knew. She waved Albus over fiercely and he obeyed, following her back behind the bustling building.

"Do you have the cloak?" Lily whispered, despite being far from prying ears. Albus was looking her up and down, his face scrunched in confusion.

"I do. Should I even ask?"

"I'd rather you didn't. Hand it over," she demanded.

Albus dug around in his magically extended pockets before he pulled out the cloak, hand over hand. She practically ripped it from his grip, throwing it around her shoulders and disappearing before he could ask any questions about her morally ambiguous night.

By the time she got back to her dorm, her feet were bleeding from walking over dirt, gravel, and concrete. She wanted to cry, for more reasons than one. She threw off the cloak and Scorpius' shirt, staring at the plaid pattern before her eyes blurred with tears. She stuffed the shirt into her pile of dirty clothes, deep at the bottom where she couldn't see it.

Lily lay down in bed, imagining Rose's face that night at dinner – a look of hurt. Betrayal. Hate. She felt sick to her stomach.

Executive decision: _no dinner tonight._

Scorpius made an executive decision: he wouldn't tell Rose about the Lily thing. It would only hurt her, and Lily was so young and innocent that it couldn't possibly mean anything to her, nor him. Therefore, it didn't mean anything, and might give Rose the wrong idea. Rose wouldn't understand – so there was no need to tell her, really.

But he knew he was fooling himself. Something like this would eat away at him.

When Rose asked where he was the night before, he told her he had gotten tired and passed out in bed before he could come and tell her good night.

"Sorry I slept in so late today. I didn't mean to worry you," he said, and she fell into the circle of his arms, looking up at him with her big brown eyes.

"It's alright, Malfoy," she said with a little smile, speaking in that baby voice she sometimes had when she spoke with him alone. He couldn't help but smile down at her and receive her kiss, forgetting his mistake from the night before.

Rose cut off the kiss too soon and led him out of her dormitory door for dinner.

Lily came to the Astronomy Tower every night for the next week to find it empty. The first night, she wandered around for a bit, as if he was hiding somewhere. The next night, she called his name into the darkness and got no answer. After that, she caught on.

It was odd to not have a smoking buddy. Suddenly, she had so much more to think about but so much more silence to not think at all. Sometimes she would look up into the sky and wonder about her future, her family, Scorpius. Sometimes she would rage with jealousy and cry until she fell asleep and woke up at the edge of the ledge, on the brink of falling. Sometimes she would just stare at the sky until it all blurred into indigo velvet.

She kept buying weed from Albus' friend Lenny Gray until he asked her if she was okay. Yeah, that was right, her drug dealer asked her if she was _okay. _She huffily replied that she was fine and he gave her a discount, just for being pathetic.

It was lonely. She felt like she had no friends. And she realized, she really didn't.

It was approaching a year that Scorpius and Rose were together. A year of them being disgusting together, and sexually active, and generally the worst couple ever. At least Lily thought so.

One day at lunch, it was just Rose, Dominique, Roxanne, and herself sitting together. Dom and Roxy were asking Rose about their anniversary, and what they were going to do to celebrate.

"Well, first we're getting breakfast at this fancy muggle restaurant in London. Then we're going to come back here and exchange presents, and then probably just hang out for a while. Then he wants to take me to dinner on the lake, like, a picnic." Rose was glowing. "Isn't that sweet?"

Roxy and Dom awed simultaneously. Lily forced a wry smile.

"What're you getting him?" Dominique asked, leaning forward with her chin rested in her palm. Over time, she had definitely warmed to the thought of Scorpius and Rose together, although Lily swore she saw Dom flirting with him when she could get him alone. It made her wonder if Dom was really just biding her time until she could seduce Scorpius out of his relationship with Rose. She would definitely be one to see Rose as her enemy even after she had "forgiven" her for "stealing" Scorpius away, and even more so one to keep her enemies close.

Rose clammed up, swirling her tea with a spoon and turning bright red. "Well…"

"Ooh, what is it Rose? What naughty thing do you have planned?" Roxy demanded, slamming her hand on the table and practically gushing with excitement. Lily felt her stomach turn sour from the little bit of the sandwich she had eaten.

"I didn't actually buy him anything. I was just thinking… I could just… like… go down on him?" Rose was bright red from head to toe, burying her face in her hands.

"Wait, you've never given him a blow job before?" Lily blurted, aghast. Her three cousins turned to her, one embarrassed and the other two admonishing.

"I mean… no," Rose replied, sounding unsure. "We just have sex every now and then." She shrugged a shoulder, avoiding eye contact.

"Aw, Rose, it's okay. Everyone goes about relationships at their own pace," Dominique assured, pointedly glaring at Lily.

"I'm not saying it's bad, I was just surprised," Lily defended herself self-consciously. _This_ was why she didn't talk to Rose and Dominique.

"Do you need tips?" Dom asked excitedly, already forgetting her younger cousin. Rose chippered up a bit, nodding. Dominique swiftly started going into gruesome detail about giving head, even demonstrating with a spoon, and Roxy added in advice between breaths. Lily focused on the rest of her sandwich, trying to forget that this was all for Scorpius. She really didn't want to imagine it.

"Make sure you make eye contact," Dominique added. "Boys find it sexy."

Lily suddenly pictured, in perfect clarity, being on her knees in front of Scorpius. Looking up into his clear blue eyes. Leaning forward with an open mouth as he slowly closed his eyes in pleasure…

"I have to go," Lily burst out, shooting up from her seat.

"Oh – ok," Rose said, surprised. "Bye."

"Yeah, bye, Lily," Roxy added. Dom said nothing.

Lily strode away, throwing her hood over her burning face as she exited the Great Hall.

Lily was nauseous. She couldn't stop crying. She lay in bed all night, thinking about what would happen in two days, when Scorpius and Rose's first anniversary arrived.

If she wasn't out of the picture now, she knew after Sunday, she would be out of the picture forever.

She rolled from one side of her bed to the other side restlessly. If she felt this horrible now, she didn't even want to think about how she would feel in forty-eight hours. She couldn't stop hearing Rose's soft voice, embarrassedly admitting her idea for her anniversary present. The thought made Lily sick. And the horrible thing was, she couldn't stop thinking about it.

She tried reading. She had recently picked up (stolen) a romance novel from one of her dorm mate's, Penny Berger's, stash of cheesy romance novels with glistening six-pack abs on the cover. The only thing was, every time she tried to read about Damien and Crystal's torrid love affair, she imagined herself and Scorpius as the hero and heroine. In her mind, he would ride up to her on a black stallion, shirtless and sweating and sporting a cowboy hat. Lily would be breathless in his presence, dramatically clutching her bonnet to her deep red hair. He would reach out for her hand, and with a strength no other man she had ever met had, would sweep her up onto the saddle, where his hands would circle her slim, corseted waist with a husky sigh. They would gallop away into the sunset, where his disapproving family could never judge their love again.

Then she would remember that she wasn't Crystal, and he wasn't Damien. Not even close.

She even tried to skip over the romance so she didn't have to think about the flutters she felt only around Scorpius. She skipped straight to the smut. But even then, she couldn't visualize the two main characters – she could only think of the two of them. What was even worse was when the scene in her mind warped her face into another. Rose.

Lily tried doing her homework, but found herself staring at blank pages with nothing to write. She could only think of one person.

Crying it out wasn't helping. She needed to resolve this. She needed to get rid of these plaguing thoughts once and for all.

Lily climbed out of bed, disoriented for a moment. Her eyes were squinted and dry, creasing around the corners with bags underneath from her intense distress. Her cheeks were bright red and aching, her head pounding. She was a mess, and she needed to pull herself together, stat.

She pulled on her black boots and gray hoodie, then went to the bathroom to wash her face. She lathered it in lotion, her tears having left her sensitive skin dry and crusty. She patted on some mineral make-up, wanting to look pretty for once. She wasn't used to vanity like this. She hardly ever changed her appearance to impress anyone. This was further evidence that Scorpius was making her crazy.

Still in possession of the cloak, she swept it around her and let it settle for a moment, watching as she disappeared in the mirror in front of her. Excellent. She was ready to go. She was ready to confront him.

In almost all ways, Lily was different from Rose. In fact, she would even agree that Rose was her exact foil. Lily was quiet but not shy, laid-back, uninterested in what others thought of her, witty and quick, uninhibited with her body and her emotions. Rose was outgoing, friendly, liked by almost everyone, but also careful, studious, self-conscious, and a follower, never a leader. This was most likely the reason she wasn't picked to be Head Girl. She was restrained and prudish. While Lily let her emotions loose, Rose withheld them, in order to not hurt others, but more importantly, to protect herself.

If Rose was bothered by something, she would ignore it. Lily knew if their roles were reversed, she would repress her feelings and try to move on. But this was Lily, and she was hurting. Rose hardly confronted Scorpius – not because he didn't, on occasion, make her mad, but because she didn't want to fight. Lily was wild and eager to confront Scorpius, because she knew something he didn't. As Lily steeled herself outside of the Slytherin common room, she knew he would know soon.

Lily, invisible and tense, leaning against the stone wall in anticipation, watched a girl in Slytherin robes approach her. Well, not her, but the entrance beside her. The little blonde stopped in front of the stone door that blended into the walls surrounding it, the only indication that anything resided behind it was the barely perceptible shadowed outline of the opening.

"Vengeance," the girl announced, and the door slid back. Lily quickly followed, unsure how long it would stay open behind the Slytherin.

Lily made her way up the boys' staircase, having taken this route so many times before to seek solace from Albus. Except this time, she passed the seventh year dormitory and climbed the last ten steps to the top. Only once her foot landed on the top step did the outline of a door appear, the silver door knob materializing before her. She looked up to the plaque that hung on the door, silver with green embossing that declared HEAD BOY SCORPIUS MALFOY. She almost wanted to giggle at the way it rhymed, how catchy and gimmicky it was. She'd have to mention it to him; why hadn't they noticed it before? Perhaps that would be a good ice breaker. But as soon as his eyes met hers, she forgot how to speak.

She knocked on the door but didn't take off the cloak yet, just in case someone else was in there with him. The lack of any sort of copulating noises was a good sign, but she didn't doubt Rose's skill at silencing charms.

A few moments passed where she heard rustling inside, satiating her fear entirely. The door swept open and there he stood, silvery blonde hair a bit tousled and eyes groggy from sleep, in a green T-shirt and football shorts, barefoot and handsome and entirely alone. He stared blankly ahead and was about to take a step forward to further investigate this possible ding-dong-ditch, but Lily quickly swept the cloak off her shoulders like the Phantom of the Opera. Scorpius jumped back in surprise.

"Lily! What are you doing here?" he cried, seeming happy at first, but the positive expression melting away a bit as it seemed to dawn on him that they weren't on the best of terms.

"Aren't you going to invite me in? Rude," Lily countered, lowering her head a bit to look up at him through her long lashes and offering a flirty smile. He laughed nervously and stepped aside, muttering an "of course" in compliance.

Lily entered his room, entirely too aware that this was their first time alone in what seemed like forever, and the first time she had ever been in his room. With the dim lighting, only a lamp by his bedside to illuminate the space, she could almost imagine that they were meeting at the astronomy tower for a smoke. But no, this was different. Not just anyone could interrupt them here.

She strode to the center of the room, turning around in a circle to evaluate the space. It was a bit messy, his clothes in a monumental dirty pile by his desk similar to Lily's own horrendous mountain of hoodies and jeans and robes, but other than that, his room was pretty clean. It didn't smell horrible, either. It was like being encased in a giant plaid shirt of his, and she discreetly inhaled the intoxicating scent.

"You can just – let's sit here," Scorpius said, gesturing to his bed. He hurried over to rearrange the blankets a bit so that they wouldn't be sitting on lumps of Egyptian cotton. Lily followed his lead, sitting at the edge of the bed, making sure to put a few inches between them so that she wasn't too alarmingly close.

It was quiet for a moment, a tense moment where they didn't dare look at each other.

Scorpius absentmindedly scratched his straight, lightly freckled nose before mumbling, "I've missed you." Almost as if he didn't want to say it. As if the words were being sucked from his throat.

Lily looked over at him in surprise, but he was still staring at the floor, a blush creeping up his neck. She smiled, trying to put him at ease. "I missed you, too." He was biting his cheek, she could just barely tell, trying to hold back a smile.

He sighed in relief, the tension partially dissipating. This ice breaker was even better. He said, "Things have been weird. I should have come to see you, I just felt – I felt weird. I made a mistake… that night," Scorpius said, finally meeting her eyes, his expression entirely serious and sober. He licked his lips, and her eyes followed the motion. She snapped her gaze away quickly.

"The thing is…" Lily started, her heart pounding so hard and fast she was afraid he could hear it, or that her body was vibrating with it. She wanted to back out. She wanted to run. But she couldn't... he had to know. She took a deep breath and met his unsettlingly beautiful blue gaze and continued, "I don't think you did."

Scorpius sucked in an audible breath, leaning away from her a bit. His eyes narrowed, whether in an accusatory way or in suspicion, Lily couldn't tell. But she wished she could duck back under the cloak, perhaps even obliviate this whole night from his memory. But she couldn't. She needed to push through or the next week would be torture, and she'd know that she did nothing to prevent it.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that," Lily took a deep breath, digging her grave, "I know you like me."

She didn't know that. In fact, it was a complete gamble. Sure, he flirted sometimes. But mostly he joked and talked about Rose. But she couldn't make that night after Vice go away. She couldn't forget his heated gaze, or the fact that he'd carried her so close to his heart. She couldn't stop feeling his flannel against her bare skin, and she couldn't get his smile disentangled from her heart. She needed to know, and she had a feeling she already knew… but she needed to _know. _

Scorpius' reaction was slow. He still looked at her with narrowed eyes, as if she hadn't even said anything. Then they slowly widened, his pupils noticeably dilating with the action itself. His hands clutched the bedsheets beneath him, and his head turned away to look at the wall opposite them. He shook his head, closing his eyes, his mouth opening as he evidently tried to think of something to say.

Finally: "_What?_" His eyes were now boring into hers, and if she wanted to flee before, she wanted to run away as fast as she could to Siberia _now_.

She could have easily said "Actually, never mind!" and leave, but she wasn't going down without a fight. If their friendship was going to be ruined, she might as well fight for it first. Oh, hell, she was fighting for more.

"You like me, Scorpius. You find me attractive," she stated, trying to sound more confident than she felt. She considered saying that she saw the way he looked at her, but deemed it too cliché.

"I can find you attractive and not have to like you, Lily." He rolled his eyes, as if the idea was ridiculous. But she couldn't help but smile at his response, because it did confirm one thing – that every time she'd felt the heat of his gaze and wondered if he had been feeling just as enticed as she was feeling, he was. She wasn't completely crazy.

"Why are you smiling?" he snapped, gesturing angrily with one hand. Lily's smile dropped but a hopeful glint remained in her eyes.

"Because you know it's true. You have a crush on me!" she replied triumphantly. He scoffed, but she quickly added before he could refuse, "Oh, stop being so dramatic, Scorpius." She tried to imperceptibly scoot close to him, but he turned away, collecting himself for a moment before turning back to her.

"I'm not being dramatic. You're being… weird. This is weird. We're… friends! I thought we were friends," Scorpius replied, but his last sentence came out more like a question.

"We are. But we could be more. I like you, Scorpius. And you like me, too. It's that simple," Lily said slowly. She ran her hand along his jaw, turning his face towards her. He complied easily, his eyes meeting hers, confusion written across his features.

Lily's heart pumped so fast, she felt the energy it was releasing could power a city. She licked her lips lightly, but this time it was his eyes following the motion. Her breath hitched as her hand smoothed back over his jawline, curling around the back of his neck and feeling the silky hair there. This was it.

Lily leaned in while Scorpius remained entirely still, his pouty lips slightly parted in disbelief. Once she was halfway there, the anticipation was killing her. And then it all happened very fast. She swooped in and their lips collided. Scorpius caught her around the waist, pulling her closer. She pressed her thighs together, her clit throbbing with wanting. Her hands tangled in his hair, scratching against his scalp and smashing his lips against hers in desperation. Their teeth bumped together from the force of it.

They kissed for several hot seconds before Lily knew – she wanted more. She wanted more, now.

She kicked her leg over his lap and straddled him, opening her mouth and laving her tongue against his. He sucked her lip hard between his teeth, and she moaned desperately, writhing against him. And then she felt it – a hardness in his pants. She bucked against him, stimulating her clit and making her pant in wanting.

Scorpius' hands dug into her back, grasping her hoodie and panting along with her. Their eyes met for a moment as their kiss broke and she let out a frantic moan as she approached climax. His eyes were glazed over as he watched her, tousled and aroused, a way he had never seen her before. She lowered her head back down to kiss him again but suddenly his arms tightened around her and threw her back against the bed.

She bounced and giggled as she landed, excited for him to climb on top of her and hopefully drive her arousal home. However, when she looked up, he wasn't leaning over her like she thought he would be. He was across the room, facing partly away from her, his hands covering his face in shame.

The blood drained from Lily's face. Oh, no.

"You need to leave," Scorpius said hoarsely. Lily quickly sat up, her face falling.

"What? Why?" Her voice sounded whiney, even to her own ears, but her eyes were filling with tears and she couldn't help it.

"Get out!" he yelled, turning around and approaching her fiercely. He grabbed her cloak along the way, flinging it at her just as the door flung open. She turned to it in surprise, expecting someone to storm through, but realized it was of his own doing – wandless, nonverbal magic. You could only really do it if you felt the spell with passion.

Lily realized then – he passionately wanted her to go.

Hurt and mortified, she grabbed the cloak and left. She turned to say something, perhaps to plead with him or argue, she wasn't sure what, but the door slammed in her face.

She pulled the cloak around her and headed to Albus' dormitory, where she found that his bed was empty. At half past midnight?

Lily shrugged off the cloak and climbed under his covers, crying silently into his pillow until she fell asleep.

Lily was woken by an aggressive nudge to her shoulder. After a restless night of on-and-off sleeping, her eyes shot open to meet a pair of brown eyes behind metal-rimmed glasses.

"What are you doing in my bed, Lils?" Albus asked, although his expression gave insight that he might already know why.

"What are you doing sneaking in at," Lily groggily looked over at the dim glow of his alarm clock, "five in the morning, Al?"

Instead of answering her question, he simply replied "touché" and motioned for her to scoot over.

That was the sweet thing about Albus. He would share the bed with her, comfort her when she needed it. He had a paternal gene that had helped Lily greatly through childhood when she woke up from terrible nightmares and didn't want to brave walking all the way downstairs to her mum and dad's room. Albus was always right there next door, available to comfort her and wipe away her tears when needed. If James caught her in his bed, he would kick her out. And if she went to him for comfort whenever Albus spent the night at a friend's (usually the Malfoy's), he would tell her to go back to bed. She would spend those nights in Albus' empty bed, breathing in his brotherly smell and pretending he was there.

Albus stretched his arm out behind her, and she settled down in the crook of it, her abundance of dark hair spread across his forearm and shoulder, even tickling his face until he blew it away. She giggled at the dramatic way he did it, scrunching his nose and pretending to sneeze.

"Thank Merlin there's no school today," Albus remarked. Lily sighed in content agreement. It only took her a couple of blissful moments until she remembered – Scorpius. Rose. She had kissed him, and he had kicked her out. Their friendship was over, and any potential of more.

Scorpius and Rose's anniversary was tomorrow, and just as Lily feared, she was officially out of the picture. For good.

She closed her eyes, hoping to banish the emotional pain, but it still swept over her, making her shiver against Albus' side.

"Are you cold?" he asked in concern, reaching over to rearrange the blankets to cover her. Lily nodded, unable to explain a differing reason.

"So what are your plans for today?" Lily whispered.

"Well, everyone's going into Hogsmeade, I guess." He sighed, making Lily aware that he wasn't particularly fond of this idea. She could tell something was wrong, but she didn't want to pry.

Oh, hell – she definitely wanted to pry.

"Is someone going to be there that you don't want to see?" Lily asked, trying to sound casual but unable to rid the knowing look from her piercing emerald eyes. Albus' lips flattened into a straight line while his eyes closed.

"Yes," he said simply, his tone offering no further invitation to investigate.

They were quiet for a while. Albus pretended to sleep and the cogs in Lily's brain churned. Finally she broke the silence.

"Fuck Hogsmeade. Let's go see James' new place in London," Lily suggested fervently, sitting up and kicking her legs over the side of the bed. She looked back for his reaction and was pleased to see that he was smiling in agreement.

Lily woke up on Sunday morning with a horrid hangover in a room she didn't recognize.

She sat up too quick and grabbed her head in pain, nausea overtaking her. She ran out of the room into more familiar territory – the main hallway of James' new flat. One door down was the bathroom. She shoved the door open and cried out in disgust upon seeing James already occupying it.

"Lily, get the fuck out!" James yelled, hunching over and turning away. A spray of urine hit the shower curtain similar to the sound of sprinkler water hitting her bedroom window at Godric's Hollow. "Shit!"

"I have to – ," Lily stopped and ran to the sink, emptying her stomach into it.

"Aw, man," James said. "You're cleaning that, you dirty drunk."

Lily leaned away, backing up until her back met the wall, sliding down to the floor. James faced away from her while he tucked himself away and zipped up his pants. He turned back to her and knelt down beside her, placing a comforting arm around her shoulder.

In a quieter, kinder voice he added, "And you're cleaning up my piss from the curtain, too." He patted her shoulder and heaved himself up, leaving her alone in the bathroom.

Lily recalled the day before – a mostly fun yet uneventful day, until around eight in the afternoon, James suggested they play a drinking game version of exploding snaps.

Lily had lost. A lot.

Albus returned with a glass full of water and some pain killers. While she drank, he cleaned up her sick with his wand.

"You missed a spot," Lily said, jerking her chin toward the toilet. He headed over and, upon seeing the puddle beside the toilet, sighed and cleaned that as well.

"Thanks, Al. James is useless."

"Not entirely true. He's the one that sent me."

"Ah," Lily exhaled. "Well he's still a wanker."

James popped his head in, sticking his tongue out at her before leaving just as abruptly.

"James says we're kicked out because he's having a girl over," Albus said, waggling his eyebrows at her from where he leaned against the counter.

"Really? Who?" Lily chirped, perking up at the potential gossip.

"Do you remember that g—?" Albus started, before suddenly the bathroom door banged open and James stepped in, chest puffed out like a soldier at arms.

"Okay, that's it girls, out!" he snapped. "I've had enough trouble with Witch Weekly disclosing my personal endeavours, I don't need my own siblings doing it, too."

This only peaked Lily's interest even more.

"Who is it, Jamie?" she taunted, getting up from the floor and approaching him with outstretched hands. As soon as she started wiggling her fingers, his eyes widened in horror.

"Don't you dare tickle me, Lily! Remember last time?" James warned. She _did_ remember last time. She also remembered the guidance counselor pulling her aside to ask about the sick shiner she was sporting. She stopped in her tracks but didn't cease her examination.

"Who is it?" she asked again, this time turning to Albus.

"Don't you dare, Albus Severus!" James cried. Albus' smug smile immediately dropped from his face as the brothers' eyes met. Something silent seemed to pass between them before Albus shrugged and turned back to her.

"It's no one you know, Lily. Don't worry about it," he conceded.

Lily dropped the subject but made a mental note to ask Al about it later.

Roxanne Weasley headed down to breakfast at her usual time on Sunday morning with her Hufflepuff friends, the usual bittersweet, tired haze of the last day of the weekend settling around them like a fog.

She wore a purple felt sunhat atop of her caramel hued curls, shadowing her face from the early blue sunlight outside, reflected above her in the ceiling of the Great Hall. This also disguised her shock as she realized that everyone around her seemed to be in a buzz, whispering loudly about something.

Roxy loved gossip just as much as the next girl, but this didn't appeal to her particularly – it was too early in the morning. Despite it being nine, it was too early for her. She had never been a morning person, but they stopped serving breakfast at half past ten.

As she walked further into the hall, she noticed someone. Not just any someone; Rose Weasley.

Her friends veered off towards the Hufflepuff table, but she stopped dead in her tracks.

"Rox," Irma Hernandez called, falling back from their group to step up beside her. "You coming?"

Roxanne shook off her friend's hand from her shoulder, receiving a hurt look because of it that she ignored. "No, but I'll see you later."

She walked purposefully over to Rose, where she sat looking entirely depressed in a way that she tried to cover up with cakey concealer over the redness under her eyes and thick eyeliner around her watery eyelids. Perhaps others didn't notice her distress, but Roxanne and Rose had known each other since they were in diapers. They had grown up together. Rose's sorrow stuck out like a sore thumb to anyone with the Weasley name.

She slid in next to Dom, who was saying something hushed and comforting to Rose. She stopped talking immediately when Roxy dropped her bag down beside her.

"What's going on?" Roxy asked, leaning forward. Over Rose's shoulder she noticed a group of girls staring at them and whispering. One of them giggled and rolled her eyes. Roxy glared at them until they noticed and sheepishly turned away.

Rose's face scrunched up in pain, and she ducked her head to hide it.

After a moment of silence in which Rose couldn't find the strength to say anything, Dominique blurted out, "Scorpius and Rose broke up."

She guessed it should've been obvious. Usually when a girl is crying, it's because of a boy. But Scorpius was crazy about Rose, and vice versa. They were the power couple of the school, beautiful and popular in their own ways. How could this have happened?

"But why? How could this – I thought everything was going so well with you two?" It was their anniversary, for crying out loud! Roxy took a shuddery breath, more shaken than seemed necessary for someone else's heartbreak, then asked the golden question as straightforward as possible: "Why did you two break up?"

Rose lifted her head, her eyes seeming to have dried. Her mouth wobbled into a hateful frown, her nostrils flaring briefly in anger. She clenched her fork tightly, as if she was about to stab someone with it.

"_Lily_."


	5. Chapter 5

Thank you so much for all of the wonderful reviews! camila yes, somewhat.

Chapter Five

Scorpius and Rose had broken up. It was go time.

Dominique took extra time making sure her hair was perfectly coiffed that morning, using a myriad of hair products to produce perfect curls with texture and body. She rolled her skirt up a couple of times to show off more of her smooth, pale thighs, white platform sneakers making her long legs look like a mile stretch.

She carefully applied Ruby Woo by Mac to her pouty lips, smacking them together sensually. Perfect. Done. Scorpius wouldn't know what hit him.

During potions, she slid into Rose's old seat next to Scorpius. He looked up in surprise, but offered a smile anyway. A wary one, but a smile all the same.

"Hey, Scorpius. How are you?" Her voice was calm, quiet, sympathetic. She ran her hand gently and briefly over his shoulder, reminiscent of the way she would daintily brush her hair off her own shoulder.

"I'm fine," he said, stiffening only barely. It wasn't normal for Dominique to act like this towards him, not since he started dating Rose. Sometimes she would watch him and their eyes would meet and she'd smile coyly, but it never went farther than that. Scorpius would be lying if he said he didn't find her attractive, but her touch didn't affect him the way it might affect some of his classmates.

Dominique didn't throw herself at boys. She planted the seed of attraction, watered it every now and then, and then sat back and watched it grow. However, this method was hardly ever needed. Most boys wanted her anyway. But Scorpius was the romantic type – simply being hot wouldn't do. Being close to him and talking to him would have greater impact, but she couldn't just start asking him what his favourite color was. She needed to create some intrigue. This was her seed; she ignored Scorpius for the rest of the class period in the hopes that he would make the next move. He snuck glances at her for the rest of the class period. She took this as a small victory.

When Dom was fifteen, she had looked in the mirror one morning and realized she was beautiful, accepting the implications that came with it. Being judged automatically for being shallow, being wanted only for her looks, not having to be smart or funny or nice. She had been told from as long as she could remember that she was pretty, that she was going to become a very beautiful young woman. And looking in the mirror that day, she thought she looked… almost… hot. She was desirable. She could have anything, or anyone, she wanted.

Just to test it, she had tried to seduce the most attractive boy at school – and it had worked. The boys that had come after didn't matter. They were all so easy. A simple smile could pull them in. That's why Scorpius was intriguing – like the first, he would be a_ real _accomplishment: handsome, smart, and a challenge.

The class period ended and Dominique turned to leave, completely sure he would say something, stop her before she left. And sure enough, just as she slung her book bag over her shoulder, he did.

Scorpius grabbed her arm – not too demanding, but with a gentle firmness meant to stop her in her tracks. He said, "Dom?"

The short nickname from someone who didn't usually address her with a nickname, or really address her much _at all, _turned her fake smile into an actual one, soft around the edges but flirty in its silent mischief. "Yes?" she replied, her tone light.

He sighed and looked around, making sure everyone had left. He took a step closer, his hand still on her arm. Their breaths intermingled, and his cool gaze met hers with a question in them. He seemed nervous, the way his hand clenched against her arm. She could feel each little crescent of his fingernails bite her skin.

"Has Rose said anything to you?"

Dominique's smile dropped.

"No, she hasn't. Not yet, anyway." Some digging was in order.

His hand dropped from her arm. He stepped back, seeming a bit lost. He must have had follow up questions that were no longer applicable. He looked a little relieved.

"Oh." Scorpius chewed at his plump bottom lip before briefly meeting her eyes and muttering, "See you, Dominique."

Her nose wrinkled in distaste as he walked past her. Any inclination she had about his feelings toward her went sour. This would take more work than she thought. Perhaps she had bargained with the idea that he would fall into her arms in his sadness, accepting her as a rebound. But no, he didn't seem the slightest bit interested. Even when his face had been so close to hers, there wasn't any sort of sign that he felt a ripple of electricity, an inkling of attraction.

Dominique startled at the sound of shuffling papers, and looked over to see Slughorn watching her curiously. She straightened and left the room, trying to act casual, dipping her head towards him at the door in greeting. Had he heard everything? Probably. Had her disappointment been as obvious as it felt? Probably. If anyone was as much of a gossip as Dominique, it was Slughorn.

Whatever. It didn't matter. Her eye was still on the prize. She needed to do more digging, and lunch seemed like the best opportunity to get Rose alone and talking. Besides a tearful admittance that her and Scorpius were done, Rose hadn't said much else about the when, where, why, and how. And if anything about the way Scorpius had acted earlier made clear, it was that Rose was the _who – _the one who ended it. The other who was what shocked her even more – what exactly was Lily's role in this?

Dominique intercepted Rose by the Great Hall, gently linking her arm through her cousin's and leading her into a quiet, mostly empty corridor.

"Hey, sweetie. How are you?" Dom asked, her eyebrows furrowed in concern.

Rose had always had a sort of tender prettiness that never surpassed beautiful. Her hair was big with bouncy, frizzy curls of a bright orange hue, and her eyes were large, doe-eyes, muddy brown. Freckles were abundant across her face, with otherwise clear skin. Even Dominique didn't have that – sometimes she was forced to cake on foundation to cover up the occasional breakout. Rose was fat, and very insecure about it, which made it even more obvious. However, the way that Scorpius wanted her made her seem even more desirable to everyone around her. Most days, Dominique would look at Rose and see someone she wanted to be. It was so laughably backwards – _Dominique_ was the one every girl wanted to be.

However, today was not a day where _anyone_ would want to be Rose Weasley.

Rose's eyes were still puffy from crying, her usually large eyes squinty. Her hair was untouched, pulled back in a puffy ball at the nape of her neck. Her white button-up shirt was tight on her, stretched at the seams, unappealing to her body type. Unfortunate armpit stains completed her pathetic look of the day.

"Oh, Dom, thanks, but I'll be fine," she insisted with a wobbly grin. A film of thick saliva adorned her sad attempt at a smile. She probably hadn't brushed her teeth. "Can I ask you a question?"

"You just did, silly!" Dominique giggled, bumping her hip and trying to lighten her up and spill. Rose laughed along, obviously faked. Even her laugh sounded miserable.

"You sat with Scorpius this morning." Not a question.

"I did, Rosie. I was hoping to make the situation less awkward for you. So, if I took your seat, you wouldn't have to sit there. I hope that was okay. Did I upset you?" Dominique tilted her head to the side, like a confused bird.

"No, no! Of course not. But… did Scorpius say anything about me?" Rose chewed on her lip, much the same way Scorpius had. Dom briefly wondered who had picked up the nervous habit from whom.

Dominique considered her response (a lie or the truth?) before saying, "No, he didn't. But he seemed pretty broken up about it." Rose nodded, her lips pressed together tightly, making creases appear at the corner of her lips and her dimples show.

"Rose, I hope you don't mind me asking… but what happened? You two seemed so happy." Dominique made her tone neutral, but she couldn't help her intense expression of curiosity. She itched to know. She hated secrets, she hated not knowing. She would get her hands on a vial of veritaserum if she had to.

Rose looked around to make sure the coast was clear, then grabbed Dominique's arm and pulled her towards the window seat at the end of the hall. They sat, turning their knees towards each other and leaning forward as they usually did when someone was dishing. Sunshine shone through the stained glass window, alighting on Rose's face and making her look like a piece of art. It was the first time that day that Dominique thought Rose actually looked pretty again.

"It was our anniversary. He wanted to have sex. Well, okay, that's not… I mean… _I_ initiated. But then I backed out, I didn't want to anymore."

Dominique wanted to scream out, "WHY?!" but managed a simple eye-twitch instead. Rose was an odd creature. How anyone could deny Scorpius sex was a mystery to her.

Rose continued, "And I got upset because I felt guilty, and he said that it was okay, it wasn't a big deal and I shouldn't worry but – I just couldn't stop apologizing, and I guess that made it worse. So then he yelled at me to just stop apologizing, because it wasn't like he was ever going to get any anyways. And so I started crying. Then he said I shouldn't feel bad b-because—" Rose stopped, overcome with emotion, her eyes filling with tears that quickly spilled over. Dominique reached out, putting a hand over Rose's in silent comfort. _Here comes the good stuff!_

"He was like 'I have to tell you something, I was hanging out with Lily the other night and she came onto me.'" Rose's nostrils flared. Dominique's eyes widened in surprise. "And I was like 'how? What happened?' I was sure it was nothing, and he was just overreacting, but no. Apparently she told him she liked him and she kissed him."

"That bitch!" Dominique said, this time completely sincere in her reaction. Secretly she thought that if Scorpius was going to cheat on Rose with anyone, it would be her. Lily? _Lily?!_ She was tiny, practically anorexic, always wore the same fucking black hoodie, never did anything to her hair, and always smoked pot. She hardly ever wore makeup. She barely ever talked, and when she did, she was just saying something sarcastic or rude. How did _Lily_ get to kiss _Scorpius?_

But wait – Scorpius would never reciprocate. He was completely loyal to Rose. Right?

Rose swiped at her tears. "I thought that, too. But Lily is family. Scorpius is like – like, her friend. They hang out all the time at night and I didn't want to be too, like, clingy, you know? I didn't want to be one of those girlfriends who doesn't let her boyfriend hang out with other girls. But it's Lily, she's only fifteen and she's not… I mean, she does recreational drugs but she's just a broody teenager. She's not… I mean… she's still innocent, right?" Rose shook her head, rubbing her forehead. "I'm so stupid."

She collapsed into more tears against Dominique, who was actually just itching to make her finish the damn story! But she acquiesced, rubbing her back and stroking her hair. "You're not stupid, Rosie. It's going to be okay," Dominique murmured.

Once Rose had gathered herself, she sat up and continued, "But I _am_ stupid. How did I not see it? That Lily liked him, I mean? It seemed like she was mad at me lately, and now I know why. She likes him. So anyways, I told Scorpius it wasn't a big deal. Like, you didn't do anything, right? She made the move." Rose took a deep breath. "But he got real quiet. And I was like, 'Did you kiss her back?' And you know what? He did. He kissed her. He fucking kissed that… that—"

"That stupid fucking slut!" Dominique snapped, gripping Rose's hand tightly. Dom was sure smoke must be pouring from her nostrils by now. Her heart was beating a rapid staccato in her chest, and she could only see red. She felt angered and cheated on, even though she was on the complete outside of the whole situation. She couldn't even imagine how Rose felt.

"Don't say that…" Rose chastised, but it was weak, and a slight smile turned her lips up at the side. She sobered quickly. "Anyways, he said he stopped her and told her to leave. He said he was really sorry that he hurt me. But you know what? He never apologized for doing it. He never once said it was a mistake. And usually when we fight, he won't let me leave until he knows we're okay. But I left and…" Rose's voice broke, "he just let me go."

"This is crazy. How did this happen?" Dominique asked. Whether she was asking Rose or herself, she didn't know. Lily was so far off her radar, she had no idea she was even a threat. Now her plan to get Scorpius had gone completely off the rails. Rose had been the only issue, which until very recently, had become a nonissue. But now Lily?

"I don't know!" Rose exclaimed, becoming increasingly upset. "I can't believe they did this to me!"

"Rosie, I'm going to get her for this," Dominique said, feeling suddenly inspired. She leaned forward until Rose was forced to meet her vengeful gaze. "I promise you, she's going to pay."

By the end of lunch, everyone knew why the golden couple of Hogwarts had broken up, thanks to a very chatty blonde in a short skirt.

Lily hadn't planned on going to school that day. She had faked sick and skipped class so many times that she decided, hell, one more time wouldn't be so bad.

But as she tossed and turned in bed, she found that she couldn't think of anything else except… sigh. Scorpius fucking Malfoy.

Finally, she resigned herself to the fact that if she didn't get up and do something, she was going to go crazy. Even simple distractions like her daily routine would be better than her own nagging thoughts. _What was Scorpius thinking? How had his anniversary with _her_ gone? Had he been thinking about her? At all?_

Had he told Rose?

The thought had horrified her, and it was most of the reason why she couldn't get out of bed. But she would have to face reality sooner or later.

Lily showered and emerged from the bathroom smelling like coconut. She used sea salt spray in her hair, accentuating her natural wavy hair but defusing the frizz. She rubbed some cherry flavored lip balm on her lips and smacked them in the mirror until they were no longer pale, but rosy and plump. She pinched her cheeks, but it ended up making her face just look red and blotchy, so she rectified the situation with her "special occasion" mineral foundation. She smudged eyeliner at the corner of her tightline and skipped the mascara. She looked rather like a freak of nature, alien and otherworldly, but she liked the overall effect. Beautiful, but kind of terrifying. If Rose was going to take her down today, she'd look good while it happened.

She spent ten minutes hopping into her tightest pair of skinny jeans, hobbling around, lunging, and hopping until her legs finally fit into them. She checked out her arse in the mirror and smiled. _Success_. She pulled on a black fitted shirt and a black cardigan, with black, almost completely shredded converse. She needed a new pair. She made a mental note, but doubted she would remember.

Lily left the dormitory at 12:32pm, which meant that everyone would be eating lunch in the Great Hall right at that moment. Hopefully she could slip in, catch lunch, then slip back out, walk to the Quidditch pitch and spy on the Hufflepuff team's hot players sweating in their jerseys from under the bleachers as she smoked a bowl.

Lily didn't make it to lunch.

Right as she was about to enter the Great Hall, she heard someone scream her name behind her. She startled and turned around, ready for a lunatic with ginger curls to tackle her to the ground. To her surprise and immense relief, it wasn't Rose who was approaching.

Roxanne Weasley ran at her, corkscrew curls waving and flying around her head like Medusa, muddy olive green eyes wide with panic and face flushed. She grabbed Lily by her shoulders, then with a paranoid expression that bordered comical, looked around frantically. She pulled Lily aside, head still bobbing around like an owl's.

"You need to come with me," Roxy said urgently, pulling Lily along beside her, away from the Great Hall.

"What happened?" Lily exclaimed. She had a horrible feeling she already knew.

"Dominique's telling everyone this horrible rumor about you," she replied, giving her a sorry look. "I doubt anyone believes it, but Rosie and Scorpius aren't denying it, so it looks really bad. Has anyone said anything to you?"

Lily's breath felt like it had been sucked out of her lungs. It wasn't a horrible rumor. It was the horrible truth. He had told Rose, just as she'd feared. And if she knew her family at all, she knew that Rose told Dom, and Dom told everyone. She felt a horrible sinking feeling.

"No. N-no! No one's said anything to me!" Lily's voice hardly ever changed tone, but in her panic, it had gone up about two octaves and was wavering all over the place. Her eyes were filling with tears and she couldn't stop it. Her immediate reaction made Roxanne grow wary.

"Wait. It's not true… is it?"

"Is what not true?" Lily looked away, anywhere but into Roxy's truth-seeking eyes. Roxy had always been so kind to Lily. Roxy had always been more than just a cousin, but a friend, and the closest thing she'd ever had to a sister. And now… well, no one would ever look at her the same. And her whole family would know. And they would all take Rose's side.

"Don't fuck around with me, Lily." Roxy's voice was deploring, and Lily couldn't stand it. Her grip on Lily's shoulders grew tighter with her silent accusation.

"It's true," Lily finally responded after a tense silence. Roxy's grip released her shoulders.

"Oh… oh, Lily," Roxy said. She didn't sound angry. She didn't sound betrayed. She sounded… disappointed. The feeling that resulted in Lily was worse than she thought. Her tears spilled over. Luckily, Roxy saw those tears and pulled her in for a tight hug.

"I just like him, okay? I know it's stupid but I just needed him to know… just once," Lily sobbed.

"It's alright," Roxy crowed, stroking her hair. "Come on. Let's get some food." They fixed Lily back up, smudging her eyeliner back out and fluffing her hair so that she looked good as new. They linked arms and strolled into the Great Hall, like it was normal, like nothing had happened, like nothing was wrong.

Lily could feel eyes on her, and it took every ounce of strength to keep her chin up and her expression bored. She pretended like it was any normal Tuesday, like she was Little Lily, bored of the daily grind and all it entailed.

She didn't look over to where Dom and Rose usually sat. She didn't look over to where… at the Slytherin table. She sat across from Albus and beside Roxanne. They sat close together and didn't look anywhere around them. Albus gave her an assuring smile, a smile that said _I'm on your side. _

She wondered when the other shoe was going to drop.

Soon enough, it did, but not in the way she expected.

"Excuse me, may I have everyone's attention please?" Headmistress McGonagal announced at the podium. Loud talking immediately ceased, dying down to the occasional hushed whisper that slid across the silence like fog on a lake. Lily felt a chill race down her spine. That little bit of intuition that everyone has, that little bit of intuition that _Lily Potter_ had, niggled at her brain until she was squirming in her seat in discomfort.

"I have some very disheartening news to share with you." Long pause, hard stare around the room. Even as her gaze swept across them, she could've sworn Minerva met Lily's eyes specifically, individually and purposefully. "Early this morning, Counselor Onwudiwe suffered a severe heart attack. She held on today for a couple of hours, but in the end, it was too serious to endure. She passed away, spending her last moments with friends and family at St. Mungo's Hospital."

Lily sat up straight, unable to comprehend what she was hearing. Suddenly her old worries were swept away, replaced by a childlike confusion and wonder that overtook her. Someone she knew was dead. Someone she had sat with, talked with, someone who had helped her pass potions. Someone who had looked at her and possibly cared for her. Nia Onwudiwe was… gone.

She looked away from the Headmistress' face, her eyes watering until she couldn't see. She stared out into space somewhere over Albus' shoulder, tuning out the rest of McGonagall's speech. She couldn't understand… she didn't know why… How could this happen? A heart attack? It seemed… unheard of.

Lily blinked slowly, and found that once her vision cleared, she was looking straight into the faraway eyes of Scorpius Malfoy.

Once her gaze focused, he still didn't look away. His expression was blank. His only response was a slight nod of greeting. Her emotions spiraled away from her, to a place she didn't understand. She felt like she was sinking, sinking away from comprehension. Albus shifted in his seat, and Scorpius disappeared from her line of vision.

McGonagall explained that class was canceled for today, and that it would also be canceled the next day, and Thursday would be the funeral, out by the Great Lake at noon. Students were instructed to take today to rest and remember Onwudiwe as the amazing, talented witch that she was. Lily heeded the advice.

She left the Great Hall before anyone else could, and felt astonished eyes on her. _Really? _She wanted to shout. _A professor dies and you're still caught up in immature drama?_

Lily met Albus in the Slytherin common room. They sat in the corner on a love seat, leaning towards each other with a blanket spread over them. Their sadness radiated out from them and mingled between them, like a physical vapor they were surrounded by in a cloud. Scorpius entered the common room and approached them. Lily straightened a bit, but mostly stayed near Albus, still somewhat afraid.

Was he angry? He didn't _seem_ angry.

"Are you okay?" Scorpius asked, not even pretending to look at Albus. The question was clearly for Lily, and Lily alone.

"No. Are you?" she replied. She couldn't help it, the wide-eyed vulnerability, and shakiness of her voice. The adoration.

"No," he agreed. He nodded to Albus who nodded back, and then he left, disappearing up the staircase steps.

The best Lily had in terms of funeral attire was her skimpy black dress with black wool tights underneath and a black hoodie zipped up over it. She examined herself in the mirror and pouted. She looked… bad. Trashy. Not to mention depressing – too much black, even for a funeral. Which was an ironic thought for Lily, since she wore black pretty much all the time.

She dug around in her trunk, but most of the contents were just dirty clothes and nicer outfits she never wore, folded up and crushed to the corners. She thought she might have the modest navy dress her mum had given her for her birthday last June somewhere around here, but she had a feeling it would only be in there if Ginny had packed it while she wasn't looking. And if she knew her mum at all, she had packed it while she wasn't looking.

Lily remembered holding up the heavy blue fabric made of silk chiffon with polyester lining, peering at the long sheer sleeves that cuffed at the wrists, knee-length skirt, and jewel neckline. But Lily didn't know any of these details. She just thought it looked too fancy for any place she'd be going, and if she did wear it, she'd accidentally ruin it somehow. It wasn't her style. It looked like a dress someone sophisticated and feminine would wear, like Victoire or Molly. Not Lily.

But now that she needed it, it had disappeared.

She glanced at the clock. 11:42 am. She was running late.

Someone knocked at the door and she yelled for them to come in. Roxy walked in, looking like a lava lamp. Slowly, Lily's eyes focused in on her and widened. Roxanne Weasley wore a traditional Congolese _liputa, _a strikingly vibrant patterned material of bright yellow and orange. Her hair was wrapped up in a matching scarf. She looked reminiscent of a young Nia Onwudiwe. The sight made Lily's eyes fill with tears.

Roxy seemed to know what Lily was thinking because she looked down at her outfit sheepishly and asked, "Is it too much?" She looked beautiful but sad. Her olive eyes were glistening. Lily shook her head, unable to say anything else. "Are you looking for something?"

Thus began a two-man search for her navy dress. Ten minutes later Roxy pulled it out from _under_ Lily's trunk – how it got there, she had no clue. She quickly changed, tugged on her black converse, and applied waterproof mascara before they left for the funeral.

Nia's sister gave a tearful speech that left not a dry eye in the crowd. Words about her early life, her spirit, her clairvoyance, her talent, her compassion. She segued into a more philosophical line of thought, reminding everyone how short life is and how important it is to embrace each moment. It was all so cliché, but Lily found herself holding back tears. Holding back tears to the point that she had to tilt her head up and force herself not to blink. She hated crying in front of people.

Isa Williams, née Onwudiwe, finished her eulogy with, "I loved Nia more than anyone. If you love someone, you make sure they know. Nia, we love you, and we'll miss you so much." Her face scrunched up in pain and she exited the stage into the arms of her husband. She was swallowed up by his large frame, holding her close. Lily was entranced by the image. _Love. _Reciprocated.

She didn't hear him – she didn't need to. He didn't have to say anything. She felt his presence before he made himself known. Instinctively, she turned and saw Scorpius had moved silently to stand beside her at the back of the crowd. He wasn't looking at her. In fact, he wasn't even standing that close to her. He could've easily come to that spot to stand next to the pimply underclassman to his left, but it was all too deliberate for that. His gaze was also fixed on Isa Williams and her husband. His eyes had that same longing she felt. She wondered who he longed for.

Finally, his eyes met hers and he offered a pained smile. His cheeks were flushed pink, ruddy despite the warm weather. He side-stepped, his hand brushing hers. She looked away, embarrassed, her whole body beating with her pulse. They stood there for a long heated moment, not quite looking at each other. Lily felt desperate again. She _hated_ feeling desperate. She held her breath, lowering her expectations to absolutely nothing.

All along, she'd been expecting things to happen. When they hung out, she expected him to show up every night. When they were alone in his room, she expected him to say he liked her too. To kiss her back, not push her away, but pull her closer. She expected him to break it off with Rose.

But hadn't he? He and Rose were over. What did that mean for her?

Lily decided to expect nothing from this moment, this moment beside him at the back of a funeral, where she felt like her whole body was buzzing from being near him. Because every time she had expected, she had been disappointed.

Her chest began to flush as his hand brushed hers_. It was an accident_, she told herself, _an accidental brush_. Don't think anything of it. Besides, this had to be the most inappropriate setting for Scorpius to make a move on her. Even if it was just to hold her hand—

His pinky looped through hers, and she jumped at the contact. She pulled away without really meaning to, like she had touched a stovetop. She didn't know what his reaction was, she didn't dare look at him. She couldn't hear what the pastor was saying; she felt like her ears were stuffed with cotton.

Their hands brushed again, and this time, she let his fingers entwine with hers. It felt foreign. It felt… really weird. _It felt really good._

Lily couldn't stop all of the thoughts rushing through her head. She was confused beyond reason. She needed reason. She tugged on his hand and led him out of the crowd. He seemed confused at first, but acquiesced. Because they were at the back of the crowd, only a couple of people turned to give them dirty looks, and only momentarily. They were ditching a funeral, after all.

They hustled across a stretch of grass until they reached the courtyard. It was empty, entirely empty, and it felt apocalyptic. She stopped in front of a bench and awkwardly told him to sit. Some semblance of control. He sat.

She lagged a second to sit beside him, and for a moment, she was looking down at him and he was looking up at her. He looked nervous, but hopeful. There was the slightest ghost of a smile on his face. Anticipation. It was adorable. For a moment, she imagined spreading her legs and straddling him on the bench, pulling his head towards her and kissing him without regret. With no one else in the picture.

_You need reasoning!_ she reminded herself, pushing away the fantasy. She sat beside him, her knees facing straight forward. Slowly, she turned herself to face him. Their knees almost touched. She clasped her hands in her lap and took a deep breath, suddenly terrified to meet his eyes. She could feel his eyes on her as clearly as she had felt his pinky link through hers earlier, but this time, she couldn't stop it... or further it.

"Hey," she said shyly, finally raising her eyes to meet his. His hair was scruffy from their spontaneous exit.

"Hey," he replied. "How are you?"

"I'm… okay. I'm… confused."

"Oh." Beat of silence. Scorpius' eyes trailed away before awkwardly meeting hers again. "Is it because of…?"

"Yeah." Lily sighed.

"I just… wanted to tell you something that I couldn't tell you over the weekend."

"Well, I'm all ears," she said, smirking. She scooted forward, and their knees touched. Warmth radiated between them, and neither pulled away. Their gazes were locked.

"In that case…" Scorpius laughed, rubbing his neck in the ultimate gesture of anxiety. "I do… like you."

"You like me?" Lily bit her lip. She tried to stop herself from smiling cockily. She wanted to laugh and shout "I knew it!" But she held back. She didn't want to drive him away just when she had pulled him in.

His only response was a nod and a shy smile.

Once the initial excitement had faded away in the following silence, she remembered her questions. Questions about the break up. Before she could ask, he took her hand and stole her breath in the process with a single sentence.

"I really want to kiss you."

Lily's throat went dry and her panties went wet. Well, metaphorically.

"Then do it," she choked out. Sweat was gathering in her armpits in her anxiety, but even greater than that anxiety was her exhilaration.

Scorpius swiftly followed her instructions, placing a hand around her neck and pulling her mouth to his. Their heads tilted and their lips met, softly and sweetly. It was a long kiss, slow and tender, with an undeniable building heat. Lily squirmed, desperate for more.

Lily became bold in her arousal, running her hands up his thighs and around his waist, where they only rested a moment before trailing back down and up his thighs, teasingly close to his crotch. Their long kiss finally broke and he let out a gasp, pulling her back in more aggressively. They kissed harder and the tone changed entirely when he bit her lip. _Hmmm, does he do that a lot?_ Lily wondered, smiling through the kiss.

His fingers raked through her hair passionately before reaching down and pulling her legs over his. He stroked her thighs and sucked her tongue into his mouth. He was… amazing. Lily was drowning in absolute bliss.

Lily wasn't sure how long they had been making out heavily and petting each other before he started murmuring sweet nothings to her, _you're beautiful, so good, oh baby, oh baby, oh fuck…_

It didn't escape Lily that they were out in public, but she couldn't bring herself to care.

"I've wanted this for so long…" he murmured between kisses, his hand grasping the skirt of her dress desperately. Lily panted hard during a break in their kisses, then accepted his mouth again as, heavy-lidded, he leaned forward insistently. They shared several more long kisses, slowing down a bit and sobering from the initial zealous hunger.

"How long?" she whispered. Their noses brushed together and he smiled, his eyes still closed from their kisses. His lips were puffy and red from kissing. _Kissing me, _Lily thought excitedly.

"Just… a while…" he said, leaning back forward to kiss her again. She resisted, pulling away and her smile dropping a bit.

"Really?" she asked, curious and sort of skeptical. "How long, though?"

"What are you asking? I like you and I've wanted to kiss you," he said, shrugging, his smile gone. His brows were furrowed in confusion. Why did Lily suddenly look hostile? When had everything flipped upside-down?

Lily was silent for a while, suddenly unable to look him in the eye. Realization had dawned on her, too late.

"Who broke up with who?" Lily asked, afraid she already knew the answer. Scorpius' mouth gaped before he pressed his mouth into a line. They were still cherry-red.

"Rose broke up with me," he finally replied, his voice flat. Lily shook her head, dropping her head into her hands.

"I'm so stupid. Fuck!" Lily exclaimed, making him jump at the loud exclamation.

"Wait—," Scorpius started as she drew away from him. He reached for her, but she was already walking away, her shoulders hunched.

Rose promised herself she would take the high road.

She wouldn't scream at Lily, or drag her nails across her skin in long, fast scratches, or pee in her shampoo, or create even more gossip about her. She would be a lady, dignified and humble, and turn the other cheek.

"It makes you look weak," Dominique told her the morning after the funeral, looking vaguely into a compact mirror she held up to her eyeball. "You need to retaliate."

Roxanne's silence was obvious, but ignored.

"I don't think I need to do that," Rose said breezily, hoping Dom wouldn't push the matter. She hated conflict, and it was part of the reason why she wouldn't allow herself to even look at Lily sitting about nine seats down Gryffindor table, alone and more picking at a salad than eating it, black hoodie zipped up to her chin.

Rose didn't know what hurt more, seeing Lily or seeing Scorpius. It was hard to even tell when Lily was upset, so she just looked like her normal self, all in black, hardly smiling, shoulders slumped in the casual manner of an introvert, hands stuffed in pockets and expression bored. She looked that way yesterday at breakfast, at breakfast the day before that, at every single breakfast since third grade and even today, she looked the same. Unbothered.

Scorpius looked normal, to anyone who didn't know him. But Rose could see his eyes mostly stuck to the ground, his lips tightening whenever he saw Rose. But he still laughed it up with his friends at the Slytherin table, and Albus had taken no offense with Scorpius and his wrongdoings and was sitting with him there now. That also hurt. And it made her wonder if that meant him and Lily were on good terms, too. Wouldn't Albus be angry with Scorpius for breaking his little sister's heart? If not, then wouldn't that mean her heart was actually not broken? Did the usual unbothered persona of Lily mean she was actually, really, truly… unbothered?

At least her worst fear hadn't come to fruition – coming to school and seeing Lily and Scorpius holding hands down the hallway, stealing kisses when they could. They weren't even sitting together or talking, thank Merlin. Rose didn't know how she'd be able to handle that. It hurt to even look at them separately; seeing them together might break her completely.

Rose found herself sobbing uncontrollably at the front of the funeral procession yesterday, but not entirely for the deceased. She reckoned that was allowed. She was experiencing a lot of heartbreak.

In the darker parts of her sweet mind, she imagined Lily rubbing Scorpius' crotch and him guiltily enjoying it. She wondered if his guilt turned him on. The wrongness of it. She also remembered all the times he started something with her and she stopped him, too tired from a long day or wanting to study instead. Was this her fault? Had she driven him into another woman's arms? All of these musings just made her cry harder.

"I'm going back to bed. I have a headache," Rose said, getting up and slinging her school bag over her shoulder.

Roxanne and Dominique gaped up at her, confusion and shock written across their features. It was almost comical. It was almost worth the work she would have to make up later.

"You're skipping class?" Dominique asking, snapping her compact shut.

"No. I'm sick. I'm taking a sick day." Rose snatched up a banana and left before they could say anything else.

She paused when she saw that Lily was also getting up at that moment. Her hair was scraped back in a cute messy bun, tendrils of curly baby hairs falling around her face. Lily pushed them aside, wiping her nose very unattractively while doing so. Lily never cared what people thought. It was something Rose had always envied her for.

Rose followed after her, keeping her head up as best as she could. High road, high road, high road. But she felt eyes on them, especially… she looked over, and there he was, looking up from his breakfast. Scorpius, staring at them. But with a jolt she realized, no, he wasn't staring at _them_. He was staring at _Lily_. She lurched upright, suddenly angrier than she'd been when he confessed what he'd done.

She was only steps behind Lily. She could cover the distance in two long strides.

Rose grabbed Lily's shoulder, hoping to spin her around forcefully in an act of intimidation. However, Lily was light and hollow, spinning away from her and out of her reach, like a flighty bird. Lily's eyes were piercing on hers, and Rose wondered if it was too late to just walk away. Now more eyes were on them, watching in anticipation of what she would do. She knew if she slapped Lily, they'd probably like it. Her fellow students wouldn't blame her.

Even with all of the drama and sadness of the funeral, people had buzzed about the Scorpius affair. Rose had heard whispers, name-calling. To them, Lily was a skank and a homewrecker. Everyone had loved Hogwart's golden couple, and Lily was the bitch who had torn them apart. It didn't matter that Scorpius gave in, or even that he reciprocated. In their eyes, Lily had done this. All of it.

"I hope you're happy," Rose finally said, her voice low and gravelly and filled with a fury she had never heard in herself before. Lily was visibly surprised by this. It gave her a sense of satisfaction to catch her off guard.

"Well," Lily's voice was shaking, holding back an emotion Rose couldn't place, "I'm not."

Lily whipped around and left, leaving Rose in the dust. It was all very anticlimactic, and didn't even last a minute. Rose was gaping, feeling even worse than before. Wasn't she supposed to feel better? Had she even made any impact with Lily? What had she been trying to accomplish?

So much for the highroad. Now she looked like an idiot, standing there, stunned, while whispers swelled around her. She clenched her fists.

Rose didn't hate people, but when she did, it was few and far between. And in that moment, with Scorpius' eyes following the small redhead out of the Great Hall, she hated Lily.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Lily saw that the Whomping Willow was shedding its leaves, but it was just beginning to grow cold. It had been a blistering summer and a hot autumn, but only by the second week of October did Lily start layering her clothes with a purpose.

She buttoned up her white collared shirt, pulled on a long-sleeve gray knit sweater over it, and a black pea coat with long black trousers and black boots up to her knees. Her feet were sweating from the wool socks she had worn underneath, but it was far better than the cold. Lily had always preferred the heat to the cold, which was unfortunate since she lived in England. Sometimes she fantasized about moving to the desert and only ever wearing tank tops and shorts. For now, she wore around her favorite hoodie to warm her no matter the weather.

She braced herself against the cold wind whipping at her as she walked around the Quidditch Pitch to the South entrance. She brushed aside the heavy tapestry with the lion of Gryffindor emblazoned across it, mighty and ferocious and up on its haunches. With the shush of the fabric falling back into place behind her, she was enveloped in darkness.

"Lumos," Lily murmured. The tip of her wand lit and the undersides of the bleachers around and above her threw shadows in ragged lines across the wilted grass. She immediately lowered it to the ground, using the light only for the purpose of revealing tripping hazards. Faint light filtered through the slats of the bleachers, the only light she needed to see her hands in front of her. She made her way forward to peer through the seats of the bleachers. Lily whispered, "Nox."

Her eyes slowly adjusted to the light change and sure enough, right on schedule, the Hufflepuff Quidditch team was running laps around the pitch. The captain and seeker of the team, a seventh year named Moshe, had already shed his shirt and was sporting a beautiful sheen of sweat across his chest, abs, and biceps. Lily's mouth watered.

She kicked some rubbish aside to sit cross-legged on the grass, then pulled out a baggie from her sports bra. The bra was more for warmth than support, but it also added as a nice private pouch for weed. She pulled out her tiny silver grinder from her coat pocket and set to work on rolling a blunt. After five minutes of hard work, she lit the end of the compact cigarette and inhaled lightly, experimentally. And then she inhaled and inhaled until her tongue, teeth, and chest were burning, feeling light headed and forgetting each moment as it came to her and whizzed past.

Lily watched each fit boy run past her without even knowing she was there, hidden in the shadows. It was like a two-way mirror in a crime show. She giggled at the thought, a little too loudly, and a second-string chaser with ruddy cheeks and sandy hair paused, narrowing his eyes and taking a tentative step towards the bleachers. Lily slapped a hand over her mouth, trying to restrain the completely inappropriate urge to giggle. She fell back into the grass, hoping to shrink herself so that she couldn't be seen. _Couldn't be caught._

Her head crushed something, and she gasped at the feeling of wetness spreading across her scalp. For a terrifying moment she thought she had hit her head against a rock, but she had been so high that she couldn't feel the pain, and now she was bleeding. But when she felt behind her, she realized it had really just been a half-empty Styrofoam cup of soda.

"Ew!" she cried, wiping her head across the grass to dry it.

"Who's there?" the boy cried from the other side of the bleachers.

"What's going on?" a different voice said. Moshe had joined him, curiously peering into the bleachers, too.

In her cup-crushing, soda-in-her-hair drama, Lily had forgotten why she had fallen into the grass in the first place.

_Oh shit, _she thought, knowing she was probably toast. She might as well reveal herself because she wasn't abandoning her half-smoked blunt.

She got up and approached the attractive, shirtless boys – definitely not the worst people to be caught by. As she sauntered closer to the light, she took a deep drag in and held it in her mouth until she was eye-level to a space between a wooden seat and the foot rest below it. Her blue eyes appeared to the boys, looking up at them widely, hazy and bloodshot. She exhaled through the slats and into the air before them, and they seemed to quickly identify the musky scent.

"Lily Potter?" the sandy-haired boy questioned.

"My reputation proceeds me," she said blandly, slowly. The way she talked when she was high sounded borderline idiotic, like a Californian surfer. If a Californian surfer was a fifteen-year-old British girl.

"What are you doing in there?" Moshe asked, cocking a heavy eyebrow. Everything about Moshe seemed exaggerated to Lily, from his shockingly blacker than black hair, to his Lebanese accent, to his rock-hard abs. Had they always been so… defined? Lily was sure she only checked a glance down his body, but he cleared his throat and she realized she had been looking for much longer.

"Bible study," she finally said. "I have to go."

She barely caught their bemused expressions before she disappeared into the shadows like a very drugged up superhero. She walked carefully through the grass, sweeping her feet around in circles to make sure she wasn't walking into anything. Like a wooden support beam or something.

Lily meant to get to the tapestry and sweep it aside to walk back to her dorm, she really did, but when she accidentally veered too much to the right of her destination and her toe nudged one of the many wooden pillars that supported the bleachers above her head, she ended up resting her pounding forehead against it and closing her heavy eyelids. She was suddenly very tired. She slid down the beam and let her head loll back against the hard surface. Just… just for a couple of moments…

"Lily!"

Her head snapped up from where it was dipped against her shoulder. Her neck ached and her face was written with the pain that shot to her head. Moshe had entered, and she just caught the curtain swinging shut behind him as he turned into a large silhouette. Lily wasn't sure if it was just because she was high, but the sight was ominous, like something from a horror film.

"Are you okay?" Moshe said, breathily, rushing over to where Lily was crumpled against the wooden pillar. He fell to his knees before her, and Lily watched him blearily. She wanted to wipe the blurriness away from her vision, but she couldn't move. Her arms felt like noodles and it took all her strength just to hold her head up.

Moshe held her chin in his hand, tilting her head back so her eyes met his. The crown of her head met the wooden pillar behind her. His face was riddled with concern, those intense eyebrows furrowed, his lips slack with confusion, tilted down in a frown.

"Yeah," she managed. She smiled lazily, and he laughed in response. He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, and for a moment, she thought he was going to kiss her. But then she remembered not only that he had a girlfriend, but the type of guy that he was. He was much more likely to pick her up and carry her back to bed and tuck her in than take advantage of her.

To some, Moshe was a player and a womanizer. However, Lily didn't think so. In fact, sometimes she thought she was the only one who saw him for what he really was – a man who just really, really loved women. Okay, that did sound weird, but what she meant was that he had the power to see beauty in every girl he met. He respected girls, in a way a majority of boys at Hogwarts just… didn't.

Moshe got around, it was true. He'd dated jocks, goths, barbies, and hipsters. But he'd been visibly happy with each type, and each relationship had ended on good terms. There were never cheating scandals, or claims that he was overbearing or uncaring. Just a mutual parting, or a missing compatibility. He was a good guy, and while he was in a relationship, he was able to bring out the best in even girls who seemed like the worst. This was the case even with girls he_ wasn't_ in a relationship with. So many girls that seemed easy to brush aside were cherished and loved by Moshe.

Currently he was dating Lindsey Whitton, a powerfully strong body builder with a killer physique. Literally, Lily was sure the girl could kill her – snap her like a twig. She was tall, about six feet, almost a whole foot taller than Lily. Lindsey was blonde and tan and was famous for her strong beater arms and practically resurrecting the Hufflepuff quidditch team. It made sense that they were together, and whenever Hufflepuff played, you could feel the sexual tension between them if they so much as flew past each other.

The way he was looking at Lily right now, she could see, for the first time, up close, why so many girls were drawn to him. The individual attention he showed her made her want to pledge her loyalty to him, and trust him completely. The idea of his entrance being ominous seemed ridiculous now after seeing his objectively kind concern up-close.

"How high are you?" he said, laughing slightly but still seeming concerned. Lily was hardly ever doted over, and his hand brushing through her hair felt really nice. How long could she pretend to not be okay, as long as he kept doing that to her hair?

"Just a little," she said, her words coming out slow as molasses. She laughed, unsure why she was laughing, but suddenly everything seemed much funnier than it actually was. She became a stupid, giggling mess when she smoked too much. And she had a feeling she had probably smoked too much. An idea came to her that she was in a cave. Why was it so dark? "It's so dark in here."

"Do you want to go out in the light, then?"

She hadn't realized that was an option. She nodded. The simple action of doing so rendered her exhausted.

Moshe hoisted Lily up in his arms.

"Wow, you're as heavy as a sack of flour," he said, walking her outside. The sun had dipped below the horizon and the sky was pink. The color was beautiful, and Lily was distracted by it, only catching on to the last word of his exclamation.

"Yeah, I'm a flower," Lily replied. He laughed, although she didn't know why. Her name was literally the name of a flower. Wasn't that what he was talking about?

Moshe walked her all the way back to Hogwarts. At one point, once they had stepped back onto the grounds, Lindsey Whitton came up to them. She looked amused, or maybe jealous and trying to look amused. Maybe Lily was just being hopeful, or maybe she was really just too out of it.

"What's going on here?"

"Found her under the bleachers," Moshe explained. "Can you stand yet?" He said this to Lily. She wanted to tell him that she couldn't ever stand for the rest of her life, and he was going to have to carry her around like this always.

Lily settled on shaking her head.

"Do you want to try? Because you really don't weigh much but I've been carrying you for twenty minutes and I'm really starting to feel it," he complained. Lily liked it better when he wasn't talking, or when he was just a beautiful boy from afar.

"It's only been five minutes," she whined.

"I'll take her," Lindsey offered.

"That won't be necessary," said a voice quickly approaching.

It was Albus, and he looked frantic.

"What's wrong with her?" Albus took her from Moshe's arms, drooping a bit under her weight. He wasn't quite as strong as the two built quidditch players before him.

"I… I don't know," Moshe said, looking nervous.

Albus sniffed Lily's hair and then swore under his breath.

"Thank you," he said gruffly to the couple, and then headed inside the building.

Moshe and Lindsey were left looking at each other in bewilderment.

"What just happened?" Lindsey asked in her deep Scottish accent, circling her arms around his middle, their eyes level with each other.

"Lily Potter. She was high," he said, laughing lightly in disbelief.

"High? What? I thought she was really… like…"

"Innocent?"

"Yeah!"

Lily woke up in Albus' bed to the sound of a crash and a loud, "Ow!"

She sat up quickly and saw Albus on the floor by Ibrahim's bed. He was on his stomach but quickly getting up, his face bright red and his glasses askew. He noticed Lily sitting up and shot up to his feet, approaching her quickly.

"Well, look who's awake!" he fumed. His voice was loud, loud in a way she barely heard from him. Maybe a lot from James, but barely ever from Albus.

"Are you… mad at me?" Lily asked, puzzled. Albus being mad at Lily didn't make sense. They were a team, and they understood each other. His wild expression and clenched fists was an equation she couldn't figure out.

"Yes! Yes, I am mad, Lillian! What gave it away?" Albus yelled.

"My name's not even –"

"I don't care! It sounds more serious!" he interrupted. She snapped her mouth shut. He continued, "Drugs, Lily? Really? _Illegal_ drugs? I thought you were better than that."

Lily wanted to say, _No, I am better than that!_ But she wasn't. She was a druggie. A pothead. It was all true. She wanted to deny it, but she couldn't without lying, and under Albus' wrath, she couldn't lie. Lily bowed her head shamefully.

"I'll leave," Ibrahim said, suddenly popping up from his blankets on his bed. Lily's brows furrowed. How long had he been there? But he left before she could ask, jumping into a pair of jeans on the way. Albus didn't even turn to look.

"If you don't stop smoking pot, I'm telling Mum and Dad." An ultimatum. From Albus. Lily's anger flared.

"I can't believe you," she whispered, her voice rough.

"No, Lily, I can't believe _you_," Albus started. "I guess I thought it was okay that you kissed Scorpius. I mean, you're fifteen… you're exploring, experimenting, whatever. I let it slide. But this? This is more than experimenting. This is you passed out cold from drugs! What if you had overdosed, Lily?"

"Overdose from pot?" she laughed.

"You think this is funny?"

Her smile dropped. She no longer thought this was funny. In fact, she never thought it was funny. Nothing about the way Albus was yelling at her and looking at her like she had disappointed him beyond repair was funny. She bowed her head again, water filling her eyes.

"How long have you been doing this?"

Lily didn't respond.

"Who gave it to you?"

Lily didn't respond.

The strangled yell that came out of Albus next made her slam her back against the headboard behind her in astonishment. "You better answer me right now or I'm calling Mum! _Right now!"_

His words hit her like a punch in the gut.

"It was just a one-time thing, Al." She couldn't meet his eyes.

"And where did you get it?"

"I found it. Under the bleachers. I go there sometimes to be alone and I found a joint and I just wanted to try… one time. But I didn't know how it would affect me. I'm sorry, Al. I'm really sorry," she said, her tears finally spilling over.

Maybe he knew she was lying, maybe he didn't, but either way he calmed down and sat with her on the bed. He didn't hug her, he just sat beside her in silence, his presence and calm enough comfort for her.

"I love you, Lils. I only want the best for you," Albus said quietly. He didn't meet her eyes, as if he was embarrassed. Lily knew it was hard for Albus to tell people how he felt. He wasn't an emotional hurricane like Lily was, so this admittance meant a lot.

He laid down next to her in bed, her under the covers and him on top of them. Her limbs still felt numb. She closed her eyes and fell asleep.

Lily tentatively sat down next to Albus at the Gryffindor table. She didn't mind sitting with him and Roxanne, but Dominique sat with them too. She glared at Lily for a moment before going back to the magazine she was scrutinizing intensely. More intensely than her usual absent-minded perusal.

"Hi, Lily," Roxy said quietly, as if being too loud would set off an alarm.

"Hi, Roxy."

Albus gave her a gentle side-hug and she had to close her eyes briefly to stop the tears welling up.

"So guess what!" Dominique said excitedly, not entirely meeting Lily's eye.

"What?" Lily said, noticing Rose sitting far down the table with some of her other seventh year Gryffindor friends, including Molly. Rose looked better, dressed in a red cowl-neck sweater with her hair pulled out of her face with a headband. To her surprise, she wore mascara and lipstick. Lily thought she actually looked… pretty.

"Albus' birthday party is this Friday," Dominique said, unable to hide her excitement, even though she was trying to ice out Lily.

"It's a surprise party," Roxanne added with a smirk.

"I can't wait!" Albus laughed. He squeezed Lily's shoulder, and she grinned. Things seemed normal, when yesterday she had been almost entirely sure things would never be the same with them again.

Dominique slapped the magazine into her bag and hugged the bulky neon orange thing to her chest, smiling angelically. "But the best part is that it's going to be a costume party, since Halloween is next Tuesday."

Roxy turned to her blonde cousin, cocking her head and taunting, "So are you going slutty this year, or _really_ slutty? Let me guess, you want to be a slutty Healer?"

"Stop saying 'slutty' in reference to my cousin. I'm going to vomit," Albus said, swirling his spoon through his porridge and rolling his eyes.

"You don't need to dress slutty, Dom. You're beautiful no matter what," Lily said. The table went quiet for several moments, everyone's heads turning to look at her in astonishment. In particular, Dominique's eyes were huge. Dominique's hands imperceptibly clenched her bag tighter.

"I don't – I mean, I'm not going to dress slutty, per se. I'm going as a barmaid."

"A slutty barmaid," Roxy muttered. Dom slapped her shoulder, laughing.

Dom continued, "I'm going for a young Rosmerta look."

"Ew! She's old," Roxy said.

"Don't say that, I heard she was quite a looker back in her day," Albus said. Lily nodded in agreement.

"What are you going as?" Lily asked Albus.

"That is a surprise!" he said loudly, and Roxy and Dom pouted and protested. He turned to Lily and quickly whispered, "I'll tell you later." Lily smirked.

Lily had already bought her Halloween costume with Rose and Roxanne back in August when an obligatory pre-school shopping trip had gotten boring and they had wandered down Knockturn Alley and stumbled into a second-hand clothing store. Rose had bought Healer scrubs dotted with dried blood, a dark red smear across the chest; Roxy had bought a pirate-inspired outfit, and Lily had bought a black onesie with a skeleton on it. It was simple, comfortable, and kind of funny. She had even come up with a bone dance to go with the costume.

Dominique was now reading a newspaper, having flipped to the wedding announcements like she usually did. She was a romantic like that. Roxanne had torn out the comics and laid it out on top of her empty plate. Albus was checking his cracked watch and quickly finishing his porridge. Yes, things did seem normal again.

What she didn't want to think about was Scorpius. Scorpius, sitting on that bench, unmoving. Scorpius, probably missing Rose, and still loving Rose, and fantasizing about Rose while he ran his fingers through Lily's hair and touched Lily's thigh. She looked anywhere but where the Slytherin table was. No, she would not look there. Anywhere but there. Anyone but _him_.

As long as they weren't talking, things would never be normal again. She couldn't, or didn't want to, remember a time when they weren't friends, puffing smoke into the hot air and rambling about nothing to each other.

"Oh my god," Dominique said. Lily's head snapped up.

Dom's face had drained of color. She was clenching the newspaper, staring at something on the page, her hands trembling and making the delicate paper crinkle. Lily could only see the sports section from where she sat, professional Quidditch player Mabel Gould flying across the page.

"What is it?" Albus asked, looking at her in confusion, just as Lily did.

Roxy tried to lean over and look, but Dom wrenched the paper away, crumpling it in her hand and heaving her bag over her shoulder.

"Nothing! It's nothing," Dominique said breezily, dismissing herself with, "I'll see you Friday. I'll be… studying." She stalked out of the Great Hall, looking like a model working the runway.

"Oh, shit! I have a test today! I have to study," Roxy said.

"A test in what? Potions?" Lily exclaimed, forgetting Dominique and suddenly worried she had forgotten something.

"No, Divination," Roxy replied. "I have to go. See you guys Friday. Like Dom, I'll be studying."

"So, unlike Dom, you'll be studying," Albus said, pointing a finger gun at her and winking.

"Right," she laughed, getting up and leaving.

"Thank god, I haven't studied for potions in…," Lily trailed off. She wasn't quite sure how many days, but she knew when the marker was – the last time she saw Scorpius. How pathetic.

"I hope you intend on studying, because I haven't forgotten about yesterday," Albus said, his voice hard. Lily looked up in surprise, but he was already leaving. Her stomach dropped, along with her heart.

So maybe things weren't back to normal.

"And I didn't think you could look any bonier."

Lily spun around at the door of the Room of Requirement, which had just appeared before her. Lenny Gray. Her drug dealer. And he was dressed as some sort of business man, tie and all.

"Thanks," Lily said dryly. She buried her hands in the pockets of the onesie, curling into fists. Lenny was a lot like Lily, and it made her nervous for some reason. It was like hearing your own voice in a voicemail – uncomfortable and surreal. He was short and skinny like she was, but with dark skin and hair. His voice was rough and low, and he said things the way Lily did: sarcastically, or with complete honesty.

No one paid much attention to Lenny, which made him the perfect dealer. What they didn't know was that he had a smile that could blow you away, and a perception that surpassed acknowledgment but didn't quite reach psychic.

"Save me a dance," he said, with that smile that blew Lily away. He walked past her and opened the door. She saw a glimpse of the party inside before she caught the door from shutting behind him.

Inside, the party had just begun. The lights were still bright and the dance floor was empty except for Fred and James, Merlin knows how they had gotten in there, having what seemed like some sort of dance competition. They were circling each other and bobbing their heads like chickens. A crowd of students surrounded them loosely, laughing heartily at the spectacle.

Lily spotted Albus standing to the side, for once surrounded by a group of people just like James usually was. They were all smiling and laughing upperclassmen, and Albus looked happy, too. She made her way towards him, determined to keep things normal. It was his birthday, after all.

Lily faltered for a moment when she realized Scorpius was his right-hand man, and he looked happy too. Completely normal. Beaming, actually. And just two people down the circle from him… Rose. Lily could see her in profile, looking at Scorpius and laughing at something he was saying. Lily considered avoiding. But… fuck that! This was her brother. She was allowed to go up to him and hug him

She looked down at the bag in her hand. And deliver his present.

She approached them and forced herself to only look at Albus as she pushed through the little circle as quietly as she could. He beamed even brighter when he saw her, pulling her into a hug. Maybe James was the shining star of their little Potter trio, but Albus had a way of making Lily feel loved and cherished like no one ever had before.

"Happy birthday!" she managed to squeal. She didn't squeal often, but special occasions like this required it. When they separated she handed him his present. They broke away a bit from the group, and for barely a fraction of a second, she met eyes with Scorpius. She couldn't read his expression, but she noticed as the circle closed again, Rose scooted in next to him.

"Hmm, what could be inside," he mused, shaking the bag.

"James' dignity," Lily said. They glanced over at where James had tried to do the splits, and was now holding his crotch with a look of pain all over his face.

"Nice," Albus said. He reached into the polka dot gift bag and pulled out a jewelry box. "Wait, are you proposing?"

Lily nodded. "Yes."

Albus popped open the box and gasped, just like he really was being proposed to. Inside was a watch. A nice one, too. Her brother was an appreciator of the finer things in life – cashmere sweaters, leather loafers, designer cologne, and in this case, gold watches.

"It's engraved. Look at the back."

Albus pulled the watch out of its velvet bed, then flipped it over. Engraved in the gold plate were these words: _To the bravest Slytherin I know._

He was quiet for a long time, and without having to say anything, Lily knew why. He looked at her only after he spent as long as he could avoiding her gaze, and his eyes brown eyes were shiny when he finally did.

"I'm not brave," he said, his voice breaking on the last word.

She grabbed his wrist and stepped closer, keeping her chillingly blue eyes on him. "Yes, you are, Al."

"No, you know… you know I'm not," he said, looking away. Her stare had become too much. It could make anyone crack.

"Albert, you're brave. I just can't wait until everyone gets to see it."

"My name's not Albert," he said, cracking the smallest of smiles.

"I know. But it sounded more serious."

Lily helped him put the watch on, discarding his cracked one in the bag, and he beamed as bright as the gold.

"Hey," Scorpius said. He moved in next to Albus, looking at Lily then at the ground then back at Lily. He was dressed in a muggle cricket uniform, complete with a navy cap. His jersey was emblazoned with _ENGLAND_ across the front, bright blue and almost matching the shade of his eyes exactly.

"Hey," Lily said bluntly, refusing to look him in the eyes. There was a moment of awkward silence before Albus interrupted.

"Hey, look at this amazing watch Lily got me!" Albus said.

"That's nice," Scorpius said in wonder, examining it. He looked up at Lily. "I got him a first edition Benet."

Benet was Albus' favorite author. He wrote classics that many of them would read in a basic literature class at a higher education wizarding school, but Albus was obsessed and had read Benet's collection completely, and several times through.

"Wow," Lily said flatly. "Well, the watch I got him is engraved. Show him, Al."

"Really? Well, the first edition I got him is his favorite."

"_Punch?"_

"No. Everyone knows Albus' favorite Benet is _Bulletproof," _Scorpius scoffed.

Lily smiled icily, now unafraid of looking into those piercing blue eyes. "Then you obviously don't know Albus that well."

"Well, then, we'll just ask him."

"Yeah! Albus, don't you love _Punch_ the best?"

"You told me _Bulletproof_ was the most influential piece of literature of the 16th century."

Scorpius and Lily both faced a white-faced Albus now, arms crossed across their chests, nostrils flared and ready for affirmation.

"I… really can't decide," Albus said warily. "Okay, I think James is about to break a bone. See you guys later. Thanks for the gift." He kissed Lily on the cheek quickly, then disappeared in the now massive crowd of entertained students surrounding James and Fred.

Lily and Scorpius stood across from each other, not able to meet eyes anymore. However, tension still crackled in the air.

"Nice costume," Scorpius finally said.

"You too," Lily replied. They smiled briefly at each other. The lights dimmed in the room, and the music got louder. The crowd broke up a bit and began to dance, a bit hesitantly at first.

"I kind of want to get sloshed tonight. Care to join?" he offered. Lily couldn't help herself. She smiled in relief and followed him to the refreshment table.

It took Lily one shot of Firewhiskey to be tipsy, and Scorpius three. They jumped up and down to crazy songs, did the robot to techno songs, and even wailed along to the Weird Sisters. She showed him her skeleton dance and laughed outrageously.

At one point his hands were low on her hips and he was yelling into her ear, "Does this mean you forgive me?"

If only he hadn't said anything.

She pulled away a bit and shook her head.

"You still love Rose. How could I forgive that?"

They weren't dancing anymore.

"I don't! What makes you even think that?"

"The fact that she was the one who broke things off!" she cried, frustrated.

"That doesn't mean I didn't want things to end! It was kind of… mutual."

Lily shook her head, still unhappy with his answer. It had been weeks, and he hadn't said anything to her. If he had really wanted to be with her, he would have made it happen.

"I don't care. You don't really want to be with me. I just… know it," she whispered. The music was thumping so loud that he didn't hear her, but he caught the gist of her tone and the dejected look on her face.

"I wanted things to be over. I didn't fight for Rose," he said.

"Yeah, but you didn't fight for me, either," Lily said. She wasn't angry. She was sad. He could see it written all over her face – the heartbreak. It almost looked like he was heartbroken, too. She wondered which one of them had broken his heart – her or Rose. She had a sinking feeling that it wasn't her.

Lily left, half hoping he would prove himself, hoping he would fight for her now. But when she arrived back at the refreshments table and turned around, all that faced her was a crowd of teenage couples, dancing and looking happier than she'd felt in weeks.

"We're going to slow it down a bit," the DJ – who was actually just Hugo in a big cowboy hat – said through his intercom-wand. A couple of whoops rose from the crowd, and Lily noticed that Albus awkwardly backed away from the group of friends he had been dancing with, Ibrahim among them.

A slow song came on, top 40s and all about The Most Beautiful Girl in the World. Lily rolled her eyes. She pinched her nose and chugged a can of beer she fished out of a cooler, her eyes watering on the bubbly tingle in her throat. The tipsiness that had faded away with all that dancing came back in a heavy wave. She ran her fingers over her cheeks and they felt less like her fingers and more like sausages attached to her knuckles. Her lips felt numb, no matter how much she rubbed them together.

She watched the happy couples pull each other close and dance. She tried not to look for Scorpius, but she couldn't help but be terrified that he was dancing with Rose. She couldn't stop remembering Rose sliding in next to him earlier. Was Rose trying to get back with him? Lily couldn't help but think it might be easy for Rose to do so. Especially the way she was looking tonight – she had ditched the Healer costume somewhere along the way and was wearing Dom's barmaid costume instead, which drew attention straight to her breasts, but if that wasn't enough, her ginger hair was in big, loose curls, her warm brown eyes dramatically accentuated with blacker than black eyeliner. She even wore red high heels with her fishnet stockings, making her stubby legs look long and delectable.

Lily felt like a formless sack of black and white. It was like comparing Prosecco and Four Loko.

"Do you want to dance?"

Scorpius had emerged from the crowd, and was looking apologetic, like a puppy with a tail between its legs.

He had ditched the baseball hat, and he had major hat hair. Lily couldn't help but smile at the sight.

"Not to this song," Lily said, scoffing.

"You're right, like always. This song is awful. What do you want to dance to?" Scorpius leaned next to her against the wall, keeping his gorgeous eyes on her the whole time.

"What, like you can just change the song?" Lily giggled, rolling her eyes. He smiled.

"Tell me. If we were going to slow dance, right now, what song would you choose?"

She gaped at him, then finally thought about it. She floundered for a moment. A girl walked past her with a bunny tail and ears, led by Fred in a bright pink feather boa. "Pink Rabbits, by the National."

"You've got it," he said. He brushed a lock of hair behind her ear, and for a moment she thought he was going to kiss her, but then he walked off toward the DJ booth. She gawked after him. Was this it? Was he choosing her?

Lily chugged another beer to calm her nerves, and just managed to throw away the empty can when Scorpius appeared beside her and the song that was currently playing cut off in the middle. Everyone on the dance floor chattered and booed in confusion as everything went quiet, and she looked at him in confusion.

"This can't be happening," she said airily.

"It's happening," he said, taking her hand just as the beginning piano riff of the song came on. Her eyes pricked with tears, but she blinked them back and blamed them on the alcohol. Yeah, it was just the alcohol. This romantic gesture would not get to her. Not at all.

He circled his arm around her waist easily, taking her hand in his. She circled her hand around his neck, and with her face so close to his chest, she suddenly couldn't breathe. His scent was suffocating. She wanted to drown in it. She wanted to escape from it. She wanted…

"What does this song mean?" he said nervously, laughing a bit. He was filling the silence, and Lily couldn't repress her relief.

"Um, which part?"

"The chorus. Pink rabbits? Drinking them?" he said. He was looking somewhere over her shoulder, but she could tell from the glassy sheen in them that he wasn't really seeing anything. He was feeling, and sensing, and that was all they needed.

"I think it's an alcoholic drink. I don't know what's in it," she said, tilting her chin up to look at him. He was tilting his chin down, to look at her. He had a fond look in his eyes. She couldn't stop beaming. They were hardly moving, just softly swaying, but she felt like they were floating through space. The warmth that held them together was like the comfort and solitude of being in the womb. They were surrounded, but she could only see him.

"I kind of want one, whatever it is," he said softly.

"I kind of want a fainting chair, whatever that is," she retorted. They laughed.

He pulled her closer, taking his hand away from hers and running it up her spine and cradling her head, until her cheek was pressed to his shirt. She placed her hand against his chest. Despite all of the kisses they had shared, this was the closest they had ever been.

They danced until the song ended, and they didn't want to let go.

Lily fell against the wall and slid down it, crazed with happiness and giggling madly. Scorpius had broken away eventually and joined Albus by his birthday cake to sing Happy Birthday, but Lily needed time to collect herself. She felt higher than she'd ever been, and she was sober.

Albus blew out the candles somewhere across the room, it went dark, and cheers flooded rose up. Lily was alone, away from everyone, but she felt less alone than she had in a while. Her heart was tethered to a boy somewhere over there. The lights came up and the songs continued, and bodies clashed on the dance floor once again. She stayed where she was and watched everyone, happy. But this time, she was happy, too.

Roxy was now walking towards her, shining with sweat and grinning. She collapsed on the ground next to Lily, her torn-up pirate skirt rustling around her.

"This might be the best party ever," Roxy said, throwing her arm around Lily's shoulders.

"I have to agree," Lily replied, leaning her head onto Roxy's shoulder.

"Ooh, did something happen that I missed? Last time I saw you, you were all dark and broody."

"I'm always dark and broody."

Roxy laughed and couldn't help but assent. "This is true. I guess alcohol and dance music can do that to even the saddest Lily."

She smiled at what Roxy didn't know. She wondered what it would feel like to be with someone, out in the open, happy and proud.

After fifteen minutes of sitting, Roxanne got up and danced back into the crowd, grabbing one of her Hufflepuff girlfriends along the way to dance with. Lily kept sitting, waiting for Scorpius to come and find her. And waiting. And waiting. For a moment she thought she glimpsed him downing a shot at the refreshments table, but it was only a flicker of blonde hair that could have been any blonde.

But no, it really couldn't have – she knew it was him. No other guy had that mop of silvery blonde hair, not at this school.

Lily got up and immediately got caught up in the crowd. Finding Scorpius might be difficult, as she was sucked into the ocean of bodies and jostled around. Roxanne even pulled her in at one point, accompanied by a Latina girl in a bustier and mouse ears. She pushed past them though, and Roxanne scowled after her.

The crowd parted for a moment and that's when she saw them.

Scorpius and Rose, dancing, close. Rose looked sexy, bedroom eyes and cleavage and hand clenching his shirt in her manicured fist. The crowd converged again and she bumped into a boy next to her.

"What the fuck!" she yelled. Her voice was swallowed by the beat, but it turned out that one person did hear.

"Still saving me a dance?"

She turned. The boy she had bumped into was Lenny.

Lily shook her head and pushed her way back out through the crowd. She stumbled over to the refreshments table and ordered a shot.

"Anything alcohol," she declared.

"Wow, something's got you in a tizzy," James said. She looked up in surprise and realized he was acting as the bartender, tossing a shot glass from one hand to the other. He grabbed two more shot glasses, but anticipating his actions, Lily reached out and yelled, "Please don't juggle those!"

"What? I'm a bartender for the night! I have to do tricks to keep my customers entertained," James defended himself.

"I don't think anything will entertain me right now. Just… a shot, please."

James shrugged and looked disappointed, but poured her up a firewhiskey, and another for himself. They clinked glasses and tapped their shots against the table before sucking them down.

"Another," Lenny said, walking up beside her.

"Me too," Lily agreed. This time, all three of them drank together.

"So, about that dance?" Lenny said, turning to her and shutting James out, who was already moving down the table to a pretty blonde in a Greek toga.

"Say no more," Lily said, grabbing his tie and pulling him out to the dance floor.

They danced for the next four songs, more jumping up and down and pumping their fists than anything technical like Roxy's dance moves. At one point he twirled her, but that was as fancy as it got. Her mind and vision was swirling too much to think anything coherent, and she liked it that way. She knew she was repressing, but that was the goal – ignorance.

"Wanna leave for a smoke?" he yelled in her ear.

A smoke. It sounded like heaven.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Lily woke up to a familiar feeling. That feeling when you have a sleepover at someone's house, and then when you open your eyes, for a split second, you forget where you are. That momentary panic that doesn't lead any further than the initial anxiety, where you could never ponder further where you were or what happened to you.

Looking at the unfamiliar poster of a half-naked model taped to the wall right beside her bed, Lily jolted completely awake. And for a moment, she had no idea where she was. Until she felt the chest pressed to her back and remembered the night before.

Lots of smoking and leaning against Lenny for support. Hopefully nothing more. But she couldn't help but notice that she was naked besides her pants.

She carefully slid out of the bed, managing to not wake Lenny or any of the sleeping bodies in the sixth year Slytherin dormitory. Her head snapped over to Albus' bed, but it was empty. At six-thirty in the morning. She shook her head in bafflement.

Lily pulled on her crumpled onesie, zipping it up the front slowly and quietly. Now that she was awake, she felt awful. Her throat was sore. She lifted a hand and felt the sides of her throat – lymph nodes swollen. She tried to swallow and it made her wince.

She looked around for her shoes but couldn't find them. It didn't matter that they were old, ugly shoes – torn up canvas with holes in them – it mattered that she was going to have to walk all the way back from the dungeons to the tower, only to get naked again and crawl under her covers. She briefly entertained the idea of going up the two flights of stairs to Scorpius' room and knocking on his door. But she didn't want to open up _that_ can of worms just yet.

Lily walked across the room, slid under Albus' sheets, and closed the drapes around her. She fell back asleep, only to snap her eyes back open when she heard a crinkle at her toes. Newspaper. She reached down in annoyance and yanked it out from the covers. She was just about to crumple it up and throw it on the floor when the paused – it was the sports section, and across the page, Mabel Gould flew.

This was the newspaper that had shaken Dominique to the core, had made her flee the Great Hall. Something on the back of this page had broken her cousin's cool façade. Lily recalled the way Dominique's delicate, porcelain skin had drained of color, the way her blood red nails had stood out in contrast against her white skin and the stark newsprint. Even Mabel Gould's anxiety-ridden expression couldn't compete with Dominique's horror-stricken expression.

Slowly, Lily flipped the page over.

Loud knocking resonated down the hall, and Philip yelled, "I'm coming, I'm coming!" Like Lily hadn't heard that before. The door flew open and her eyes lifted to meet his, brown and sweet, currently narrowed in irritation, but everything else was about him was slightly off than it had been when they had gone to school together. He wore slacks and a rumpled button-up shirt, light blue. His hair was gelled. He wore loafers, and they were shiny, like he actually _cared_ to look professional. He didn't have stubble, not even the slightest trace of it, and he didn't smell like weed and cologne and sex – he smelled like aftershave and a fresh shower.

"Lil-Lily? What the fuck?" He looked about as happy to see her as he would be to see a tax collector. He looked her up and down, but his expression didn't change. Bewildered, mouth hanging slightly open, eyes squinted slightly with wariness. His hand held the door, ready at any moment to slam it back in her face.

He should be wary. Because Lily was fuming.

She pushed past him and into his flat. She spotted a gold picture frame set next to a pumpkin-scented candle, and snatched it up from the coffee table. "Perfect!" she sneered. She turned on him and tapped the glass with an erect finger. "I'm so fucking _happy_ for you!"

"Wow," Philip said, his wariness melting away and a smile spreading across his face. He shut the door behind him and took an easy step towards her. "You tracked me down because you're jealous? I'm flattered, but, Lils, it's a little pathetic."

Lily wanted to smack that stupid smug grin off his face. No, she wanted to take a beater's bat to it. She set the picture frame back down, this time face down so she wouldn't see those big, virginal, 18th century, Marie-Antoinette-blue eyes staring back at her.

"I didn't 'track you down' because I'm jealous – which I'm not, by the way. I wasn't then, and I'm not now. I tracked you down because I found you out. You despicable piece of shit." Lily's voice was slow, but it was as hard and cold as ice. Philip's smile slipped a bit, but then came back full wattage.

"What did I do this time? You already know I cheated on my girlfriend with you. What else did I do that was so bad you're actually mad about it?" Philip slipped past her and flopped down on his couch, resting one foot on the knee of his other leg. He looked up at her patiently, like a therapist.

She was actually kind of excited to drop the bomb, as angry as she was about it. But it wasn't hard to put two and two together. Lily took a deep breath and said, "You were with Dominique. All that time you were with me, you were fucking her, too, weren't you?"

This time, his smile dropped completely.

"Or am I wrong? Are you with her now, is that it? Or was it last year?"

"Does the 'when' really matter?" His tone, at least, was the slightest bit apologetic.

She dropped her head into her hands. Oh, god. It was so horrible. She wanted to cry, but she didn't want to give him the satisfaction. Every tear she had spent on him was a waste of time. She didn't look at him, but she heard him get up and approach her.

"Oh, Lily, come on – can I at least explain? It was so long ago, I'm surprised you're even upset…" His hand brushed her shoulder and she jolted away. Her gaze was accusatory and enough to keep him at bay.

"Just listen, okay? Dominique's hot. But she doesn't – she didn't mean anything to me like you did, really. We only hooked up, like, twice, right after Ava and I broke up. It wasn't anything, and it wasn't even that great."

"Who else? Molly? Oh god, Lucy? Roxy?!" Lily's voice became shrill and tears started welling up in her eyes. "Did I mean anything to you, or is any vagina fine?"

He rolled his eyes and approached her again, wrapping his arms around her waist. "Stop being so dramatic, you know you were special. You still are."

"Get away from me!" Lily pushed at him but he stayed, nuzzling his head into her neck.

"Remember all the good times we had?" he murmured in her ear. He pulled away quickly, just as she started to relax into his embrace. "But I guess it doesn't really mean anything now."

Lily took a deep breath, looking away and waiting for her throat to stop constricting and her tears to melt away. "You're right. It doesn't mean anything. I should go."

Philip didn't meet her gaze. He bit at his bottom lip, a nervous habit he hadn't had at Hogwarts. It made him seem more human, somehow. His eyebrows dipped towards each other, a line forming between them. There was a quiet sadness about him that wasn't clear to anyone else but Lily. Lily was sure even Philip didn't detect it.

She turned and left, hesitated at the door, turned to see him still standing in the middle of a room with stark white walls and decorations that weren't his. His hands were deep in his pockets and his face was blank.

Lily closed the door behind her. Emptiness. Secrets can suck everything out of you, and she had been keeping this one for years. She couldn't even imagine the pain Albus must feel every day. Standing outside Philip's doorway, she remembered when she was younger and liked to wear lavender instead of black.

The door flew open behind her and she spun around. Philip stood there, a frenzied look in his eyes like maybe he was lost. Lily felt a little lost, too.

"Do you want – do you want some tea? I made some but I don't like tea. I don't know why I made it." Every word he said was stilted, like he was spitting it out despite his best effort not to, but then he seemed relieved by the time he was silent. Like yelling to get rid of the pain.

"Sure," she said, and he let her in.

They sat on the couch, thighs touching. Lily ignored the black felt picture frame backing and instead focused on the seam of Philip's pants. She didn't feel like drinking tea; it sat cold in the mug before her. The mug was a light pink and had the outline of a cat on it. Definitely not Philip's style.

"Can I say something awful?" Philip broke the silence.

"Sure."

"I don't want to marry Ava. I'm only marrying her because I knocked her up. I love her, but not like I used to."

Lily closed her eyes, partially horrified and partially relieved. He wasn't marrying her because he loved her. He was marrying her because he had to. He would be a dad, and probably a shitty one. He was living in a house that wasn't his. She could see pieces of Ava everywhere – in the lace curtains, in the burgundy accent pillows, in the stylish ottoman. The only odd pieces were Philip and Lily, and as much as they were different, Philip in his business casual attire and Lily in black leggings and an oversized red sweater with an 'A' on it that she'd stolen from Albus, they fit together better than he did, alone in this house.

"I'm so sorry, Philip," Lily said quietly.

"I think you understand me better than anyone ever has," he said. What a cheesy thing to say. Lily didn't know whether to fall for it or not.

"You're different now. I don't think I do."

"I'm not that different. I dress different and I give a fuck, but underneath, I still want the same things," he said. "I still don't know what the hell is happening. I still… want…"

It was quiet for a long time, and Lily was terrified to break the silence. She didn't know if she wanted to run or make him finish that damned sentence.

Philip took her hand in his and heat shot up her arm, like a fever. She felt as nervous and surprised as she did the first time he had touched her in third year.

"I don't want the same things. _I've_ changed," Lily insisted, slipping her hand out from his. But she didn't stop him when he placed his hand around the back of her neck and looked her right in the eyes. He looked like an adult, but he still had that lost, hungry look in his eyes, just like a teenager.

"I think there's a reason you came here today, and it wasn't for drama. It's because you want to see me. You want me, just like I still want you. If you don't want this to happen, I won't push you. But don't lie to yourself."

"I want someone else." Lily's eyes suddenly flooded with tears. "I love someone else."

"But does he want you like I do? Does he know you like I do?" Philip kissed her, once.

As she closed her eyes and pressed her lips to his, Lily remembered Scorpius, dancing with Rose. Lily remembered Pink Rabbits. Lily remembered pain. Philip pulled away and his eyes were so big they were all she could see.

"Kiss me," she said. He obliged.

Philip worshipped her body like he never had before, kissing her bare thighs and looking up at her with desperation. She squirmed and moaned as he performed with his mouth all the wonderful things she wanted and had gone so long without. Lily returned the favor until he grabbed her head and pulled her back up, kissing her and flipping her over, trying to get her on her back. Instead, she fell to the floor with a loud 'oof!' Hardly a second passed before he joined her on the floor, smothering her with kisses to drown out their laughing.

Philip said dirty things to her and teased her opening until she was begging, begging him, _please_. She didn't have to say please what, but he finally obeyed.

"Oh, god, Lily, I love you," he groaned, moving rapidly. He was lost, but this time he didn't seem so sad about it.

"Sc—," she stopped before the name slipped out. He didn't seem to notice, continuing to thrust and touch her eagerly. But she froze beneath him and shut her eyes tight. Suddenly, she didn't want this anymore, not at all. She was disgusted with Philip, and with herself. This wasn't the boy she wanted. This wasn't the boy she loved.

Philip pulled out and said, "Will you—?"

She knew what he was referring to, but she suddenly felt sick. "No, no. I can't – ," Lily rasped, crawling up onto the couch and searching for her clothes.

"Wait, what? What's wrong? What just happened?" He looked concerned but frustrated. He wanted to finish, but she was, quite literally, finished.

"I'm leaving. You're getting married, and you should – you should be with Ava," Lily said, trying to hold back unwarranted tears.

"I can't believe this!" Now Philip's frustration had turned to anger, once the confusion had dissipated. "It's him, isn't it? It's Scorpius."

Lily paused in her getting dressed. "Wait. How did you—?"

Philip handed her Albus' sweater, the last item of clothing she been searching for. He grabbed her hand as she reached for it, pulling him close so she could hear him speaking low.

"Scorpius doesn't love you, and you don't get to embarrass me. I could have any girl I want. You should be lucky to have someone like me. Don't come back here unless you want to actually stick around." He let her go, and as soon as he did, she pulled the sweater on.

Lily stormed off towards the door, and he followed her. He started to close it behind her but then stopped to say, "Scorpius is a piece of shit, if you ask me. Pussy-whipped by Rose and unwilling to believe he can be with anyone but her. Don't waste your time."

Lily went to James' apartment, not wanting to walk all the way back home. She knocked at his door and it took him almost ten minutes to finally answer her incessant knocking.

"Oh, hey," he said groggily. He merely wore boxers and wire-rimmed glasses that he only needed before he put on his contacts. They were crooked on his face.

"Can I crash for a bit? I don't want to walk back to Hogwarts," Lily said sheepishly.

"Yeah," he replied. He let her past and pointed to the couch. "There's a blanket in the hall closet. Do you want a pillow?"

"I'm fine with just a blanket."

"Good, because I don't have any more pillows to spare. I have a lady friend over."

"Ew. Go sleep," Lily said. She sighed and grabbed a stack of blankets from the closet, stacking two for a makeshift pillow and using the other two to wrap herself up like a burrito.

James' flat was eerily silent. She stared at the ceiling for a long time, thinking about too much. She tried not to think about the sting of seeing Rose and Scorpius so close, laughing and happy, like nothing had changed. Actually, if nothing had changed, they would be awkward and tense and smiling for show. But no, they were completely revived, giddy and sharing an energy that was purely… love.

Lily had wanted that for them. He was slowly breaking her heart in this way, giving her little bits of him to borrow when he would give all of himself to Rose in an instant. It was pure irony that she had felt something similar to this with Philip, and now that he admitted that he loved her, she wanted nothing to do with him. Time wasn't on her side.

"I love you." She sent these words into the air, a thought sent to Scorpius. Out of her system and into the ether, but as much as she squeezed her eyes shut and held her breath and hoped she had let go, when she opened her eyes she still felt it: sorrow that came from loving someone who didn't love you back.

A/N: Hi, I am not a fan of lengthy (or any) author's notes but I felt I owed all my readers an apology for being a lazy af fic writer. Just btwn you &amp; me, my life has sucked recently; oh, my loving readers, you probably don't care but my parents split up, we sold the house, both of my parents moved into different places, I got back into school, which I am trying really hard at but somehow still not happy with, and so I haven't had much motivation writing, being happy, or generally just being a functioning human. Every night I go to bed thinking about this story and what's going to happen but then I just don't… like… write it down? B/c I suck? Anyways I really wanted to post AT LEAST a chapter a month and I failed that simple goal. If anyone is reading this, I hope you're doing well. If you feel shitty, just know that you're not alone and there are people out there who love you, and count your blessings. I have been reminding myself this every day/every time I feel hopeless. Lol okay this has probably been the oddest author's note ever. Now go listen to some sad songs and cry, it personally makes me feel better. (Some good ones: Don't Wanna Be Your Girl by Wet, Smother by Daughter, Shiver by Lucy Rose, and Over You by Ingrid Michaelson actually has made me cry literal tears on several different occasions)

Scorpius love in the next chapter! Much love to you as well

-Ash


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

"Lily, this is Anaïs," James said. "She's a… friend of mine."

Lily sat at the rickety dining table James had set up with three fold-out chairs, a plate of eggs and fried ham in front of her. Ever since James' "lady friend" had emerged from his room in a silk, lavender nightie, Lily couldn't take her eyes off her.

It wasn't the fact that Anaïs was just as tall as James, which was quite a feat considering he was over six feet tall, nor was it the fact that she was Spanish, with dark skin and ebony hair. Her skimpy nightdress didn't even faze Lily. It was the fact that she was clearly older. Much older.

Lily stared at her for much longer than was comfortable, examining the lines at the corners of Anaïs' eyes and lips. When Anaïs accepted a glass of milk James poured for her, Lily noticed that she wore a sparkly ring on her left ring finger. Lily's eyes narrowed.

James sat at the third folded out chair, a plastic neon green one that creaked when he plopped down in it. He took Anaïs' hand for a moment and squeezed it – the one without the ring. He smiled awkwardly at Lily, obviously awaiting her reaction. So it wasn't just Lily that thought it was weird.

Lily wracked her brain for an incriminating question to ask, but thinking it too rude to blurt out 'How old are you?' or 'Are you married?,' she settled on asking, with a strained smile, "So, how did you two meet?"

Anaïs was mid-chew, so James answered. Lily hadn't even heard her voice yet.

"Anaïs is a waitress at a coffee shop nearby. You know, the one at the corner of Giblon and Shasta?"

Lily perked up a bit and answered, "The Green House?"

"Yes!" Anaïs said, smiling. Her answer revealed a slight Spanish accent and a row of beautiful, white teeth.

"I just go in there a lot," James said, shrugging, trying to seem casual.

"He loves my espressos," Anaïs said fondly. "I put the steamed milk at the bottom."

Lily wanted to shout 'But James hates coffee!' Obviously this was some sort of weird, fetishized conquest, and poor Anaïs had to be the one James took advantage of.

James, again, took Anaïs' hand and squeezed it. What was with all the hand-squeezing? It was making Lily nauseous.

"I was kind of drunk after that party last night, so I drunk-dialed Anaïs and she took care of me," James said, and the couple shared a laugh. Lily couldn't muster up the energy to be amused with them. Drunk-dialed? Drunk-dialing implied wanting to talk to a specific person during your most uninhibited state. It also meant James and Anaïs must talk a lot. Lily couldn't riddle it out.

"Cute." Lily looked at an imaginary watch on her arm. "Well, I better get going! I have some more sleeping to do."

"More sleeping? But it is seven in the evening!" Anaïs exclaimed. She looked genuinely worried for Lily, like she might get up and start making Lily an espresso of her own.

Lily simply smiled and left, clapping James on the back as she walked past him. He got up and followed her to the door, politely telling Anaïs he would be right back. At the doorway, Lily spun on James, an incredulous frown on her face. "Who the hell is that?!"

"I know what you're thinking, but Anaïs is special," James said. "Wow, that sounded flowery. But it's true! I really like her."

"This is some fucked-up Oedipus complex shit," Lily muttered.

"Hey! She's only… okay, so she's a little older than Mom. But 42 looks good on her!"

"Oh my god, James. You're 20. You're literally half her age, plus some." Lily was astonished. James was young, handsome, and talented. He could get any girl he wanted, and he wanted a middle-aged, possibly married, woman?

"Who cares? I like her," he repeated. "Besides, you're 13. What do you even know about love?"

"I'm 15!" Lily exclaimed, realizing as she said it how childish it still sounded.

"Get out of my flat, Lima Bean," he said, shoving her out. He gave her a quick wave before closing the door on her.

Lily huffed and began her long walk back home.

* * *

Lily's head was still spinning from meeting Anaïs when she arrived back at the girl's dormitory.

James and Anaïs. Philip and Ava. Scorpius and Rose. Was there ever anything such as a "normal" couple? Did it even exist?

Being with Scorpius made sense to her. They vibed well together. Scorpius was ditzy and it didn't annoy Lily – it made her laugh. Scorpius mixed up words and used them for the wrong thing, like saying "I confer!" instead of "I concur!" And Lily was never condescending, she just giggled and corrected him. And he never took offense. Scorpius talked and talked about nothing and everything until Lily was sighing or laughing or maybe even gazing at him lovingly, and she fit so well because she listened and knew just what to say back. She knew this because he would smile and look at her, so relieved at her acceptance.

Lily recalled one night when he told her she made him feel not so lonely anymore. They were the same.

When Lily entered her room, a blonde-headed someone was sitting on the edge of her bed.

"'Dear Lily,'" Dominique began to read right as she entered. Her cousin sat there in knee-high socks, a short black skirt, and a crop top. She held a letter in her hand, and she was apparently reading from it to Lily. Lily paused at the door, unsure as to what was happening, but nervous because she knew it was probably something bad.

"What is that?" Lily asked hesitantly.

"'I need to see you. I don't know what happened last night, but you disappeared and I don't know why.'"

"Is that – ?"

Dominique's tone turned from playful to mean: "Let me continue! This is where it gets good. 'Come by my dorm tonight. _Love_, Scorpius.'"

Lily darted forward and lunged for the paper, but Dom was fast. She whipped the paper behind her back, and pushed Lily roughly by her shoulder. Lily stumbled back and tripped over her own discarded shoes, landing on her arse. She looked up to see Dominique standing over her.

"How much of a heartless bitch can you be?" Dominique spat. She held up the letter and ripped it down the middle, then into fourths, and so on. "Rose is your family. And this is how you repay her?"

Lily rolled her eyes. Like Dominique wouldn't have fucked Scorpius the first chance she got. And of course, there was the obvious, new information that made Lily's heart race and her eyes smart. Philip. She felt like it was a betrayal, even though Dominique hadn't technically done anything wrong.

Dominique hadn't slept with Philip while he had been with Ava. Well, according to Philip… and he wasn't exactly known for his honestly.

What if he had been with them both, within the same night? Philip had told her she was special. Probably another lie. For that, she hated Dominique Weasley.

"Scorpius will always love Rose. He's just confused. You think you're stealing him away or something? Look at you. You're not even pretty," Dominique leered. She threw the shredded letter over Lily like confetti. Lily quickly sat up and scrambled to her feet.

"I get it. Rose and Scorpius are the fucking Golden Couple," Lily retorted. She had no response to anything else her cousin had said, because maybe it was all true. "Why is no one mad at Scorpius? It takes two to tango."

"Because Scorpius isn't family. You're supposed to be a Weasley, and instead you're breaking your family apart," Dominique said. She almost sounded emotional, like it had hurt her personally.

"Please, don't be so dramatic," Lily said, but her throat was closing up. She wanted to say so many things, but she couldn't get her words in order. She wanted to say that Scorpius was family. She wanted to say that Scorpius had treated her better than Dominique or Rose ever had.

"You broke Rose's heart. That's on you, Lily. If you meet up with Scorpius tonight, don't expect anyone to take your side when things blow up in your face," Dominique spat. She looked Lily up and down and then added, "By the way, you look like shit. Even more than usual."

Dominique stalked past Lily, bumping her shoulder hard on the way out. She slammed the door behind her, leaving her alone with her poisoned thoughts. How could Rose stand that bitch? How could _Philip_ have ever stood her? She probably acted like a porn star in bed, that's how.

Lily stood and looked at all the little, ripped pieces of paper surrounding her. What time was she supposed to meet him? Because it wasn't even a question of going. If things fell apart, they would be on her terms. Putting her clothes back on at Philip's, she had felt a sense of shame, a lowness she had never experienced before. And the only person she had wanted to see was Scorpius.

No matter what people said about him loving Rose, or using Lily because he was confused, or how she was being a selfish bitch because of what she wanted – _who_ she wanted – she knew, more than anything, that she needed to see Scorpius. Now.

* * *

Rose stared at her costume from the night before, crumpled on the ground beside her bed. Ever since she had returned home, stripped down to nothing, and slid under the covers, drunk for the first time in her life, she hadn't stopped crying all through the night. Hours ago, she had seen the light creeping in through the blinds, and tears still fell down her cheeks without any sign of stopping.

Scorpius had looked at her like a person, he always did. Everyone looked at her like a celebrity, or a prop, or a doll. Just someone who was smart who stood in her parents' shadow. People didn't see her personality, and she wondered sometimes if she even had one. She just did what others said, and acted the way people expected her to.

Halloween night, she was alive for the first time. Her veins hummed and her skin was covered in a cold sweat from dancing. The only time she felt warm was when Scorpius danced with her, holding her close.

Rose discovered the horrible truth, and it hurt more than anything. She still loved him. Scorpius had deceived her, cheated on her, and she still loved him. The even worse horrible truth – even when Scorpius thought he loved her, he never really had, because she had never been herself. She had never lived as herself, only as what others wanted her to be.

She stared at the high heels on the floor, one on its side by the dresser, one standing up by the bed. She had been someone new the night before, but it was too late for Scorpius to see the real Rose, whoever that was. Scorpius looked at her like a person the night before, and it reminded her that she could be one.

Scorpius had pulled away from her at the end of the song, looked around distractedly, and told her had to go. Then Rose went home, stripped down to nothing, crawled under the covers, and cried until the morning. She still loved him, and he was gone.

Dominique suddenly came into the room, looking flushed and angry.

"That fucking cunt! Get up, right now!" Dom started rustling through Rose's trunk, throwing clothes on the ground. "Come on, get up! We are going to get Scorpius back. Lily isn't going to get away with this."

"What?" Rose groggily sat up, holding her blanket up over her chest.

"You're going to seduce Scorpius, to get him back. Lily doesn't deserve him! _You_ do! You two love each other!" Dominique was panting, red-faced throughout her furious rant. "Scorpius just isn't seeing clearly, and he's making a huge mistake. You could have him back, Rose. You could get him back just like _that_," Dominique continued, snapping her fingers.

"He's moved on, Dom. He went after her last night," Rose said, feeling defeated.

"But – but I saw you two dancing! It was fire! I'm talking undeniable chemistry," her cousin argued. She approached Rose, looking a bit cautious now. "Rose, I can tell you're unhappy, ever since you two broke it off. But you could be happy again. Come on." She set the clothes she had picked out for Rose at the foot of the bed.

Rose sighed and reached out, grabbing the green sweater at the top of the pile. Scorpius had gotten her that sweater for Christmas last year. He told her he loved her in green. He told her he loved her, period. Her eyes pooled with tears and she rolled her eyes to the ceiling, trying to hold them back.

Now that she was free to be herself, whoever that was, would Scorpius love her again?

"Turn around," Rose ordered.

"Oh, come on," Dom complained, but turned around anyways.

Rose put on the clothes she had been ordered to, then told Dom she could turn around again. This time, when she turned back around, she was grinning.

"Now come on. I'm doing your makeup!"

Rose sighed but followed her excited cousin to the bathroom. She already felt a little better.

* * *

Lily knocked on Scorpius' door as soon as it materialized before her.

Barely three seconds passed before the door swung open and she was met with one of the brightest smiles she had ever seen on Scorpius.

"You came," he said breathlessly. He looked her over. "Come in."

He stepped aside and Lily entered. Now she was the one who was breathless. On Scorpius' dresser were two cups and several lit candles. A single lily was placed in a skinny crystal vase. Lily spun on him.

"You're despicable," she said, grinning. He grinned back.

"I was going for romantic, but I'll take it," he quipped. He took her hand and led her over to the table. He took one of the drinks and handed it to her, then took the other for himself.

"What is this?" Lily asked, staring down into the milky, pink liquid.

Scorpius blushed. "It's a Pink Rabbit. The drink, from the song. I just, I looked it up and thought we should try it."

Lily was quiet for several moments, staring down into the drink, scared to look up at Scorpius.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "Is it dumb?"

"No," Lily said, her voice cracking. She cleared her through and looked up at him, her blue eyes shining. "No, it's not dumb at all."

Scorpius beamed.

They clinked glasses and drank.

Almost simultaneously, they pulled away from their drinks and made identical faces of disgust.

"What is in this thing?" Lily gasped, the strong burn of alcohol gathering at the base of her throat.

Scorpius laughed, half-choking as he did so. "It's strawberry milk, tequila, and Kahlua."

"Oh, Merlin! That sounds as good as it tastes," Lily giggled, shaking her head.

"I'm sorry! I'd never tried it before! It was more of a gesture, anyway," Scorpius defended.

"Well, I don't want to waste it…" Lily gave him a sly smile.

"Here, I'll hold your nose, and then you hold mine," Scorpius suggested. Lily nodded her assent. He stepped toward her, plugging her nose and biting his lip. Lily tilted the drink back and chugged. They laughed as she pulled away, gasping.

"Your turn!" Lily said. She took another step forward, leaned a bit up on her tiptoes, and plugged his nose. He started drinking just as she began to quietly chant, "Chug, chug, chug." Scorpius pulled away sputtering when he was finished.

"I'm tipsy already," he said, setting his cup down. She followed suit and agreed that, yes, she was tipsy, too. He paused, looking at her deeply. His eyes flicked down and back up, suddenly full of an emotion Lily couldn't place. "Where did you go last night? Someone told me you left with a guy." He sounded hurt. Lily's throat immediately closed up.

"I left with Lenny. Nothing happened," she said, although she wasn't completely sure something hadn't. But the alcohol was making her braver, too, and she said, "I saw you with Rose."

Scorpius' expression hardened. "I danced with Rose. Nothing happened."

They stood in silence for a moment, not meeting each other's eyes.

"Can we just…" Lily trailed off.

"Snog?" he quickly suggested. Lily looked up in surprise, just in time to glimpse his head dipping towards hers. She darted away.

"You're too smooth," Lily accused, smiling.

"I love your smile," Scorpius said.

"Again! You have no shame!" Lily laughed. Scorpius lunged for her just as she turned to run away, catching her around the waist and spinning her around. "Let me down!" she squealed.

"Never!" he proclaimed, just as he did, in fact, set her back on her feet. She spun around and threw her arms around his neck.

"You're so dumb," she said.

"The dumbest," he agreed. He dropped his head into the crook of her neck, taking a deep breath in. When he spoke again, his voice was low, "I was so worried. I didn't know where you went. All night I was wondering…"

"You had nothing to worry about. You never will, with me," Lily said quietly. He pulled his head away slightly, just enough that their noses brushed.

The moments before she kissed Scorpius seemed to drag on to Lily, and this moment seemed to last a lifetime. But when his lips met hers, she forgot that time existed at all. With each kiss, she was comforted more and more, her confidence rising until she was tugging at his hair and biting his lip.

Scorpius pulled away a bit to tell her, "I know it was only one night, but I missed you. We could have had fun."

Lily grinned against his lips. "What kind of fun?" she replied mischievously.

"Don't tease me…" he groaned. He kissed her again, deeply. The temperature seemed to rise, and tone changing to something more passionate. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He stumbled forward until her back hit the wall by his door.

Lily squirmed in his arms, his fingers kneading her arse, her hands scrambling to take off his shirt. Finally, she got his shirt pulled out from where it was trapped under her thighs gripping his sides. He pulled away for a quick moment to tug his shirt off over his head and throw it to the floor dramatically.

"Oh, my Casanova!" Lily pretended to swoon.

"Shut up," he said self-consciously, covering his nipples with his palms and rolling his eyes.

"No! Let me see," she said, gently pulling his hands away. His skin was porcelain, and he had the lightest chest hair she'd ever seen. His stomach was lightly defined and firm, and she felt dumb thinking it, but he had the cutest little belly button she had ever seen. Impulsively, she stuck her finger in it and giggled.

"Okay, you're seriously killing the mood," he said, laughing. He pulled her finger away and returned his hands to her butt, pulling her closer and returning her lips to his. They continued to kiss until the heat built once again, and Lily was panting as he grinded his hips into her.

"Your turn," he said breathlessly, tugging at her shirt. He held her up away from the wall for a couple of seconds while she shed her shirt, no bra underneath. She jokingly covered her nipples like he had, but he slammed her back against the wall and kissed her neck, no longer in the joking mood.

Her hands returned to his bare back. She dug her nails in and experimentally scratched. His breath hitched and he bucked against her excitedly. "I want you," he moaned. "Now."

"Now," she repeated, dumbly. She couldn't quite believe what was happening. Was she awake? Was this real? Was Scorpius really pinning her to the wall, his erection pressing into her arse cheeks?

He set her down and they stared at each other for a silent moment, the only noise their quick breaths, their heart beats refusing to slow down. "Jeans off," he ordered. Lily unbuttoned her jeans and struggled to pull them down until she finally kicked them off. All she wore now was black, lacy underwear. He looked her over, his eyes hungry.

"Now you," Lily said, trying to muster up the same commanding presence he now had. But her voice was shaky with nerves and eagerness. He listened anyway, pulling off his trousers and his pants. She stared, wide-eyed, down at his crotch. "Oh, my god," she whispered without meaning too.

Scorpius flashed a smug smile and said, "Thanks." He picked her up again, her legs swinging to wrap around his waist, like she was nothing. He walked her over to the bed and set her down, falling on top of her and smothering her with more kisses.

His hand rubbed over her clit through her underwear, and then roamed a little too far to the side. "To the left," she muttered between kisses. He listened and kept the swirling pressure there, until she was moaning too much to kiss at all. Her open mouth rested against his, his eyebrows pulled together in a look of pain that she recognized as pleasure.

Scorpius practically ripped her panties off, pulling them down to her knees in a swift wrenching motion. She wriggled her hips until they were the rest of the way off. Scorpius pulled away a bit to look, and if Lily wasn't so turned on, she would've smacked him for the stupid, smug look on his face.

Lily knew he was about to say something stupid, so she pulled his face down to kiss her again, and in an act that surprised both of them, pushed him off her and guided him onto his back. She kicked her leg over his waist and settled herself just over his cock. She locked eyes with him, asking him a silent question. He answered by placing his hands on her waist and pulling her down, just the slightest bit, so that he was nudging at her opening.

Lily took his dick in her hand, rubbing it around her pussy to make sure it was lubricated, and then lowered herself just an inch. His face was blank as he entered her, and their eyes stayed locked.

Lily lowered herself slowly, and his face stayed blank, the only response was his fingers digging painfully into her hips. She wiggled a bit and finally, his eyelids dropped halfway and he let out a sigh.

"Oh, fuck," he whispered. Lily leaned forward and rested one hand on his chest, beginning to ride him slowly, her arse lifting up until he was barely inside her, and then sinking leisurely back down to take all of him. After a few careful moments, he began to meet her thrust for thrust, lifting his hips up.

All of the emotion she had ever felt for him, without warning, crashed together from all ends of her body, every sparking nerve in-between her legs, and every thought of love in her mind, gathering into a warm feeling in her chest that built with each thrust. Her eyes shined with tears that didn't fall, and she tried to communicate all the love she felt for him with just a single look.

Her sentimental side began to melt away as her lust grew, and when he suddenly slapped her arse, her vision blurred too much for coherent sight, and she began to fuck him as fast as she could. Scorpius made a noise like a growl and wrapped his arms around her back, pulling her toward him until their chests touched, her face nuzzled into his neck. He flipped her over, his dick leaving her for a moment.

"I want to make you cum," Scorpius said, guiding himself back into her once she was on her back. Her face flooded with heat, unsure of what to say back. She decided not to reply at all. "Tell me when you do. I want to hear you tell me when you're cumming," he continued, pumping into her faster and faster, his elbows bent on either side of her head.

"When?" she questioned.

"Don't be cheeky," he said against her ear, playfully biting it.

"Cheeky," she repeated, slapping his arse. They shared a short laugh, but all humor melted away as he began to fuck her harder. He bumped her cervix and she shouted, and he dumbly apologized, but they kept at it. She scratched her nails down back, which seemed to send him into a frenzy. Each thrust resounded in the loud slap of his balls against her, and she wondered how it didn't hurt him.

He took one elbow away from beside her head and began to rub her clitoris, not exactly with the most precision, but enough to make her orgasm build until she was gasping and crying out. Her eyes filled with tears and she felt her pulse all over her body, especially between her legs.

He pulled his face back up from where the crown of his head had been resting against her chest, and they managed one sloppy kiss, moving too rapidly to snog properly. When he looked her in the eyes, she could hardly see his ice-blue irises, his pupils were so dilated with pleasure. His hair was messier than she had ever seen, even when she had woken him from a nap. His lips were red and puffy from kissing, slightly chapped at the corners. His cheeks were flushed and sweat beaded at his hairline. He had never looked so beautiful to Lily before. The image was enough to push her over the edge.

"I'm coming!" she squeaked, then cleared her throat quickly, riding the waves of pleasure, and repeated it, a scream. "I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming!"

Scorpius pulled his hand away from her clit and palmed her breast, pinching her nipple and making her gasp in the middle of another shriek of pleasure. He pulled out of her and she wanted to scream in annoyance. What was he doing?

"What are you doing?!" she yelled, frustrated with lust. He looked just as frustrated as her, his erection straining toward her, slick with her come.

"Turn over. On your hands and knees," he said. He was gasping between words, and part of his face looked cautious, like she might refuse. All of it was so surprising, yet so very Scorpius. She obeyed quickly, scrambling onto her elbows and knees, back arched and waiting for him to enter her from behind.

Scorpius slid back into her, and this time, he was the one moaning. He had been relatively quiet the whole affair, his expressions relaying his emotions. Now he seemed no longer able to hold back, and began grunting with each thrust. The sensation was intense to Lily. She grasped at the sheets and let her head fall onto the bed. Scorpius slammed into her, then suddenly pushed down on her back so hard that her elbows crumpled beneath her and her cheek met the bed.

"Oh my god, yes!" Lily yelled. "Fuck me – "

"I am!" Scorpius interrupted, sounding more frustrated than ever. Lily smiled softly for barely a second before her face scrunched up in carnal satisfaction when he plunged back into her, balls-deep. "I'm – " he slowed down a bit.

"Come for me," Lily gasped. He slapped her arse and she yelped, grasping the sheets so tight her hands hurt.

He fucked her as hard as he could, the room filled with the slapping noises of their fucking, and the sexy grunting noise Scorpius made with each stroke.

"I'm going to come," he choked out. "Where should I – ?"

"Here!" Lily said quickly. He pumped one last time and then pulled out of her, finishing across her back. He let go of her waist and she collapsed onto the bed, feeling as if she would never be able to catch her breath again.

Scorpius moved to the side of Lily and fell down onto his stomach beside her. His cheek pressed into his pillow, facing her. They stared at each other in awe as they caught their breath.

"Whoa," Scorpius finally managed between pants.

"_Whoa_," Lily agreed.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Lily didn't wake up when there was a knock at the door. Lily didn't wake up when Scorpius groggily got up, looked at her, and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. Lily didn't wake up when Scorpius put on his jeans just as the knock sounded again. Lily didn't even wake up when Scorpius opened the door to see Rose standing there – she merely shifted in her sleep, tugged the blanket up to her chin, and emitted a tiny sigh.

Lily only woke when she heard a high-pitched, concerned cry of, "Oh, did I wake you?"

Lily startled awake and saw Scorpius standing at the door, only in a pair of jeans, his chest bare. He had the door cracked open about a foot, so that she couldn't see who was visiting. But she could recognize that whine anywhere.

"No, you didn't wake me. But can we talk later?" Scorpius said, yawning. Lily could tell from across the room that it was a fake yawn, which meant Rose could probably tell it was a fake yawn.

"I really… really need to speak with you _now_," Rose insisted. "Can I come in?"

Lily sat up a little, trying to slow her breathing and be as quiet as possible. There was no where she could hide in his dormitory. Scorpius had his own private bathroom, one of the perks of being Head Boy, but she would have to walk past the doorway to get there. The bed was too low to hide under. All she could do was pray that Rose didn't force her way in.

"Rose… right now really isn't a good time…" Scorpius trailed off, glancing back at Lily for the shortest of moments. He saw her sitting up, staring wide-eyed at him, but he was able to hold in any sort of reaction.

There was a pause, and it stressed Lily out that she couldn't see Rose and her reactions. Was Rose suspicious? Was she going to back off?

"Wait. Is there someone here?" Rose snapped.

Rose hardly ever snapped. Lily remembered one time when she was twelve; it was Christmas break and the whole family was at the burrow. The night had dragged on until everyone was in bed besides Uncle Ron, Aunt Hermione, Mum and Dad, Rose, Albus, and herself. Ron and Hermione had gotten into a small fight that suddenly escalated when Ron brought up someone named Victor Krum – the name had sounded familiar, but Lily couldn't quite place it.

Without warning, Hermione was screaming, Ron was yelling, and Rose looked on the verge of tears. Harry looked uncomfortable, glancing at his kids and obviously trying to figure out how to remove them from the situation. Ginny looked annoyed, but also had a sort of lost look on her face, like she didn't know what to do to alleviate the tension.

Ginny and Harry didn't ever fight in front of their kids. Sometimes they would roll their eyes or say things sarcastically, but a slammed door was the only hint that they were about to cast a silencing charm and "work it out." Seeing a couple at each other's throats like that, especially family that were so close to Lily, put a crack in her world that would never be repaired. Her aunt and uncle were supposed to love each other, but there they were, saying horrible things to intentionally hurt the other.

Right now, Lily couldn't even remember what Hermione had said to Ron, or vice versa. What she did remember was Rose suddenly standing up and yelling, "Shut up! Just shut up!"

It was the only time Lily could remember Rose losing her cool. But now, just from the furious tone of her voice, Lily felt Rose might be about to lose her cool again.

When Scorpius didn't immediately respond to Rose's tense inquiry, the door banged open and Rose pushed past Scorpius into the room. Lily clutched the blanket to her chin, unable to do anything but watch the car crash happen before her.

Rose's eyes met Lily's. Something about Rose struck Lily. It wasn't just that she was angry – it was also that she looked thoroughly primped. Obviously she had come here for some sort of reconciliation with Scorpius. Lily felt her throat close up with guilt.

It was odd. She had never really felt guilty for being with Scorpius before. It had always felt right – like she was the one who was the heroine. With morning breath, messy hair, and only a blanket to cover her naked body, she felt like the worst sort of homewrecker. The kind that screws over your own family.

To Lily's surprise, Rose turned to Scorpius, the anger slightly melting away.

"You've got to be kidding me," she snarled, dead-pan.

Scorpius looked sheepish, his arms crossed over his chest and his eyes averted to the floor. He didn't look ashamed, but he definitely wasn't looking as smug as he had been the night before.

"I came here to tell you that I still love you, and that I know you still love me. But now things will _never_ be the same," Rose said, shaking her head in disgust. Her voice was rough and low, possessed by an anger foreign to Rose.

"What, like if she wasn't here I would just take you back?" Scorpius said defiantly, his eyes now snapping up to meet Rose's.

"Take me back? Need I remind you who broke it off? Oh yeah, it was me!" Rose yelled.

Lily scrunched into a ball. Maybe if she was small enough, she would disappear.

"It doesn't matter! I wasn't happy!" Scorpius exclaimed, laughing in semi-hysterics. Lily had never seen these sort of emotions come out of him, and she wasn't sure she liked it. But was it just Rose's fault? For taunting him this way, and making him feel guilty for something he shouldn't?

Lily felt guilty, and she hated the feeling. She didn't feel like she even needed to be guilty about this, as much as Dominique insisted that she should. But now she was questioning everything, watching Scorpius and Rose fight. It was just like when she witnessed Ron and Hermione fight – the perfect image of love, shattered. All that was left was a bitter aftertaste when she realized that two nice people who loved each other could be cruel.

"Oh right, because I wouldn't fuck you all the time!" Rose screamed, her eyes filling with tears. Her face was an angry tomato-red, especially splotchy in her cheeks. Lily noticed she was wearing make-up, her face contoured to accentuate her beauty. The rage that surrounded her tarnished the image.

Rose never cursed, so when the word 'fuck' came out, it was like hearing someone being slapped. Lily winced, and Scorpius did too.

"Is that why you're with her? Is she good in bed?" Rose spat, finally looking at Lily again. Lily shrunk back against the headboard. Saying nothing seemed like the best option.

Rose continued, "Is this the best revenge you could come up with? Sleeping with my cousin?"

"If I was trying to have my revenge," Scorpius fumed, "I would have just slept with Dominique. She's been throwing herself at me since I hit puberty."

"Oh, nice! Insult my best friend!"

"How did I insult her? I just stated a fact! She throws herself at me all the time!"

"Yeah, right, and Lily doesn't?"

"Lily's different!"

"Really? And why is that?" Rose was screaming now, while Scorpius took the defense. But something in him seemed to break and now he was screaming, too.

"Because I love her!"

The room fell quiet except for the rasping pants of Rose, who was now clutching her stomach like she was going to be sick. The tears finally fell from her eyes, and a choking sob wracked her body. The sound was horrible, like it was being wrenched from her throat without permission.

Lily felt like someone was sitting on her chest. She felt like someone had just slapped her in the face unexpectedly. She felt like all of her bones had turned to jelly. She felt like maybe she was dreaming, or in another body, and she was going to wake up and be someone else who dreamt about a girl named Lily.

"I-I-I-I-," Rose hiccupped through each word, trying to catch her breath and speak. "I sh-sh-sh-should g-go," she finished, slipping out the door and slamming it behind her.

Lily clutched the blanket tightly to her chest, staring at the door, scared it might open again and the yelling would start back up and she wouldn't be able to revel in at least a little ounce of happiness.

Scorpius sat down on the edge of the bed next to her, avoiding her eyes.

"I don't know why I said that to her," he sighed, breaking the silence. His face looked defeated. His light eyebrows were drawn down, and his bare shoulders were curled in. Lily reached out, letting the blanket pool around her waist. She turned his shoulder so that his eyes met hers.

"It was the heat of the moment. You can take it back if you want to," she said. Meanwhile, inside, she warred with herself, her throat squeezed so tightly she could hardly breathe. She prayed to any god there was that he wouldn't take it back. She wouldn't allow herself to feel euphoric until she knew for sure that he said it not to hurt Rose, but because it was true.

It was quiet for a long time, and Lily was afraid his response might just be a devastating silence. But finally, he took a breath, took her hand, and said, "I don't want to take it back."

* * *

"How did it go?" Dominique asked, taking a seat across from a dejected-looking Rose.

"Awful," she said glumly, moving a single piece of lettuce with her fork from one side of the plate to the other.

Dominique held back a grin but leaned over and faked a frown instead. "What happened? You looked so confident before you left!"

"I was! I was determined to get him back," Rose sniffed. "Until I found him in bed with Lily."

Now Dominique's internal grin had disappeared completely.

"No way! You walked in on them?"

"No, he was just hiding her. She was there, in his bed, naked. On _my_ side of the bed!" Rose exclaimed. "And remember how he used to put a single rose in a vase for me? A red one?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, there was a single lily in a vase on his bedside table. And guess what color it was!"

Dominique leaned forward, engrossed in the drama. "Red!"

"No! It was white!" Rose's eyes pooled with tears. "Like she's some pure, innocent thing!"

"Well, red is better anyway!" Dom quickly said. "It means love and passion! And roses are way prettier than lilies. And you're way prettier than Lily!"

"Don't you see, Dom?" Rose said with a sigh. "None of that matters. He picked her anyway. I can try to get him back, but it's going to be in vain, because he loves _her_."

Dominique crossed her ankles under the table, pushed her hair behind her shoulder, and scoffed. "Oh, please. He does not love Lily."

"Maybe I would believe you, but he told me himself. And right in front of her, too. He said he loves her," Rose said brokenly, a tear finally falling down her cheek.

"But… but you two know each other so well! He knows all your secrets, and you know all of his! Do you think it's really like that between them?"

Rose shook her head. "I'm not sure anymore."

"You know, I bet Lily isn't as innocent as she seems. Everyone thinks she's just a little girl going through her emo phase, but I bet she has secrets," Dominique said, a light sparking in her eyes.

Rose looked tired as she asked, "What secrets could a fifteen-year-old girl possibly have?" She obviously meant it rhetorically, but Dominique answered anyway.

"Everyone has secrets, Rose. It's just a matter of finding them out," Dom said. She thought back on her own secrets and grinned mischievously.

"And if we do find something out? What then? We'll ruin their relationship and Scorpius will take me back? I don't think so," Rose pouted.

"Well, we can start by ruining their relationship… and see where it goes from there," Dominique said, shrugging.

"That seems excessively mean, Dom," Rose condescended.

"Rose!" Dominique said, taking her hands insistently. "Lily ruined your relationship! Scorpius is supposed to be your soulmate! Are you just going to let her get away with that?"

Dominique's perspective was skewed, Rose knew. But she felt a rush of adrenaline at the thought of exposing Lily for something dirty, and possibly tarnishing the shiny image Scorpius had of her. Everyone already knew Lily was a tart. The whole school was buzzing about it – how she was a homewrecker, too young for Scorpius, desperate at one end of the spectrum, and manipulative at the other end. However, Scorpius still thought the sun shone out of her ass. So maybe if she had some dirt on her…

"I don't want to be humiliated anymore," Rose said quietly.

Dominique squeezed her hands and said, "Honey, you've got nothing to lose."

She was right. Everyone already thought Rose was some sort of unlovable, wronged woman. She was coming out of this situation looking as pathetic and sad as when Brad left Jennifer for Angie. And she had already lost Scorpius. She had nothing left to lose.

* * *

The next month went relatively well for Lily. When she and Scorpius weren't making love, they were at the Astronomy Tower, smoking and talking in circles. When they weren't doing that, they were eating every meal together, talking about their days and ignoring the whispers.

But a month in was all it took for the retaliation to begin.

One morning when she was leaving Scorpius' room after a long night of having sex, listening to records, and eating junk food, she slipped on a stair that dipped down into a slide for three steps. She tried to regain her footing but couldn't, tried to reach for the railing but missed, tumbled forward and did a somersault over the hard, wooden stairs.

She must have emitted some sort of scream, because suddenly Scorpius was running down the stairs. Luckily he spotted the erected slide and jumped over it, running down seven steps to where she now sat, the breath knocked out of her and tears involuntarily running down her face from the pain.

"Oh my god, are you okay? Where does it hurt?" Scorpius practically yelled, his face contorted in an intense concern that only made Lily feel worse. Scorpius' exclamation combined with the noises of Lily falling down the stairs garnered a small crowd of tired boys peeking out of their respective dormitories.

Albus was one of them, running over to crouch on the other side of Lily.

"What happened?" Albus said in the voice a Healer might use: steady, calm, to-the-point.

"Those stairs – they must have been rigged to turn into a slide – she fell down them and – I don't know exactly which way she fell or what happened, but she fell," Scorpius answered, obviously seeing that Lily was still crying and trying to catch her breath. "I don't see anything, but she's obviously hurt."

Low voices of boys relaying this information alerted Albus to the fact that they were being watched, so he yelled at them to 'fuck off,' and they did, except for Ibrahim who asked if they needed anything.

"Get Madame Pomfrey," Albus said in that same steady voice. He turned to Lily. "Where does it hurt?"

Just as he asked this, Scorpius ran his hand over Lily's head soothingly, causing Lily to gasp from pain and Scorpius to gasp from the warm, wet blood that now covered his hand. Scorpius gently put his arm around her shoulder, trying to lightly cradle her head, as her eyes began to flutter and she moaned in pain.

"Lily, stay with us. Where does it hurt?" Albus asked again, his voice firmer this time.

"Oh, god," Scorpius whispered.

"Stop that! You're freaking her out!" Albus snapped at Scorpius. Scorpius' face was completely drained of color, concerned for Lily but not knowing how to handle the situation.

"I'm not meaning to! I just – I feel like this is my fault," Scorpius said softly, as if Lily couldn't hear him if he was quiet, his other hand now gripping her chin to keep her head from dipping forwards or back.

"My ribs," Lily finally rasped, tears still forming in her eyes, falling down her cheeks. "My b-back."

"Her shin!" Scorpius gasped, and Albus followed his gaze to where her blue jeans were spotted with red.

Lily released a loud sob when she saw her ruined jeans, suddenly processing the pain in her leg, too.

"Will you just shut up?" Albus said sternly to Scorpius. "You're just making it worse!"

Lily grabbed onto Scorpius' shirt, still gasping for air and crying, but trying to silently communicate that he not be provoked.

"I'm – I'm just worried! This is all my fault. I'm so sorry, Lily," Scorpius said hurriedly, his own eyes glassy with tears. Their eyes met and she blinked, releasing more tears but allowing herself to see him better.

"It's o-o-o-k-kay—," Lily hiccupped, but was suddenly interrupted by Albus.

"What the hell is she doing, sneaking out of your dorm at five in the morning, anyway?" Albus asked, his voice steely. His eyes pierced Scorpius, angry and accusatory, because he knew exactly why she was leaving this early in the morning – wearing one of Scorpius' sweatshirts, mascara flecks on her eyelids, hair unbrushed.

Scorpius blushed red from his forehead to his neck.

"We were just – hanging out, and we fell asleep," he said unconvincingly.

"Bullshit," Albus growled. "Are you fucking my little sister? She's fifteen!" He wasn't usually protective, or even aggressive, but if he was, it was in regards to the welfare of the youngest Potter. And this was a line he didn't think his best friend would cross, even if Scorpius was a guy with 'needs.'

Lily finally caught her breath, but the pain still made her head pound, her vision blur, and her body ache.

"Please don't fight," Lily rasped desperately.

"C'mon, Al," Scorpius said, trying to sound diplomatic. "What did you expect? We're together now…"

Lily shook her head, knowing that wasn't the right thing to say to Albus right now. In fact, she didn't know if there _was_ a right thing to say in this situation.

"I expected you not to take my fifteen-year-old sister's virginity!" Albus declared, his eyes bugging out in derision.

"Well, it was bound to happen sometime…" Scorpius muttered, his expression uncomfortable.

"Excuse me? Are you saying you took her virginity because it was bound to happen _sometime_?" Albus' voice rose to a yell at the end, and Lily tensed, causing a sharp pain to shoot through her ribs.

"I'm not a virgin," Lily said desperately, wanting the fight to end, and willing to say anything to make them stop glaring and yelling. Also, she wasn't too fond of her private sex life spreading throughout the Slytherin boys' dormitories; although they had probably speculated, she didn't want to confirm anything.

"That's apparent," Albus snapped.

"No, I mean…" Lily took a soft breath, holding her ribs tightly as if to hold in her stomach, which was suddenly nauseous with nerves. She took a last look at Scorpius, his beautiful blue eyes staring back at her with the utmost love and concern. She drank it in, that look, because that was probably the last time he would look at her like that again.

After this, he would never see her the same way. She finished, "I didn't lose my virginity to Scorpius," she said quietly, so quietly the boys had to lean forward to hear her. But they definitely heard her.

They both seemed lost for words for a moment. Albus seemed to be forming a response, while Scorpius' hand dropped from her chin, his eyes lowering and becoming unfocused.

"Here's Madame Pomfrey," Ibrahim suddenly announced, rushing up the stairs with the elderly woman at his side.

All attention turned to the pair approaching them. Madame Pomfrey shooed the boys away, Albus and Ibrahim descending three steps, and Scorpius ascending two. Lily felt the distance between all of them like a rubber band about to snap.

Madame Pomfrey asked her a series of questions, monitored her heartbeat and breathing, and finally told her that she was in serious enough condition to need to go to the hospital wing for a couple of nights. Her ribs were probably bruised, if not cracked, she was told, and the bleeding from the back of her head was profuse and might result in dizziness and a definite concussion.

"I'll need two of you to volunteer to help Lily walk with me," Madame Pomfrey announced.

"I'll do it," Albus and Scorpius said immediately and simultaneously.

"No!" cried Albus, his voice angry. He took a rattling breath and then repeated, "No. Ibrahim and I will help her."

"I don't mind," his companion agreed.

"Not necessary," Scorpius said. "I can carry her by myself."

"Perfect," the older lady interrupted before any more debate could ensue. "Carry her under her legs and shoulders, and make sure her head is propped up."

Scorpius followed her instruction, somehow managing all the while to avoid Lily's searching gaze. She was desperate to know what he was thinking. Everything was different now, wasn't it? Her head spun and her body throbbed with pain as she was jostled in his arms with each step down the stairs. She gently leaned her head against his shoulder, but he was utterly stiff.

They walked in silence all the way back to the hospital wing. Lily prayed he would say something, whisper something reassuring to her, but his face was like stone. Lily could always count on Scorpius expressing his real feelings – he felt them so strongly and it was difficult for him to repress – but now he was shut off like a light.

When they reached the hospital wing, Lily and Scorpius were ushered to a bed in the back, past a few sleeping students, one with a leg cast and gauze taped to his forehead, the other practically sleeping in a blanket of used tissues tinted a mysterious blue.

"Set her down here," the healer instructed, pulling a curtain around the bed to provide privacy. Scorpius gently laid her on the bed, the first sign of tenderness since she had confessed her secret.

Pomfrey directed to Scorpius, "You'll need to leave while I examine Lily."

Scorpius didn't respond, hesitating a moment. Lily swiftly took her chance to sway him to stay. "Can he be here with me? Please?" Lily tried to look as pathetic as she could, which was pretty easy in her current condition.

"Absolutely not. I'll need to partially undress you," she stated firmly.

'It's nothing he hasn't seen' sat on the tip of her tongue, but instead, she let him drift away, his eyes never locking with hers, his posture rigid, the curtain finally swaying until it stilled in his absence.

* * *

Lily had a concussion, a head wound, two bruised ribs, and a fractured tailbone with two straight bruises on her spine from where she struck the stairs. It hurt to lay on her stomach – she could hardly breathe when she did, and each breath was a sharp pain. It hurt even worse to lay on her back, like every bruise was being pressurized with each slight movement. It hurt to lay on her right side more than her left, so most of the time, she laid on her left side, facing the wall.

After three hours of this resting, she had memorized every crack in the brown stone wall. After a day, she could close her eyes and picture the wall exactly. She was sure she could paint it by heart, if she had any artistic skill. She slept fitfully because she couldn't simply stay still, and the pain felt excruciating at times, despite the potions she was force-fed by Madame Pomfrey.

Finally, at around four in the morning, Madame Pomfrey slipped her some sort of sleeping aid in her pain-relieving potion and she fell asleep right on her back. She didn't even have time to settle onto her side.

When she woke at noon on Monday, her pain had subsided significantly. Roxy visited to ask what happened, and she speculated much the same as Lily did.

"It was Dom, I just know it was," Roxanne Weasley snarled, clenching her brown fists in her lap so tight her knuckles turned white. "I knew she was jealous of your relationship, but this is simply too far! You could have snapped your neck! You could be _paralyzed_!"

Lily's breathing sped as she thought of those possibilities. This only solidified further her antagonism against Dominique. Dom's retaliation had gone too far, and now she was missing school and suffering physically because of it. Not to mention the effect the action had that Dominique didn't anticipate – Lily confessing her secret to Scorpius. She wasn't a virgin when she first had sex with him.

Was this necessarily a bad thing? No, not as far as he knew. But it was a deception – a lie by omission. She had let him assume he was her first, knowing that if he found out later it would hurt him. She didn't expect the big reveal to come from her own lips.

Lily understood it was suspicious, too. They were in love with each other, and she hadn't told him that she had been intimate with other boys? Scorpius would probably wonder why she didn't just tell him. He told her almost everything, with a genuine transparency that was reassuring and endearing. She was deceptive, and he didn't even know the half of it. With the confession might come questions, such as who she had actually lost it to. Admitting it was Philip would open Pandora's Box.

Roxy interrupted her line of thought by asking, "Do you think Rose was in on it?"

Lily's eyes widened, part in shock and in realization. Rose had caught them together, and Rose had been angry, to say the least. Would this be enough to make Rose hurt Lily so maliciously? Her cousin had always been so sweet, and if not sweet, at least timid – timid enough to not organize, or even participate in, something like sabotaging her family in a violent way. But she remembered Rose sharply yelling at Scorpius. _That_ girl, the one filled with passionate fury, was capable of hurting Lily.

"I don't know," Lily said, her eyes suddenly filling with tears. She missed Scorpius, and the uncertainty between them plus her fragile state made her overly emotional. Plus the thought that someone was out to hurt her was almost too much to handle. She was surprised she had taken this long to break down – and she was determined to not fully do so until she was completely alone.

"Oh, Lily," Roxanne intoned, her fists unclenching and sliding over her knees. "Don't be sad. I'm sure it was just Dom, and you know how mean she is. Rose is hurt, but I'm sure they're not both out to get you. Please don't be paranoid. I don't know why I even said that!"

"Can I just – can you give me a minute?" Lily choked out, clutching the blue woven blanket to her chest.

"Of course! I'll just let you be. Send me an owl and I'll get you anything you need," Roxy assured her.

Once she was alone, she lay back on her left side and sobbed into her pillow.

* * *

A/N: I kind of wanted this chapter to be a valentine's surprise, but I finished it and I was like what the hell, let's be depressed a little bit before valentine's day, too. On that note, I hope everyone that reads this is living a happy life right now. You're all my children that I cherish deeply for your silent support and readership. Whether you have a significant other or not doesn't matter, what matters is you you you you you! Kiss the mirror every now and then. You deserve it.

Reviews and favorites and follows are appreciated, but not necessary. I try to be as altruistic as possible. (But if you do want to drop a review, here's a fun topic: tell me your hometown/home country/home state. It would be so interesting to see where y'all are from. Or you can guess mine. Hint: we say y'all here in normal conversation and it's not weird.)

**************I made a tumblr for the sole purpose of answering any q's you may have about when I'll post/anything to do with this story or anything. I also give really good advice. I also adore receiving attention. My url name is **ily-jily** so feel free to drop by and love me. I'll try to put the link on my profile. There is currently nothing posted on there but maybe I'll reblog something cool every now and then.

-Ash


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Lily felt like everyone was looking at her, even though they probably weren't. She sat across from Scorpius for the first time in several days, nervous to look up at him. She didn't want to talk first, so they sat in silence for twenty solid minutes.

"I'm not mad at you, Lily. I just don't understand why you hid it from me," Scorpius finally said, as if continuing a conversation they weren't having. "I tell you pretty much everything. Even before… I told you pretty much everything about me. It just sucks to feel like I don't mean as much to you."

"It's not that at all," Lily said quickly, looking up at him. His eyes looked sad. Scorpius could be read like a book, it was true. "I wanted to tell you." Actually a lie. But under any other circumstances – if she had lost her virginity in a conventional way – she would have told him.

"Then why didn't you?"

"I didn't want to hurt your feelings."

"You're lying to me. Why are you lying to me?" Scorpius said, his lip curling at the corner in a way that made him look amused. But really, he was hurt.

"Fine! I didn't want to tell you. I didn't think it mattered," Lily said. It did matter. It was another lie, and he could tell.

"Who was the other person? Was it someone I know?" Scorpius asked.

"Yes," she sighed. "It was Lysander."

"Lysander Scamander?" he prodded, his eyes narrowing. She nodded. "No, it wasn't. Who was it? Please don't lie again."

"Does it really matter that much to you? Do you really need to know?" Lily asked, getting frustrated. She clenched her fists in her lap, biting her nails into black fabric. When had she become a pathological liar? Surely this wasn't who she was.

Scorpius paused. He looked away from her, breathing deeply through his nose, obviously reaching for some semblance of patience. Finally: "No. No, I guess it doesn't matter."

They sat in silence while Lily held back tears. She was so tired of fighting. This reunion was not how she had been hoping it would go.

After ten minutes of silent eating, Scorpius bid her goodbye, got up, and left.

Barely five minutes later, Roxy slid into the seat next to her, tearing into a piece of bread.

"Yikes, that looked awkward. What happened?" Roxy asked, straddling the bench and facing Lily.

"I don't think he trusts me," Lily said. _And he doesn't have any reason to. _

"About that Rose-trying-to-kill-you thing?" Roxy scoffed. "I want to prove that bitch is evil. Like, I love her, and she's family, but this whole Scorpius thing is making her mad! What does she think she's accomplishing, scheming with Dom? It's absolutely bat shit."

"Rox… stop," Lily said. "You seriously should just stop. I did something shitty, okay? I was in the wrong in this whole Scorpius situation."

"That doesn't mean you deserve to be persecuted for it!" Roxanne shot back, wide-eyed. "She should take the high road. Rose is smart; she has no excuse for acting like this. As for Dominique, I honestly have no faith in her anymore. And you and Scorpius… everyone can tell you two are crazy about each other. Rose and Scorpius were never like that."

"Don't be ridiculous. Yes, they were. They held hands and kissed in the hallway all the time," Lily said, rolling her eyes. She remembered reading Scorpius' journal, all of the little sketches of Rose with her big, curly hair scratched into inky spirals. He had really loved Rose, there was no denying that.

"But it wasn't the same. Okay? You two make more sense. I can see it, and Albus can see it. That's why he hasn't gone all protective brother on you."

Lily scoffed because of what she didn't know: that he already had. There probably wouldn't be any more harmony on that front.

"Whatever fight you two are in, you need to make it right," Roxy said.

"I need to? Why do you think this is my fault? Why do I have to fix it?" _Even though I just admitted it was my fault. _

"I don't know why I even try," her cousin sighed, getting up and stalking back over to the Hufflepuff table.

Roxy was right. She and Scorpius were different.

Rose stared up at the gauzy canopy that hid her crying form from the rest of the room. Tears slid down either side of her face, and had been consistently, ever since she came to the horrible realization that it was over. Officially and completely, devastatingly, over.

She and Scorpius would never make love again, or kiss again, or hold hands again, or probably even smile at each other again. She had ruined it. If he didn't know she was one of the co-conspirators behind Lily's fall, he would figure out soon enough.

While trying to figure out the person she really was, she became someone awful. As much as she loved Dominique and valued her friendship, she didn't want to be like Dominique. It wasn't anything personal against her cousin – in fact, she really didn't want to be like anyone else, at all. When she pictured each of her female cousins: Roxanne, Dominique, Victoire, Lily, Lucy, and Molly, she pictured six very different people. They were each one in a million. Rose felt utterly simple compared to them. Even compared to Lucy, who was mousy and found her favorite hobby in claymation. At least it gave her some character.

Even when she had caught Scorpius in bed with Lily, she still had the hope that he was just caught up in the excitement of something new – that he'd soon realize how good he had it, and how Lily was just a detour from the main path that would lead him back to Rose. But as time passed, and Lily and Scorpius became more brazenly public and happy in their relationship, Rose felt her resentment come to a peak.

Rose started to think that maybe she really, really hated Lily. She felt Lily deserved some major comeuppance. Some minor pranks wouldn't hurt, right? What if Lily's hairbrush had razors in it, so that when she brushed it, thick locks came out? What if some puking pastilles made it into her porridge while she ate breakfast with Scorpius? What if she mysteriously fell down some stairs and embarrassed herself in front of all the Slytherin boys, including Scorpius? What if Scorpius saw how silly this new relationship was and came back to Rose?

None of this worked out. Lily didn't even own a hairbrush. She was too busy talking and laughing with Scorpius to even eat her porridge. And when she fell down the stairs, she didn't embarrass herself at all – all she did was seriously injure herself, gaining all the attention from Scorpius that Rose had been trying to steal away.

Maybe skipping class half the time was the real Rose, she convinced herself as two hours passed, class began, and she still hadn't gotten out of bed.

Maybe being unpopular, single, and heartbroken was the real Rose. She just didn't want to accept it quite yet.

Lily sat on Albus' bed after class, waiting for him to show up. Only Lenny (of all people) had come through the dorm during the day, and he only nodded awkwardly at her before avoiding eye contact completely.

Ibrahim came in first, unaccompanied and with bags under his eyes.

"Hey!" Lily said a little too loudly.

He jumped, almost losing the books he was balancing in his arms. He smiled when he spotted her and responded, "Hey, Lily! Feeling better?"

"I'm feeling a lot better, thanks," she chirped, faking a bright smile to match his. She did not need pity right now. Or negativity. "Have you seen Albus today?" The question was useless, because she knew the answer would be yes.

"Yes," he replied. "He stopped to talk to Scorpius, actually. I bet you could catch them both right now, just down the stairs. Double-whammy." He smiled brightly, unaware that she would rather not join that (probably) tense conversation happening at the bottom of the stairs.

"Oh. I'll just wait for him to come up, then," Lily muttered. She leaned back against Albus' pillows, trying to look casual.

Albus eventually entered the room, however, Scorpius was right behind him, looking harried and out-of-breath. The pair stopped in their tracks when they spotted Lily waiting, and Lily froze when she spotted them stopping in their tracks.

"Oh, hey, sis. How are you?" Albus asked, almost looking suspicious as he slid his eyes from Scorpius to Lily.

"I'm fine. I just wanted to say hi," she answered, her eyes frozen on Scorpius, who had now recovered his breath, but still looked rather harried. "What are you two up to?"

"Albus wanted to have a 'discussion,'" Scorpius said, actually using air-quotes around the word _discussion_.

"I thought it would be beneficial to our friendship. I think…" Albus narrowed his eyes on Lily as he seemed to be forming a plan in his mind, "it would also be beneficial if you sat in on that discussion."

"I'll go," Ibrahim declared, looking all too aware of what this discussion actually entailed. And so he left quickly, giving Albus a pat on the shoulder as a goodbye.

"Sounds _super_ beneficial," Lily quipped.

"Lily doesn't have to be here," Scorpius said, his eyes shooting daggers at Albus. The pink tinging his ears and cheeks indicated to Lily that he was… embarrassed? Whatever this discussion was, it couldn't be anything other than painful for Scorpius, considering the last interaction she had witnessed between them was Albus realizing his best friend had been sleeping with his little sister.

Lily was no expert on male relationships, but she was hyperaware that this was a no-no. She found this out when she heard the love story of her parents for the first time, and the fear that her father had for his and Uncle Ron's friendship. However, that relationship had worked out quite well. So far, Scorpius and Lily's was off to a rocky start. And a quite rocky middle.

"She definitely doesn't have to, but it seems like the fates wanted her to be here, and here she is," Albus said mystically.

"Okay, Trelawney," Lily groaned. Scorpius let out a sharp laugh, glanced at Lily's surprised expression, and then went back to his stony demeanor he had assumed since entering the room. But Lily couldn't help but smile at this small instance of Scorpius not being suspicious of her, or annoyed with her, or upset with her. Really, she would accept any positive emoting on his end.

"Sit here," Albus ordered, pointing to the bed adjacent to his own. Scorpius followed his order, and Albus pulled his trunk between the two beds to create a triangle seating arrangement between the three of them. Albus sat and sighed, his back ramrod straight and his eyes meeting first Lily's, then his friend's.

"Scorpius, I want to start out by saying that you've always been my best friend, besides… you know. But he doesn't really count because… you know," Albus rambled, then cleared his throat. "What I'm trying to say is… you're my close friend. I've always trusted you with my secrets, and you've always trusted me with yours. Whenever I needed someone to talk to, you were always there for me. I guess I never thought this," Albus gestured between the couple, "would happen."

"I didn't expect it to happen either—," Scorpius started, but was interrupted by Albus' raised hand.

"I know. I trusted you to take care of Lily, because Lily is literally the best person I know."

Lily rolled her eyes up to the ceiling as she felt tears coming. She clasped her shaking hands together between her thighs. _This sucks, _she thought. She had already felt horrible for so many things when it came to loving Scorpius, but she'd never even thought that deeply about Albus' close friendship with him. Was she really that selfish?

Albus continued, "So I guess I was more than a little surprised when I found out Lily wasn't being taken care of in the way I thought she was going to be taken care of by her first ever boyfriend."

Scorpius looked rotten with guilt, and wouldn't meet Lily's eyes. She knew what he was thinking: _Shit, I've really fucked it up now._ Or something along those lines.

"I'm so sorry, Albus. I didn't even think of it that way," Scorpius admitted.

"Um, wait," Lily interrupted, her eyebrows drawing together. "Did I miss the memo where I'm some sort of princess? Scorpius has never treated me in a way that I didn't want him to treat me. And last time I checked, Albus, you lost your virginity when you were fifteen."

Scorpius turned red and shot her a look like, _you aren't helping!_

"But Lily, you deserve to be with someone who is going to respect that sort of—," Albus began, but Lily cut him off.

"Scorpius has always respected me. In fact, sometimes I think he might be the only person who truly respects me." Lily looked Scorpius directly in his eyes as she said this, and he finally met her eyes for more than half a second. He seemed transfixed on her for a moment before he shook his head and looked down.

"Lily, you don't get it, because you're not a guy. You'll never truly understand what goes on in guys' heads. Scorpius, as great of a guy that he is, is still just guy," Albus continued.

Now Scorpius cut in, looking just as skeptical as Lily had moments before. "Okay, no. I really care about Lily. I would never be with her just to get in her pants. I really like her."

"Still?" Lily couldn't help but ask. Her desperate eyes searched his face, and suddenly Albus' presence really didn't matter anymore.

"Of course. That kind of stuff doesn't just go away," Scorpius confessed, although he sounded reluctant to say it.

"I never meant to lie to you. I just wanted you to see me as a good person," Lily said, her voice dropping. Looking at Scorpius and realizing she could lose him, she felt that nothing else really mattered to her. If she told him the truth and he didn't want her anymore, then was he even right for her?

Scorpius cracked a wry smile. "I've always thought you were a good person, even when you're kind of a flawed person. I guess I just don't get why you would lie about something like that. Is it because you think I'll think you're a… slut? Or something? Because I don't, and I would have no right to think that, given that I was with someone else before you, too."

Lily looked away, her eyes becoming moist with tears. It could go one of two ways – be seen as the homewrecker, or be seen as the victim. She didn't like either option.

"I want to be honest with you," Lily started. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. The silence afterward stretched on so long that the three of them began to believe that Lily might not say anything at all. "Fine! I'll say it. I've been with another person, yes. I've been with multiple other people."

"The number doesn't matter," Scorpius quickly said. "I mean, I'd rather not know the number, if that's alright." Lily let out a little laugh, and Scorpius chuckled, too. Relief filled the space between them.

"Well, that's good news to hear!" Albus said sarcastically. "I don't know why that was such a big secret in the first place, but…"

"Wait," Scorpius stopped Albus mid-sentence. "That wasn't the big secret, was it?"

Damn. No, it wasn't the big secret. If Scorpius knew she had been lying earlier, of course he would spot the omission now. She really had intended on disclosing everything, but once Albus conveniently interrupted, she had felt free again.

She recalled the last time she had seen Philip, telling her Scorpius would never really love her and slamming the door on her. Just thinking about the fact that she had given into him made her skin crawl. She didn't feel the need to rehash it, ever.

"I-I-," Lily stuttered. She sighed and dropped her head into her hands. She considered fainting. Or maybe having an actual panic attack. She could probably have an actual panic attack right then.

"Whatever it is, Lily," Scorpius said, reaching out and laying a hand over her knee, "I won't judge you for it."

"We've all done things we aren't proud of," Albus said. "In fact, one time—"

"Actually, can you leave?" Scorpius interrupted. Albus jumped, turning to him in surprise.

"Excuse me? Lily is my sister! I have a right to be here for her. Right, Lily?"

"Actually, it would be awesome if you left," Lily agreed.

The room was silent as Albus huffed and shook his head at them. "Fine! Just take over my carefully planned discussion. It wasn't even beneficial anyways." He got up and stormed out, but neither Lily nor Scorpius seemed to care.

Scorpius switched from the adjacent bed to Albus'. The space between them shrunk as they slid closer together. He put his arm around her, and suddenly, she felt brave. She looked up at him and smiled, happy again for what felt like an eternity.

Lily wanted to tell him she loved him, but now wasn't the time. She needed his reaction from this, and then she would know for sure.

"So," Lily started. "Do you remember Philip? He was head boy, and you told me Rose made a pass at him?"

Scorpius' eyebrows scrunched, and he didn't reply, but she recognized comprehension in his eyes. He seemed as if he was waiting for the story to turn elsewhere, for a new name to crop up, but no, Philip's name was the one.

"He was the first person I ever had sex with," Lily breathed. She still felt tense, waiting for him to respond.

"Oh, my god," Scorpius finally said. "But he's much older, right? How did you two even meet?"

"We didn't meet recently. We met at Hogwarts," she said slowly. She didn't want it to dawn on him, but it was only a matter of seconds before it did.

"Oh. Wait. So he visited?" Scorpius sounded desperate, trying to grasp for some sense of reason in a situation that really didn't make sense.

"No, we both attended Hogwarts at the time," she admitted. "The beginning of my third year, and he was in his—"

"You were twelve?" he interrupted, his voice hoarse.

"No, I was thirteen," she snapped, not meaning to sound defensive but sounding guilty. She _was_ guilty. His arm dropped from her shoulder and he turned his head slightly away from her. His expression looked similar to when he was trying to solve a hard arithmetic.

"And he was seventeen?"

"Eighteen," she replied softly. She'd made a mistake. She should have lied again. Would he have believed her if she'd lied again, but cried? She should have fake-cried and lied about losing her virginity to someone's boyfriend, someone recent and someone her own age.

"That's… awful," he whispered. He finally turned back to her, looking concerned. "You don't have to tell me anything else if you don't want to, but… was he violent? It's not too late to report him."

Lily blinked up at him, confused for a moment. "Wait. No, I think you're getting the wrong idea. We had… relations. For months! I mean. He didn't – it wasn't like he—," she shook her head and waved her hands frantically as she tried to get that damned concerned expression off his face. "No, you see, it was like this: we – Philip and I—"

"You don't seriously believe that this was a consensual relationship, do you?" Scorpius laughed, the noise sounding harsh. Her eyes widened in surprise at him, and he quickly backtracked. "Sorry, I don't mean to sound condescending, but he was way too old for you. And obviously manipulating you, because he was in a relationship with Ava that whole time. I remember because I had a huge crush on Rose, and Rose had a huge crush on Philip, who was conveniently unavailable." Scorpius swallowed and then shook his head and then sighed. He looked around, as if asking an imaginary audience for help.

"Philip doesn't see me like that. I've always been mature for my age," Lily said in defense.

"Oh, does Philip still see you, then?" Scorpius asked, sounding amused. Why was he so fucking amused?

"No! No, but, okay, I did see him kind of recently," Lily acquiesced. "But it didn't matter, and it only made me realize how much I wanted to be with you."

Scorpius froze, looking as if he'd been slapped. "You cheated on me?" he asked, his voice breaking.

"No! Oh Merlin, no! I would never cheat on you. I loved you before you even saw me as anything other than a friend. Why would I throw that away for someone who's getting married?"

"Oh, so you two didn't have sex?"

"No, we didn't!" Lily exclaimed. Scorpius spotted the lie and shot up from his seat. Lily grabbed at his arm desperately. "Wait – okay, we did, but we weren't technically together! It was after the Halloween party, when you and Rose were all happy and dancing together. It drove me mad and I got super jealous. I felt so alone, I – wait, please, don't go—!"

Lily was crying, she couldn't stop the shrill in her voice, and she watched as the guy she loved shook her off and walked away. She wouldn't let him go. She couldn't.

"Please!" she shrieked, shooting up from her seat and blocking his way.

"Halloween, we weren't together? Really? You know what I remember when I remember Halloween? I remember you dancing with me to Pink Rabbits, and I remember thinking about you and only you the rest of the night. And you were off with Philip? You sought him out?" Scorpius had built up to yelling by the end of his outburst. More tears flooded her eyes and he looked slightly apologetic for it, but ultimately, still upset.

Lily wanted to tell him about how she had seen him dancing with Rose, and how good they had looked together, but now it seemed stupid and petty to say. The words got caught in her throat. What evidence did she really have that he didn't want to be with her that night? His breakup had been fresh and he wanted to be sensitive to Rose's feelings, she knew that.

She was lost. She had blown it. She was in the wrong.

Scorpius laid his hands on her shoulders and pulled her close, and she wanted nothing more than to collapse into his arms and cry her apologies out, but that wasn't his intention. He held her a foot away so he could look her in the eyes as he spoke.

"What Philip did to you in third year? Not okay. Not okay, at all. And I don't blame you for it, and I don't judge you for it. I also don't pity you for it, because I know you, and I know you wouldn't want to ever be pitied. But Lily… please don't ever think that what you two did together in any way resembles a romantic relationship, because it doesn't."

"We loved each other," Lily said. It sounded pathetic, even to her own ears. Her tears had stopped, but her voice still sounded like gravel.

"I can't recall what you were like then, but no thirteen year old, no matter how mature they seem, is ready to have sex with an eighteen year old. It just… isn't right."

"I don't want to talk about the past anymore," Lily pleaded, knowing there was no point in trying to validate what she and Philip had once upon a time to Scorpius. "I just want to be with you."

Lily leaned forward and up on her tiptoes to kiss him, but he pulled away, dropping his hands from her shoulders. A moment of silence passed between them where Scorpius stared at the wooden floor between their feet, and where Lily looked up at him in sad confusion.

"What's wrong?" Lily said, the tears beginning to build back up again.

"Maybe Albus is right," Scorpius said quietly.

"Albus? Wait, didn't we both just agree that he's an idiot?"

"No, I mean… I'm seventeen and you're fifteen. I shouldn't be treating you like you're…"

"Like I'm what?" Lily prompted, taking his hand and stepping closer so he was forced to look at her.

"Like you're all grown up. Like you're ready to have a sexual relationship with someone," Scorpius said.

"Are you kidding me? We've had sex how many times, and now you're saying you shouldn't have?" Lily's voice reached a hysterical volume and she gladly stepped back from Scorpius.

"What do I have to do, Scorpius? What do I have to do to deserve you? I'm never going to be your age. I'm always going to be younger than you. And I'm never going to be sweet little studious Rose, I'm always going to be _me!_ All I've ever done is love you and support you, even when you were hung up on Rose, even when you tried to push me away. I just told you a secret I've never told anyone, just because I wanted to prove to you that I could be honest with you! That I would be selfless, for _you!"_

Lily let out a sob. "Well?" she asked, frustrated. "This is your last chance. I thought you loved me. Was it a lie or not?"

Scorpius glared at her, but he seemed to almost be glaring past her. His eyes shone, like he might cry, too. "It wasn't a lie, okay? I love you!" Scorpius shouted. "I want to be with you so bad."

"Then stop letting shit get in the way and just be with me," she said sharply, turning to go.

Scorpius' hand grabbed her shoulder and spun her around, and suddenly his arms wrapped around her and he was burying his nose in her hair.

Lily froze, surprised. Slowly, she wrapped her arms around him, too.

"Is this a goodbye hug?" she said softly, her throat sore and aching. She felt her heart breaking, because it seemed like he was saying goodbye.

He said something muffled into her hair, and she pulled away. "What?"

"I said, no. This isn't a goodbye hug. This is a 'no shit in the way' hug. I don't know why, but for some reason I keep sabotaging this relationship, accidentally or not."

"No," she said softly, "I also keep doing that. It's not all your fault."

"I think there are other forces at play, too," he admitted. Neither of them said her name, but they both knew who. "I'm sorry for blowing up. There was really no reason to. I guess I was just jealous… not about the first bit, but about the Halloween bit."

"That was so stupid of me. You have no idea how stupid I can be," Lily said, wanting to cry out of relief.

"I don't think you're stupid, Lily. Let's just go to bed and we can talk in the morning, figure everything out. Does that sound okay?" Scorpius asked.

The tone had shifted so drastically that Lily's blood was still slowing it's pumping by the time she replied, "That sounds perfect."

Albus jumped when the door to the seventh year Slytherin dormitory opened. Ibrahim now stood beside him, looking concerned when the couple exited.

"I heard yelling. Is everything okay?" Albus asked.

"Everything is fine," Lily said. Scorpius smiled down at her.

"I'll see you later," Scorpius whispered into her ear.

"Tomorrow," she agreed.

He brushed his fingers over hers and then ascended up the steps to his dorm.

"So what was the big secret?" Albus asked once Scorpius' door shut.

"Oh, fuck off," Lily snapped, still smiling, and skipped down the stairs to head back to Gryffindor tower.

* * *

Wow, definitely meant to update this in February. So sorry for the very, very late update. In other news, happy belated first birthday to Innocence!  
Hope you enjoyed and please drop a review or a favorite! Maybe give me a book recommendation or something. I'm always looking for new books to read.

I still love every one of you beautiful, beautiful readers.

-Ash


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

Lily had no idea what it was like to be in a normal relationship, so she was pleased to find that it was utterly amazing. It helped that the relationship was with Scorpius: someone she was attracted to, someone she loved and admired and laughed out loud with. She tried not to think about how he was, essentially, her only friend, and that if things turned sour, she would be left alone, heartbroken and lonely in a way that girls like Rose, who had many friends, would not understand.

For now, she had to trust that she and Scorpius were the real deal and that now that the air had been cleared, nothing could get in the way of them being happy. They had also turned things around with Albus. Scorpius talked things out with him after their fight, and Albus agreed Scorpius was a respectful guy who wouldn't take advantage of Lily. Lily spoke with Albus privately to tell him, quite sternly, that as much as he wanted to protect Lily, he couldn't police her actions. If she wanted to be with Scorpius, she was going to be with Scorpius, as long as he wanted to be with her, too.

"But I am sorry," she admitted quietly. "I've been selfish lately, I know it."

Thinking back on childhood memories only made her sad. Family used to be the most important thing to her. Her brothers and her cousins were her best friends in the world, her aunts and her uncles and her mum and dad and her nana and papa were her mentors and confidantes and caretakers. She remembered a time when Rose qualified as her closest female friend. They would sit by the beach, under close supervision by their parents, and sort sand dollars and sea glass. Rose taught her how to braid hair, and let her leave Rose's already messy hair in horrible knots as Lily practiced and practiced forming loops and twists. Albus and James used to be her entire world and the people she looked up to the most. She would squeeze her eyes shut tight and hope that she could be a boy too, just so she could be like them. These were the people she spent most of her time with, and these were ultimately the people she had ignored and hurt the most in pursuit of her own happiness. Maybe she and Rose weren't close anymore, sure, but Rose wasn't a bad person. Rose made mistakes, sure, but Lily felt she couldn't possibly judge anyone ever again for making a mistake, considering the mistakes she'd made.

"I forgive you," Albus had said immediately, because that's who Albus was. Forgiving and loving, the most altruistic person she knew.

"No, wait," she interrupted. "I've been selfish, I really have. I didn't even think about how wanting Scorpius might put a strain on your friendship."

"I'm not worried about my friendship with Scorpius, I'm worried about you. As long as you're happy, Scorpius and I will be just fine."

"And if I'm not happy with Scorpius?" Lily suggested.

Albus narrowed his eyes and said, "Then he's dead to me." They smiled and the issue was resolved, right there at the bottom of the staircase to the Slytherin boys' dormitories. They hugged and parted ways.

Lily and Scorpius, as much as they needed to be together after their fight – after Lily had finally told him, the first person she had ever told, her most private secret – they also knew it would be better to spend the night apart, because as much as Albus insisted everything was okay now, Lily had an inkling that it was still a touchy subject. She could imagine slipping out of Scorpius' dormitory in the morning and accidentally bumping into Albus on the way down, and the look he might give her, and the hurt he might feel. It was best to tread lightly. Scorpius and Albus had a friendship to patch up, and it was important for that to happen not just for her brother and her (possibly) boyfriend's happiness, but also for the future that she and Scorpius could have. It was important to her that they get along, because currently, they were the two most important people in her life.

The following week, however, once Lily and Scorpius started sitting with Albus and Ibrahim more during lunch, she found herself spending the night more and more in Scorpius' dorm. It was kind of the best thing to have a boyfriend who was Head Boy. They had their own private place to hide away, a place apart from the stares of their classmates (many of them her family. Hugo, who she considered one of her better, cooler family members accosted her and Scorpius once in the hallway to ask them who the hell they thought they were.)

They would often open the window of Scorpius' room, something the other boys in Slytherin dormitories were unable to do. It was a privilege to be Head Boy and a Slytherin, with a room two stories above the rest. The lake that lapped against Albus' windows was nearly twenty feet below Scorpius', which allowed them to smoke out of it and look over the expanse of water that was the Great Lake.

They would crouch on his window seat, legs folded beneath them, and lean dangerously far out over the empty air, watch the small waves crash against the stone wall below, breathe in the wet, salty air, breathe in dank smoke, breathe out into each other's mouths and kiss until they were out of breath. Although this was always good fun, there was one time that Albus knocked on the door and tried to open it so suddenly that Scorpius had barely thrown the joint out the window before Albus could catch them.

"Oh, Lily, you're here," Albus said, although he didn't sound too surprised. Was he trying to catch them doing something wrong? Had he smelled weed from under the crack in the door? As far as Albus knew, she had only smoked weed the one time, and when he had caught her, he had been so disappointed in her. She couldn't stand for him to be disappointed in her now. And if he found out she still smoked weed (and so often, too) he might tell their parents, which was a possibility she absolutely refused to become reality.

"Hi, Albus," Lily said brightly, trying to sound completely normal, but her voice sounded fuzzy to her own ears. She wasn't sure how enthusiastic she should act; how much might seem like too much.

Albus' eyes narrowed. She was getting sick of him narrowing his eyes at her in scrutiny; he was such a judger. _But I guess when you're that much of a golden boy, you can judge whoever you want, _Lily thought.

"What's up?" Scorpius asked, scooting slightly away from Lily, which only made them seem more suspicious.

"I don't know, Scorpius, what _is_ up?" Albus countered, looking around the room for something to accuse them of.

"Nothing," Lily interjected. "Anything else? Can you go now?" Scorpius laughed, but Albus was not amused.

"I actually just came up to ask Scorpius something," Albus said, giving Lily a pointed, annoyed look. He turned to Scorpius. "You're invited to Christmas with us. My parents asked if you wanted to come. Also, weirdly, I think Ron and Hermione miss you." At this, Scorpius laughed a fond sort of laugh.

Ron and Hermione had always found him to be the sweetest, dopiest guy they had ever met. Although they loved him as a person, they absolutely despised him with their perfect, studious daughter. Lily remembered overhearing Hermione lecturing Rose once about Scorpius being a "distraction." Ron thought he wasn't worthy of someone as beautiful and smart as Rose. But eventually, they found him to be absolutely harmless. Lily suspected that they knew he was no match for Rose and figured the relationship would end sooner or later, so it was better for Rose to be with someone like Scorpius than with a worse sort of boy. This realization came around the same time that the Weasley family was scandalized by finding out about Molly's boyfriend, who was over half her age, not to mention a seedy muggle politician with a wife. That relationship ended poorly, with Molly becoming somewhat of a C-list muggle celebrity until the politician resigned and the commotion died down.

"Christmas at the Potters?" Scorpius pondered, but he looked pretty excited.

"And the Weasleys," Albus reminded him. "Also, I'm pretty sure Ron and Hermione think you and Rose are still together. At least, that's the impression I got from Mum."

"And why did you get that impression?" Lily snapped, partly jealous, partly panicked. If Scorpius were to spend the holiday with them, she did not want to be antagonized all over again for stealing her cousin's boyfriend.

"Because Mum said, and I quote, 'I bet Rose wouldn't mind him being there, too.' Then she said it would be better for him to stay with us so that Ron and Hermione don't freak out about the whole arrangement," Albus said. _Imagine how they'll freak out about the _new_ arrangement_ went unsaid, but heavily implied. Lily and Scorpius exchanged a look. Lily wanted to tell her parents about her new boyfriend, but technically, Scorpius hadn't asked her to be his girlfriend. She had been waiting for it to be official to tell them, and she was under the impression that Rose and Scorpius' breakup would already be divulged and blown over by now so that the news would come easier.

"I'm telling you this," Albus disclosed, "in case you decide not to go. Of course, I want you to come, but it might be uncomfortable for you."

"I'll need to talk to Rose about it," Scorpius said. This made the siblings look at him in surprise, and even Scorpius looked surprised by what he said. However, it made sense.

"Maybe I can talk to her, too," Lily said slowly. Neither of them said anything, although Albus looked approving whilst Scorpius looked skeptical.

It was time to talk to Rose, and Dominique, for that matter, too. It was only lately, now that she was happy and in love, that she remembered the times she had seen Rose eating breakfast by herself or looking dejected while Dom talked at her, how she had felt when she pined after Scorpius, and the pain she'd felt when Philip had betrayed and hurt her. No one deserved to feel that way, and she needed to make it right.

* * *

"Rose!" Lily yelled, running to catch up to her cousin in the gushing throng of students spilling out of the building on their way to the Hufflepuff versus Ravenclaw match. Lily wore yellow and black, simply in defiance of Philip, and wasn't surprised to see Dominique and Rose wearing blue and silver.

Rose paused and turned to see Lily rushing towards her, and the pair of cousins backed out of the line of traffic to wait for her to catch up. They wore identical expressions of surprise and consternation on their faces. That expression was enough to convince Lily that they really had been the masterminds behind her painful fall, but she didn't let that realization stop her from her mission.

"Rose, can I talk to you?" Lily glanced at Dominique quickly. "Privately?"

"Sure," Rose said slowly. She turned to Dominique and said, "I'll meet you inside. Save me a seat."

Dominique gaped and then said, "You're seriously going to listen to her? Come on, Rose, let's go." Dom was already looping her arm through Rose's and pulling her away when Rose stopped and yanked her arm back, a little more violently than she needed to. Dominique looked affronted.

"No," Rose said calmly, in contrast to her forceful actions. "I'll meet you there," she insisted, already turning away from Dom and tilting her chin toward a bench facing the Great Lake where Lily and Rose could talk. Lily, stunned by this dramatic change in Rose's behavior, followed her to the bench, Dom swept away into the crowd of students attending the match. Rose had never defied Dom, at least not to Lily's knowledge. Lily couldn't help but smile. This was someone she could get along with.

They sat together on opposite ends of the bench, carefully turning their bodies towards each other. Rose wrestled a piece of knotted hair out of her thick blue scarf, tossing it behind her shoulder.

"What did you want to talk about?" she asked, stuffing her gloved hands into the pockets of her black wool coat. Her voice didn't sound antagonizing, but it sounded the same as if she were asking, 'What is it _now_?'

"I know we aren't exactly friends right now, but we're still family," Lily began. Her voice trembled slightly, and she cleared her throat. "And despite everything that's happened, I care about you and I feel ashamed that I hurt you the way I did." She had practiced this speech in her head many times, but for the next part, she was drawing a blank. Her throat seized up, because unexpectedly, Rose was crying. Silently, and with a solid expression, but still crying. Rose didn't wipe them away, just stared at Lily, letting them fall. Lily was stunned into a long silence that Rose didn't care to break.

Finally, Lily gathered herself and continued. "I know we'll probably never be friends now, but I hope we can be civil at Christmas."

"Why would we not be civil at Christmas?" Rose inquired, quirking an eyebrow and finally wiping away her tears.

"Because I know you and Dominique hate me," she said, letting her voice imply that she knew the truth. At this, Rose looked abashed but didn't say anything to defend it or apologize for it. "And also, because Scorpius is going to be staying with us."

"He is?" Rose said, her voice loud. "And why on earth would he be doing that?" Rose was shaking her head as if the situation were impossible, ludicrous, her eyebrows furrowed.

"I mean, you know how it is with his parents." Lily shrugged with one shoulder.

"Yes, _I_ know. But I doubt you know," she snapped.

Rose wasn't wrong. Lily probably only knew a portion of the entire truth, and Rose definitely knew most of it. But what she did know was that things were tense at Malfoy Manor, and that Scorpius liked to mostly stay on campus for holidays.

"I'm sorry, but Scorpius absolutely cannot come to Christmas. My parents don't even know that we broke up!" Rose asserted angrily, although she didn't seem angry with Lily, per se. "Are you going to tell your parents that you're with him now?"

"I wasn't planning on telling them, but now that he's coming, I might have to," Lily said regretfully. Rose looked so upset that she felt sorry for wanting Scorpius to come at all.

"Please, you _cannot_ tell them. Look, I'll tell them Scorpius and I broke up, but I need some time to do it. I need to construct some sort of excuse that doesn't involve you," Rose said, the wheels in her head already turning.

"And why would you do that?" Lily asked. She couldn't comprehend any reason that Rose would want to protect her in this situation.

"Because I don't want to seem like… like I'm some sort of victim. Need I remind you, I broke up with Scorpius, but everyone here, even my friends, still see me as some sort of scorned woman. I might as well have a scarlet 'A' on my chest." Rose rolled her eyes. Lily sat back a bit, looking Rose over. She seemed… different. Almost… spunky. The meekness that she used to sport was gone, and instead, she was assertive and honest in the most refreshing way. Lily couldn't help but respect her for it.

"I won't tell them we're together, then," Lily decided. "I can wait to tell them until enough time has passed. Just let me know when."

Rose looked at her, a bit surprised that she was going along with it. Had she expected Lily to fight her on it, just out of spite? "I would benefit from it too, Rose. I don't want our family to see me as a bad person." Lily returned Rose's honesty with some honesty of her own, which Rose raised her eyebrows at.

"Hm. Well. Then I guess I'll be off to the match, then," Rose said, standing up. Lily stood up too, a half foot shorter than Rose. Rose looked down at her, nodded, then walked off.

Lily watched her go, feeling oddly relieved. Rose hadn't accepted her apology, necessarily, but something had shifted and she felt like things weren't so bad between them as they had been.

* * *

"Did you talk to her?" Lily asked, unzipping her hoodie and dropping it to the floor once Scorpius let her into his room.

"I did," he said, wrapping his arms around her waist and walking backwards, pulling her towards the bed.

"And?"

"It went well," he said lightly.

"Really?" Lily asked, tilting her head up towards him, grinning. He picked her up and threw her on the bed, Lily letting out a shriek as she was airborne and then an 'Oof!' as she landed and bounced. He laid down next to her on his side, propping his head up with a hand and looking down into her eyes.

"Really, Lily," he said, grinning back. He smoothed a hand over her flat stomach where her shirt had ridden up, sending shivers down her spine. "In fact, it went so well that we've decided to be best friends now."

"Oh, shut up," Lily said, pulling him towards her for a kiss. They lost the Rose-train-of-thought for about ten minutes as they kissed, rolled around, and undressed slowly. He whispered several things to her that were absolutely unrelated to Rose, and she got so caught up that she forgot about the matter completely, until she remembered it too suddenly. She stopped him from pulling off her black underwear and pulled his head up to hers.

"Now wait just a second," she said. "We really need to talk about Rose."

"Okay, fine," he acquiesced, propping himself up by his elbows on either side of her head, his lower half settled between her spread legs, where he firmly pressed against her in only his boxers. "I told her that I was staying at yours for Christmas, and that I was sorry for everything horrible that had happened between us and that I hoped everything could be okay. She told me that her parents still didn't know that we weren't together, so that we should try to avoid each other until she tells them over the holiday. She's going to tell them that we decided we'd be better off as friends, and that's pretty much that."

"I talked to her, too," Lily replied. At this, Scorpius pulled away from where he had started kissing her neck. "We decided that I'm not going to tell my parents that we're together until she feels like it's been enough time."

"Well, that's not her decision to make," Scorpius said, his expression dropping a little, his voice hard.

"I know it isn't. But it's enough for me to be with you. I don't feel like they need to know yet. Besides, it's not like we're boyfriend and girlfriend," Lily said. Of course, she said this the way most girls do when in limbo with a significant other – with the intention to back them in a corner and make them define the relationship. And she said it so casually, too, just to make him squirm. It worked: Scorpius looked shocked.

"What are you talking about? Of course, you're my girlfriend," he said, sounding offended and slightly worried. He was starting to lift himself off of her, and she let him. He settled back against his headboard, his excitement from earlier having died down. He looked at her with an expression that said, 'Well? What do you have to say for yourself?'

"How am I your girlfriend if you've never asked me to be your girlfriend?" she said mischievously, absolutely unabashed in only her knickers. He shook his head once, a jerk of his head, his pink mouth open in revelation.

"Fine," he said, his shock turning into a slow smile. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

Lily answered by leisurely crawling over to him, straddling him, and kissing him deeply. He gripped her hips tightly and moaned. A wicked idea came to mind, and she pulled away to crawl back so that her head hovered above his crotch. She knew for a fact that no one had ever gone done on him before, and she wanted to be the first.

"I don't know, Scorpius," she said, tugging at his boxers. "I'm on the fence about it."

"How can I convince you?" he said breathlessly, helping her pull them off. She lowered her head and he gathered up her mass of dark red hair into his hands, holding it at the back of her neck and away from her face. She scooted down so their eyes could meet while she worked on him, and something in the look of his glistening stormy eyes was like nothing she had ever seen before. Her movements became quicker, bobbing her head faster, and suddenly he tugged on her hair sharply to pull her mouth away.

"What?" she gasped.

"I need to be inside you," he said. She had never seen him unravel like this. He looked beyond desperate, like he had been chasing a pool of water only to realize it was a mirage. "Get on your back," he ordered, his voice gruff. She couldn't help but obey. He climbed on top of her and pulled her knickers off, settling himself between her legs. She wrapped her legs around his lower back and sucked in a gasp once he roughly entered her.

"I love you," Scorpius groaned as he thrust into her.

Something about Scorpius: surprisingly, he could be quite the dirty talker in bed. Lily asked him about it once and he admitted that it was because of Lily – he would've been too embarrassed to say any of that stuff to Rose. He would be afraid of her scorn, or worse, her amusement. Scorpius told her what she had secretly expected, which was that she was way wilder in bed than Rose was. It was the only time she felt free enough to let everything go, letting her inhibitions fly away. It helped that Scorpius was the one she was having sex with – he was the exact same way.

"God, you're wet," he whispered into her ear before biting the lobe and tugging. Everything he said ranged from beyond vulgar and crass to innocently sweet and loving. It was just one more thing Lily loved about him.

After they finished, Scorpius and Lily lay panting next to each other more only a moment before Scorpius said, "Well?"

"Well, what? You want to go again?" she said, already turning to climb back on top of him.

"No, I'm not ready yet. But, duh, I want to go again," he said, chuckling. "No, I mean, will you be my girlfriend?"

"Yes," she said simply, then fully climbed on top of him and leaned down to kiss him lightly on the lips.

* * *

Scorpius and Lily agreed that they couldn't be sneaking into each other's rooms during the holiday. However, Scorpius was more reluctant to keep to the agreement than Lily was. The last that her parents knew, Lily and Scorpius were friendly but weren't friends – at least not the way in which Albus and Scorpius were friends, or even James and Scorpius were friends. Growing up, Scorpius would come over to hang out with Albus, which meant he got to know James as well. The three of them would scrimmage together or play games together, especially when they were in their first, second, and third years. Lily was too young, not cool enough to hang out with them. She couldn't stand her brothers around those ages, because they were reaching puberty and suddenly thought different things were cool. She still loved playing in the forest, getting muddy and wrestling, playing wizard's chess, but now other factors were at play – school, girls, and people she didn't know.

One of the worst times of her life was when she was eight years old going on nine, and then nine years old going on ten, when both of her brothers were at Hogwarts. They came back during holidays with private jokes and references she didn't understand. Ginny comforted her, having been in the same position for a year when all of her brothers were at Hogwarts and she was stuck at home with no siblings to amuse her. However, Lily was a little better off since she still had Hugo, Roxy, and Lucy to play with, but she missed her brothers terribly and felt left out and lonely when they came back home, however briefly. This meant even James would have to appear friendlier with Scorpius than she was.

Lily realized she had to be distant from Scorpius, at least distant in comparison to how they were at Hogwarts. They could be friendly, they could chat and hang out, but he couldn't appear closer to her than he was to Albus because that could set off warning bells with her parents. This spurred them on to get a train compartment on their own and for Scorpius to lock it with his wand so that they could drink in every last second they had alone together before arriving at Godric's Hollow.

Lily tossed her legs over Scorpius' and leaned back against the window behind her. Scorpius pretended to read Lily's palm, as he was just learning about it in Divination.

"Just tell me. How long do I have left?" Lily asked as Scorpius traced a finger over what he told her was her life line.

"Maybe… a day? Two?" he said, shaking his head and pretending to look confused.

"Shut up," Lily laughed, snatching her hand away and grinning at him. "You know we only have one more hour alone together, right? And then no more canoodling."

"I'm going to sneak into your room, at least once," he said.

"No, you're not," Lily replied indignantly.

"Yes, and then I'm going to steal your virtue," he insisted. He leaned forward and kissed her quickly on the mouth, pulled away with a wicked smile. Lily leaned forward slightly as his lips left hers, wanting the touch to linger.

"We can't risk my parents finding out. Or worse, Rose's parents finding out," Lily told him. She'd said it at least twice before, but it didn't seem to bother him. Did he really think he was so lovable that her aunt and uncle would forgive him for breaking their daughter's heart and her mum and dad would accept him with open arms? He may be adorable, but he wasn't adorable enough to win over her parents so soon after his and Rose's breakup. Not yet.

"Oh, something I forget to tell you," Scorpius said, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. Lily sat up straighter. "I got an owl from Ron. He invited me to dinner on Wednesday night."

Lily raised her eyebrows and said deadpan: "He did?"

"Yeah. It'll be Rose's parents, me, Hugo, and Rose." Scorpius cleared his throat. "I said yes. I hope that's okay. I didn't know what else to say. But I'm afraid after that, they'll definitely know Rose and I aren't together anymore, unless we blatally pretend that we're a couple, which I don't plan on doing, obviously."

Lily ignored that he said "blatally" instead of "blatantly" and instead pulled her legs back from his lap and up to her chest. "Well, I sure hope not! Has Rose said anything about it?"

"No, but I figured she didn't know. If we're pretending everything's normal, then it would be weird if I said no to dinner, right?" Scorpius looked over at her, his eyes desperate for Lily to tell him it was okay and that he'd done nothing wrong.

"It's okay, you did the right thing. It's just one dinner," Lily said, pushing down her insecurities. She knew she needed to trust Scorpius. He wasn't Philip. In fact, he wasn't like anyone she'd ever met before – he was better.

Pretending to not love Scorpius would be difficult. Her infatuation with him was woven into her every action. How could she act like they were friends – no, not even friends, but acquaintances? _This is going to be a long holiday_, Lily thought.

* * *

Leave a review, tell me how the last two years of your life have been since I last updated. I've been reading a million manuscripts for my summer internship so I suddenly got the inspiration to write something, and since I've been thinking about this chapter literally every day for the past two years, I thought that I might as well make it happen.

Love you all and hope you're having a great summer, or winter, depending on where you are!


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